Tales of Tales of Symphonia

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Thu Jun 03, 2010 1:35 am

I'm gonna talk about this game for a little while okay

The animated opening begins with the main character standing there and not doing anything.
She isn't even facing the camera! This is obviously to show off her gigantic angel wings. Are they usually that size?
...Wait, no, Colette isn't the main character.
I guess they started with her as a way of announcing "ANGELS ARE AN IMPORTANT PLOT POINT IN THIS GAME"

The main character is also important though, and the scene quickly cuts to LLOYD IRVING'S FEET
But that's okay because then there's a close-up on his face. Wait, no there isn't
However, there is a giant skeleton. Alright cool
It's the Blade Master or something. Hey, you're not even a storyline boss! What are you doing in the opening!?

Lloyd leaps into the air and cuts one of the skeleton's arms off! If only that worked in actual in-game fights.
...But then he falls off a cliff. This pretty much conveys everything you need to know about Lloyd in five seconds' worth of animation.

Then we see some DYNAMIC TREES! ...Uh, why exactly are we looking at these?
There are some blurry shapes jumping around in them. Maybe they're forest kangaroos.
Cut to Lloyd in the desert, dramatically drawing his sword and posing at nothing.

We see Lloyd, Genis, and Colette on a boat, staring at nothing. Even though Raine is probably in the party at this point, she's not in this shot because she's lying in the fetal position off in a corner somewhere, for reasons that will be made clear later.
Then Colette stands in a cornfield for some reason and looks into the camera. Uh, hi

Then we see ACTION TREES
Just kidding. These trees are pretty boring.
There are also butterflies. I had to resist the urge to slam my head into the computer monitor
And then, the Tower of Death Salvation.
Here, the title of the game appears (Tales of Symphonia TM). I forget whether Symphonia means anything in this game.
Probably not.

Cut to Lloyd, who is doing some "cutting" of his own! LOL
He's fighting mutant skeletons whose ribs are fused together. He viciously slashes at them, but they don't appear to suffer any actual damage. Lloyd thinks this is awesome for some reason and poses dramatically.
Dwarven Vow #38: Posing is the first step on the path to sex with women

Colette is seen fighting what looks like an angry shark in a volcano. Sure, why not?
LOL her weapon looks like halos! It's funny because ANGEL!!
Suddenly Regal is the main character. He looks dramatically into the distance while standing on a cliff in an attempt to recreate the opening of Final Fantasy.
Everyone else just stares at him and wonders what the heck he's doing.

Raine beats the shit out of a guy who may or may not be an enemy.
She kicks him in the face. I'd complain that mages (especially healers!) aren't known for their physical strength, but that was badass so I cannot.
This is followed by an ACTION BRIDGE
There is a dramatic zoom on the ACTION BRIDGE. Because ACTION

Then Genis, also doing physical attacks of course, lashes out violently at the cameraman, who drops his camera.
This means we get to watch ACTION CLOUDS in the ACTION SKY for just a little bit too long.

Now Zelos makes his grand entrance.
He shows off his special ability: A girl walks past him and he turns to stare at her. You can practically hear him thinking "DAT ASS"
Wait a minute. That wasn't Colette, was it?
Oh god I think it was
...Next scene, please

Regal and Presea stand amongst burning buildings, looking thoughtful.
I wonder which one of them caused it.
Presea gets a close-up. Alright, I guess we found our culprit.
Then Sheena (who was bending over for some reason) looks at a spiral staircase, no doubt thinking "Who the hell puts a summon spirit up thirty flights of goddamn stairs".

Then a dead ACTION TREE. Kratos is sitting on it in an attempt to look spooky.
He might have killed the tree himself. He has a reputation to uphold, after all.
Cut to Collete sprouting light and angel wings. Obviously, her wings are so important, they must appear twice.

Presea hits a big golem with her axe.
It must have been a damn good hit, because she starts posing before the golem even starts to fall. That's hardcore.
Cut to a glacier, on which a bunch of dots are standing that might be our heroes but who knows really.
Then we see Regal in his natural habitat: prison.
There's a butterfly on his shackles to indicate that he's a good guy. Either that, or he's been mistaken for a tree.

Zelos twirls his sword around.
Of course, he's not going to actually fight something. He might mess up his face.
We then see a bunch of strange shapes that turn out to be the flying thingies from later in the game.
Hey, wait a minute, is Genis even old enough to have a driver's licence?

Regal, in an attempt to prove he's a good guy and not an evil convict or tree, kicks a soldier.
He might need to re-think his strategy.
Then we see the group walking down some kind of really crappy path.
Zelos is employing his "walk in the back in order to stare at girls' asses" technique. He's a professional.
Lloyd's trying to stare at Colette. This is bad because he's leading everyone. You really should keep your eyes on the road, Lloyd.
...Why do they let him be the leader, again?

Sheena does a bunch of flips and kills some ogre-like thing...somehow?
It turns into smoke when it dies because

Kratos decides to do something dramatic and steps out from the shadows to stare at Lloyd. See, the darkness is symbolic of Kratos'...inner darkness. Yeah.
Lloyd stares back at him, unable to work out the symbolism. Don't worry Lloyd, you'll get it someday. It'll probably hurt, though.

Lloyd decides to clear his mind by walking around in a field.
She starts to walk slowly over to him, then is instantly by his side. This is because true love gives you the ability to teleport.
She writes something on his hand, again, for reasons that will be made clear later.
You can't tell what she's writing (probably "it's nothing"), but Lloyd's stare makes it look like he's having trouble with the spelling. YOU CAN DO IT LLOYD

Then we see an ACTION COUNTRYSIDE which wastes a good five seconds of animation.
Suddenly, Lloyd and Colette have teleported to Christmas Town in order to do vaguely romantic things like smile at each other a lot.

Finally, to prevent males from quitting the game in disgust, we get one last shot of Lloyd flipping out and swinging a sword around for no reason.
He sheathes it and the last close-up of the opening is on the exsphere on the back of his hand.
The music ends with one final, super long note which lasts for the entire close-up, which is several seconds long.
I think that exsphere might be important

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:13 am

The game starts a million miles in the air.
We see a continent that looks kind of like the letter E backwards.
As the camera slooowly drifts down to earth, Kratos decides to be dramatic by using his disembodied voice to read us all a story for no good reason.
But his plan backfires slightly. His voice may be super awesome (see: Liquid Snake), but he uses it to say "ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE EXISTED A GIANT TREE", which kind of ruins the effect.

So anyway, this tree was the source of mana. Only this time, I don't think they mean MP when they say that.
Otherwise the casters in this game would always be shouting "I NEED MORE MANA".
Kratos explains that a war made the tree "wither away".
The tree wasn't destroyed or anything, so I guess it just saw the war, got sad, and died from depression.

"A hero's life was sacrificed in order to take its place." Well, it's a good thing the hero was there to die heroically, or the tree might have withered away! Oh wait
"Grieving over the loss, the goddess dissapeared unto the heavens." "THIS WORLD SUCKS I QUIT"
But, uh, Kratos? What goddess?
Could you maybe go in order next time you tell a story?

So THE GODDESS tells her squadron of angels, "Make sure I don't sleep or the world will die," then falls asleep.
Whoa, hold on a minute, there...
But Kratos forges ahead!
"The angels bore the Chosen One,"
Who, Moses?
Maybe these are their actual names

"The angels bore the Chosen One, who headed towards the tower that reached unto the heavens."
So...the angels carried Moses to the tower?
Why don't they do that for our group?
Oh yeah. Because then everyone would be underleveled.

The camera finally reaches the Hero's Hometown (TM), as Kratos finishes reading the exiting story:
"And that marked the beginning of the regeneration of the world."
A regeneration that would end up taking roughly forever!

The camera flings itself at a building as the picture fades to black. THE END
Well, that game was surprisingly short.
Lloyd Irving, wake up!

Our hero LLOYD IRVING is, of course, asleep. I can't believe he slept through that really exiting story!
Also, he was sleeping while standing up. And holding two buckets of water. THIS IS THE TRUE POWER OF THE EXSPHERE
An eraser flies across the room and hits him in the head.
It takes about three seconds for his brain to realize someone just hit him in the head. His retarded level is already off the scale AND HE HASN'T EVEN SAID ANYTHING YET!

His teacher Raine looks really annoyed, probably because Lloyd's breaking multiple laws of nature by just standing there.
Lloyd wrote:...Oh. Professor Raine.
Eh...is class over?
I can't think of a better thing to say to an angry teacher. GOOD JOB LLOYD

Raine just gives up and asks Genis, who looks as though he's about to impale himself on his hair, to answer her question.
But wait a minute! I can't just let this slide. It would not be ethical. So:
Genis has the stupidest name in the entire game, even beating out winners like "Botta", "Chocolat", and "Yggdrasil".
Not just because it rhymes with "penis", but also because it was originally "Genius" and was changed slightly in the english release.
You can't name someone "Genius"! That's retarded! BAD GAME DESIGNERS

Anyways, since Genis is like, a smart person, or something, he answers the question we never heard by explaining that the last boss faggot hero Mithos "brought about the end of the Ancient War".
I would only give him half credit, though, because HOW DID MITHOS ACCOMPLISH SUCH A THING
Did he cause a worldwide apocolypse? That's one way to end a war.
Raine wrote:Afterwards, Mithos, the hero,
You really don't have to call him that every time. I think we know he's "the hero" by now.
Unless...maybe that really is his name...

Raine goes on to explain that Mithos THE HERO formed a (potentially sexy) pact with the goddess Martel to seal away the Desians, who caused the war.
Lloyd wrote:But the Desians came back and are now causing everyone to suffer!
This quote might not seem like much, but it becomes his battle cry FOR THE REST OF THE GAME.
Also, good job inturrupting the Professor, Lloyd.
Geez! It's like he's trying to make her as mad as possible!

Turns out he slept through yesterday's class also, because Raine explains that they come back whenever the seal weakens.
So the Desians are basically an entire race made of Ganon.
By an amazing coincidence, it's The Day Of Prophecy today, but everyone still has to go to school.
Man this holiday blows
Raine wrote:It is a very important day,
No shit

The Day Of Prophecy is when an oracle from The Goddess Martel shows up to talk to the Chosen One.
The "prophecy" part is because...they figured out what day it is based on a prophecy I guess.
Only, the regeneration's happened lots of times. That's not a prophecy, that's just pattern recognition!
Maybe they just call it "The Day Of Prophecy" to make it sound more impressive.
Raine wrote:Now, Chosen One…Colette.
You basically said her name twice, you know.
It was either to let us in the audience know what her name is, or to make sure she didn't forget it herself.
Yeah, it could happen.

Colette's given a pop quiz about the point of her entire life, the journey of world regeneration. Spoiler: she knows everything about it.
It's a journey to seal the Desians. Once it's complete, all the Desians are sucked into a hole in the sky...or...something?
This gets explained later, right?
To do the whole sealing thing, the Chosen has to fight through a bunch of deathtraps and wake up sleeping monsters that control all of nature, but can still be carried around in Sheena's pocket.
...Who the hell set all this up, God!? Colette should just march up there and kick his ass.

Lloyd is asleep again. Ha
Colette turns and stares at him...while she's still standing, in the middle of the classroom, while Raine is talking.
Somehow Raine is fine with this. Also it makes Lloyd wake up.
He can sleep through massive amounts of physical abuse, but can't handle his girlfriend looking at him?
Maybe Colette was just shooting him with invisible eye lasers. She is the Chosen, after all.

Raine's repetition of things that were said only a few seconds ago is cut off when a blinding light fills the entire village.
Raine wrote:Settle down.
says Raine, to a classroom full of quiet, motionless students.

The shiny was, of course, the Colettesignal, meaning the oracle has arrived, and is waiting at the top of a monster-filled temple.
The oracle is a dick.
Raine runs off to check on the temple, because...it might have fallen down or something.
Colette suggests that she go, too, because that's HER PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Raine wrote:No, Colette. If it is the oracle, the priests will come here for you.
It was a giant shiny light with sound effects!
What else could it be!? A nuclear attack!?

So Raine runs off and Colette just kind of shrugs and sits back down.
Of course, our hero LLOYD IRVING immediately tries to skip school.
Uh...Lloyd? Maybe you should wait until you're sure Raine's left the area. I mean, she stepped out of the room about thirty seconds ago.
Genis asks WTF Lloyd is doing.
Lloyd wrote:I’m really curious to find out what really happens to Colette when she receives the oracle.
So...you're going to sneak out of class in the direction your teacher went in order to see what happens to a person who isn't even there yet.
Never forget: This guy ends up being the group's leader.

On the other hand, Genis sounds like he could use a little rebellion against authority, because he basically just says "But Raine said we shouldn't!" repeatedly.
Lloyd claims "it's research", which makes Genis angry because this is an obvious lie; Lloyd would never willingly accept extra schoolwork.
But he gives up after Lloyd tells him to not be "so stuffy", which is basically what I accused him of just a second ago. Oh lol.
Lloyd wrote:Colette, want to come along, too?
I mean, it's only YOUR LIFE'S MISSION ETC

Turns out Colette hadn't even noticed Lloyd and Genis' shouting match and had no idea what they were doing, but agreed to go along anyway to wherever it was they were talking about.
Colette wrote:…Huh? Um, okay.
So where to?
Colette is so stupid, she's making Lloyd angry! I have to admit, that's actually pretty funny.
Lloyd wrote:Aren’t you curious?
Colette wrote:Hmm…Are you curious about it?
Lloyd wrote:Of course!
Colette wrote:Okay, then I’ll be curious about it, too.
Lloyd wrote:(to Genis) See? Dwarven Vow #4: Don’t depend on others. Walk on your own two legs.
But...didn't Colette just say she's depending on you to decide whether she's curious about something?
I'd complain more, but the Dwarven Vows are pretty much worthless, as demonstrated here.

So off they go to the temple!
...After an explanation of skits and the Z button.
And the very first skit ("It'll Be Fine")!
It basically goes like this:
Genis wrote:Uh, you know, Raine's at the temple, too.
Colette wrote:Even I can tell that we'll probably run into her.
Lloyd wrote:IT'LL BE FINE LOL
So Lloyd presses "A" to "Go Out" and notices that the town is quiet...too quiet.
Except, of course, for the ominous background music. There are guitars in it and everything!

They all get busted in under a minute by Frank (really? Frank?), Colette's alleged father.
He tells them that everyone's hiding from the Desians, who invaded a few minutes ago.
They were obviously ninjas, too, because their "invasion" went unnoticed by everyone in the school with the really big windows.
Genis is shocked that the Desians would break their non-agression treaty, even though they just passed through the village and didn't attack or anything. Maybe they smell bad enough for it to count as aggression.
Lloyd wrote:You mean that agreement where they don’t attack the village as long as we leave the human ranch alone?
Lloyd explains helpfully.
Yeah Lloyd, he means THAT non-aggression treaty.

Colette says that her grandma said it's to protect her.
Because if it wasn't for Colette, the villagers would be just fine with getting attacked by Desians.
Frank says not to worry, because the priests are there to protect her. This turns out to be one of the wrongest things ever claimed by anyone.

He goes on to tell Colette to head for the Desian-filled temple, and tells Lloyd and Genis to go home. Uh, Frank? Are you feeling okay?
Fortunately for Colette, Lloyd manages to convince Frank that he's wrong by using his powerful arguing skills.
Lloyd wrote:No.
Frank wrote:Okay.
So Frank abandons the children and goes back to his house to get drunk.
And the cheerful Iselia theme starts up again! Hooray!
The Village Of Oracles
Shouldn't that be "The Village of Oracle"? There's only one.

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Post by Rise: The Game on Thu Jun 03, 2010 10:26 am

this is fucking amazing so far. please dont stop Very Happy

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Post by The Universe on Thu Jun 03, 2010 11:03 am

Art....fucking art.

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Matthew O'Connell says: (3:13:42 AM)
~°∆°[[Bizz] says: (9:24:45 PM)
You guys, I am stalking a girl from Spain.
Wist says: (9:25:06 PM)
Me too.
Lyle wrote:The song was one big saxophone solo and it has a girl dressed up like Santa Claus.

I'm so on board with this, it's not even funny.
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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:25 pm

So the group leaves the village and WHOA WHAT THE FUCK
Their path out is blocked by a giant human skull that hops up and down. WHATTTTT
There's no way that's part of a balanced ecosystem.

Colette suggests that it's part of Martel's trial, which traditionally involves fighting monsters.
I hope Martel is fine with the Chosen's hired thugs finishing this trial for her, although it seems like that might be considered plagiarism.
Lloyd wrote:We don’t have time to talk!
But that is talking-OH MY GOD THE SCREEN BROKE
Oh, it was just the ACTION BATTLE TRANSITION. Okay.

The skull turns out to be a zombie, which is kind of disappointing, because fighting a giant skull would probably be more entertaining. Martel, you need to come up with more interesting trials.
They all gangbeat the zombie, which includes Colette using her divine powers to throw squeaky rubber hammers. Uh...okay.

So they kill it.
Colette wrote:Lloyd, you’re amazing!
It was just the tutorial fight! And you helped!
And Genis helped, too! Why isn't he amazing?
Thanks a lot Colette, you're ruining Genis' self-esteem.

But Lloyd explains that IT'S NOTHING because his strength comes from his Exsphere, and without it, he'd be nothing dot dot dot.
Colette wrote:But you’re still strong, Lloyd!
Genis wrote:Yeah, at least his sword skills are good.
Genis is bitter, all right.

While Lloyd's yelling at Genis, another skull comes hopping down the road at them.
Somehow, Colette can tell that this one is actually a non-physical monster in an elaborate disguise, because she starts a tutorial on how Lloyd can't hurt non-physical things and has to run around in a circle until his magic-using allies decide to cast attack spells instead of running up and trying to slap it.
That's the power of teamwork!

The ghost throws a hammer, too. Whyyyyy
Also it blocks with its ghost arms, making a metallic sound when Lloyd hits it. Ghosts are weird.
Wait a minute, why's Lloyd trying to attack the ghost after that tutorial on Lloyd not attacking ghosts? Maybe he really hates being told what to do. Yeah, that's not going to end well.
By the way, it looks like the selected battle plan for Lloyd's group, according to the text that appears at the start of each fight, is "Lets Go". I think Lloyd might have written this plan out himself.

While Lloyd and Genis physically attack the ghost (what the hell, guys), Colette is off in the back getting the shit kicked out of her by the zombie Lloyd was supposed to kill.
Dammit Lloyd, what is your problem!?
Lloyd wrote:It’s important to choose the target wisely when there’s a lot of monsters, or if we’re up against a dangerous one.
Goddammit Lloyd.
Colette wrote:It’s especially important when saving an ally that’s in trouble.
Now even Colette is bitter.

The group FINALLY leaves the village and
Wait, no. First there's a skit ("What's the Temple Like?").
Genis is exited to go look at the boring old temple. Maybe it runs in the family.
Colette explains that the temple is "kind of dark". Somehow this sounds really exiting to Lloyd, who puts a music note in his dialogue.
Genis wrote:If only you could keep up this enthusiasm the entire time...
I know, right?
Wait, he was talking to Lloyd. Never mind.

So the group leaves the village for real this time, and is IMMEDIATELY AMBUSHED BY A GIANT SLUG
The slug was actually a wolf and a rabbit hiding under a blanket or something, which is especially weird because you'd think they'd be fighting each other, and not some random kids.
Maybe the lack of mana is making the animal kingdom unite as one in an attempt to overthrow humanity.
Unfortunately for them, they still aren't good enough to handle the threat of magical children. So they are killed.

I feel like I should bring up Lloyd's fighting style for a second.
He fights with two swords, which is pretty awesome actually.
He has special attacks, too, such as Demon Fang, which involves swinging his sword at nothing so hard, it cuts the air. Somehow this is the easiest attack in the game for him to learn.

And so the party slaughters their way through the animal kingdom.
Lloyd wrote:Don't let up!!
You realize you're fighting a hawk and a rabbit, right?
Oh well. At least the battle theme is awesome.
...Genis makes some pretty weird noises when he swings that kendama.

Eventually they reach Martel Temple, which is shooting a blue laser out of its roof and waking whoosh noises.
Lloyd is surprised that the light really IS coming from the temple! Even though he should have been able to see that a while ago, since it was bright enough to reach the village.
Colette wrote:It’s really, really bright!
This annoys Lloyd and Genis because they were expecting her to say something meaningful. I think that's their problem, really.
...It's not that bright, is it? It just looks kinda blue to me.

Lloyd suggests Collete should be more Chosen-like, "like THE HERO MITHOS". Actually, I think that would be a bad idea, for more than one reason.
But Colette shoots colored lines out of her head and agrees. Aww...

Genis suddenly hears a bloody massacre at the temple, which mostly sounds like people unsheathing their swords, then punching each other.
A pastor who got punched in the heart staggers down three flights of stairs, then falls over while our heroes watch. Martel Temple really needs to be handicapped-accessible.

The dying pastor explains that the Desians attacked the temple, then tells Colette to hurry and recieve the oracle...which is in the temple.
I'm sure the game will stop trying to get Colette to kill herself eventually. Yep.
With his dying breath, he says that he regrets not being able to protect the Chosen. Although really, it's more like he tried to protect her, but failed like an old bitch. Not to speak ill of the dead, of course, however bitch-like they may be.

"He's...gone." announces Lloyd the medical doctor.
After two seconds of greiving, giving the stagehands time to drag the body offscreen, Collete decides to fullfill the pastor's dying wish by running up the stairs to be killed by Desians.
Genis wrote:Colette! There are Desians in there!
Colette agrees, saying that it's her job to accept the oracle. That's true, but I don't think doing your job really, really badly is a good idea. Then you get fired. In this case, from life.
Colette wrote:The two of you, wait here, okay?
Look, just because the world is trying to kill you doesn't mean you should make it easier!
Lloyd and Genis aren't total dicks, so they say they're going with her anyway.
Colette wrote:Are you sure? It’s dangerous.
Goddammit, Colette.
Lloyd says something about Dwarven Vow #1, which I think is "You do not talk about the Dwarven Vows".
Genis wrote:Wait, I’m going, too. I’m worried about Raine.
So much for caring about the safety of the Chosen. I guess he's given up on her already.
And then he was forced to protect the Chosen for the rest of his life. LOL

Phaidra, Colette's grandma, is staring down the Desian leader at the entrance to the temple. That's kind of hardcore actually.
The man asks where to find the Chosen, but before Phaidra can say something dramatic like "I'LL NEVER TELL YOU", the Chosen herself walks right into them. Whoops.
Phaidra wrote:Run, Colette!
Talk about mixed messages.
All the Desians except for their leader notice Colette, and one of them has to say "Lord Botta! Over there, you idiot!" to get him to turn away from the threatening old woman.
The mystery man's name is Botta, pronounced Boat-uh. But for a guy with "boat" in his name, he's not too good with water.

So Botta turns and threatens Colette in the most dramatic way he could think of ("YOUR LIFE IS MINE").
This line is so stupid, neither Colette nor Genis seem to be bothered by it, and they just stare at him. Now that's embarassing.
Lloyd, however, sees his mortal enemies (the Desians), and is freaking out.
Lloyd wrote:I won’t let you Desians get away with anything!
You mean, anything else, right?
The "Desians" think this is pretty funny, and they laugh at him. Now that's embarassing.
Genis wrote:What’s so funny?!
For one thing, Lloyd said he wouldn't let them get away with anything, but they've been doing lots of horrible things for many years, and JUST NOW killed a bunch of people. Also, he's a hyperactive kid with wooden swords who's suggesting he can fight all the Desians at once.
The actual reason is something different, but I think mine works pretty well too.

So the Desians run up and try to kill our heroes!
How can a few kids hope to survive against trained soldiers!? This could be the end!
Colette wrote:(cheerfully) Let's go!
Colette I do not think you understand the situation
But in this world, you can accomplish anything if you believe and are a main character, so they somehow drive off the Desians.
...Well, most of them, anyway. They're replaced by a giant, steroid-using Desian.
Hilariously, when Lloyd hits him with his wooden swords, he says "oww..." in a sad voice. Desians are people too, you know!

After the group beats him up for a while, they suddenly decide to give up and fall over for no reason.
Maybe Kratos shot them while they weren't looking, so he'd have an excuse to dramatically rescue everybody.
Genis wrote:This guy’s strong!
Lloyd wrote:Man, this guy is really tough!
Lloyd is trying to one-up Genis' lines, now, maybe to make himself feel smarter.
Jerk. They're all about to die, and all he can think of is his inflated teenage ego. Some hero he turned out to be.

And the stupid assholes were never heard from again.

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Thu Jun 03, 2010 10:20 pm

Lloyd wrote:Who are you?
That should be "Who are you?"
Angry Kratos wrote:Get out of the way.
Lloyd immediately gets in the way. Yeah, he totally has Oppositional Defiant Disorder (a strong impulse to fight back against authority figures. Or, uh, so I've heard).
Genis tries to do physical attacks at full TP and takes a sword to the face.
Bitch, learn your place! Go make the party a sandwich!

Steroid Dude finally falls.
Steroid Dude wrote:Can't...believe I lost...to a bunch of...kids...
It's called "being in an RPG". Sucks, don't it? Unless you're a kid, of course.
Or Regal. Wait, no, just kids.
Kratos turns his back to the screen dramatically, causing Botta to get scared and run away.
Even though everyone's safe now, the music playing is kind of ominous. This is obviously Kratos' official soundtrack.
Colette wrote:Amazing!...
Damn right! He can actually use HEALING ARTES!
But, uh, what's with that punctuation?...

Genis jumps for joy in the dorkiest way imaginable.
Genis wrote:This guy’s incredibly strong!
Incredibly Strong > Really Tough > Regular Strong
I guess this makes him Extra Strength Kratos.
Lloyd's bitter now because Colette complimented someone other than him.
His male ego must be pretty fragile. Maybe that's why he uses two swords.

Kratos declares that "no one seems to be hurt", even though they were all getting hit with giant weapons. I guess he was just looking at their HP bars.
His Exsphere decides to be dramatic, and sparkles so loudly that it makes everyone's hair twitch.
Before Lloyd can annoy him with questions, Phaidra thanks him for saving the Chosen.
The Chosen herself is too busy looking at flowers or something to thank him, I guess.

Kratos goes "OHHHH THAT'S THE CHOSEN. I thought I was just saving a bunch of retards I randomly found."
So Colette thanks him for saving her life
Colette wrote:That’s right! I have to go accept the oracle!
...Or not.
She says she's ready for the trial. Of course Lloyd's forgotten about what the trial is and has to be reminded by Kratos himself.
Kratos wrote:An evil presence radiates from inside this chapel.
The most powerful characters in anything usually have these "sensing" powers that are never really explained.
That sounds cooler than "really good hearing", though, so I guess that's okay.

Phaidra laments that the priests who were supposed to protect Colette were all killed, and then graciously moved their own bodies and blood offscreen.
That's probably a good thing, actually, because if they couldn't even handle the Desians, I don't think they'd last long in the temple...or worse, on the pilgrimage. That wasn't the idea, was it?

Lloyd, still overconfident and also trying to restore his ego, offers to protect Colette instead.
I guess his confidence is almost justified, because he did just beat up a bunch of trained soldiers.
Phaidra wrote:Lloyd?
So much for his ego. Now an old woman is looking down on him.

Kratos, who usually puts ellipses before his dialogue, now manages to use them without any dialogue at all.
...That's impressive.
Kratos wrote:Your name is Lloyd?
Pretty stupid name, huh?
Lloyd wrote:Yeah, but who are you to ask for my name?
There's no way Lloyd came up with that line just now. He had probably been waiting his entire life to use it.
I guess it works, because Kratos is so stunned that his mouth moves for a while without saying anything.

He introduces himself as a badass mercenary (...with ellipses), and offers to protect the Chosen for money.
Phaidra agrees, knowing a main character when she sees one.
Badass Mercenary Kratos wrote:IT'S A DEAL, THEN.
You really don't have to talk like that all the time, you know.

Lloyd, unknowingly rebelling against his parents, complains that he wants to go too, but Kratos shuts him down and calls him a burden. Which is a little harsh, considering how he did a pretty good job beating up trained soldiers.
Maybe Kratos is just screwing with him.

His hardcoreness is ruined, however, when Colette's horrific Super Happy Theme Song abruptly plays over Kratos' emo music.
Colette insists that Lloyd come, too. Kratos tries to argue ("But..."), but gives up quickly when he remembers that power flows to whoever's theme is playing.
Colette wrote:I get nervous when Lloyd's not around.
What happened to standing on your own two feet?
...Maybe that's only supposed to apply to men. Dwarven Vow #45: No girls allowed.

Kratos stomps off into the temple, but still manages to get off one more ellipses.
Kratos wrote:...Do as you wish.
Lloyd wrote:...Let's go, Genis!
Lloyd, please don't try to copy his stupid ellipses.
I don't care what Kratos thinks, they don't make him sound cool.
Kratos wrote:This isn’t a field trip, you know.
But it's research!

So they all go into the temple, with Genis bringing up the rear.
...His walking animation could use some work. It looks like he's walking on ice.
Lloyd wrote:So this is what the inside of the temple is like.
Yes, Lloyd. Yes it is. Sure is exiting, huh?
Colette says the place feels different than usual. Maybe it's a randomly-generated dungeon.
Kratos senses some more things. GOOD JOB KRATOS
He actually uses the word "sense" and everything!
Kratos wrote:Wait. Lloyd…are your sword techniques self-taught?
So Kratos gives him a book.
Lloyd wrote:What is this thing?

They set off down the hall and quickly get into a fight with a blanket.
Lloyd wrote:I'm counting on you guys.
Lloyd, I know you have your own two feet. There was a close-up on them in the opening, remember?
Kratos wrote:It's sealed.
says Kratos, looking at a magic force field. Gee, really?
Well, if it's like the other seals in this game, if you just wait long enough it'll weaken. Then maybe Desians will come out.

Lloyd is trying really hard to be the leader already.
Colette wrote:The Sorcerer's Ring should open this.
Lloyd wrote:LET'S GET IT
Colette wrote:Um...I forget where it is...
Lloyd wrote:LET'S LOOK FOR IT
Now the monsters are disguising themselves as a small worm. I liked the skull the most, frankly.
Kratos wrote:Give them no quarter!
That's not very nice. What if they want to get something from a snack machine?

After killing ghosts with physical attacks for a while, the group ends up in the basement, where they see a magical ring floating in the distance.
Genis wrote:I bet that's the Sorcerer's Ring.
Genis is the smart one.
Lloyd wrote:LETS GET IT
Lloyd...not as much.
Colette wrote:Look, there's something here. (walks up to giant stone monster)
I guess compared to these guys, Genis' comment was pretty smart...

Kratos defeats the golem.
Kratos wrote:Enemies deserve no mercy.
I think you might regret that comment later on.
Colette wrote:Wow! It turned into a rock!
It was ALREADY a rock!
Lloyd wrote:Well, it was kind of a rock to begin with.
Colette spontaneously falls over with enough force to push a giant stone block. Sadly, she doesn't steal anything from it.
The block falls down below, causing Genis and Kratos to figure out the trick behind the room, even though any player would know what to do as soon as they saw a block.
That means it's time for TALES OF BLOCK PUSHING! Yaaaay

Genis actually predicts the enemy respawning. I don't know if a game character should be able to see that coming...maybe he's even smarter than his name suggests.
He also explains how to solve the block pushing, just in case some retarded player hadn't figured out what to do yet.
Maybe, if he knows he's in a game, he's deliberately insulting the player's intelligence.
Probably as payback for making him do all those physical attacks.
Of course Lloyd still has no idea what to do. Figures.

So they set out to steal everything from the room using the power of blocks, fighting some monsters along the way.
Kratos wrote:Don't get too comfortable.
How comfortable can you get when fighting giant spiders and ghosts, anyway?
Maybe he's also talking to the player. In which case, SHUT UP FAGIT I'LL BE AS COMFORTABLE AS I DAMN WELL PLEASE
At one point, the group abandons Lloyd, who gets the shit kicked out of him by a zombie off in the back. Payback's a bitch.

Last edited by Catbread on Fri Jun 04, 2010 5:19 am; edited 2 times in total

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Fri Jun 04, 2010 12:09 am

The party finds a Life Bottle, which is a bottle with...life...in it. Uh...
They also find a Panacea Bottle, which has a panacea in it. That makes more sense...except for the part where it can cure anything. Like poison or slowness or petrification or paralysis...
I guess it's magic. A wizard must have done it.

After pushing blocks for way too long, the path to the Sorcerer's Ring is finally open. Hey, maybe a sorcerer did it, not a wizard...
The ring gets a huge close-up. It's not really that impressive, guys.
Genis wrote:So this is the Sorcerer's Ring!
Genis is still the smart one.
Genis wrote:It’s a holy artifact of the Church of Martel!
Well duh! It's on a big pedestal in MARTEL TEMPLE!
Kratos wrote:With this, we should be able to deal with most traps and obstacles.
Except for, you know, the fights! THAT'S THE HARD PART!
It can freeze enemies, sure, but that doesn't get anyone XP, now does it?
...So anyway, Lloyd wants to play with the holy artifact, and no one complains. This is because he's the leader.

They get into a few more fights on the way out of the basement.
Lloyd uses Tempest a few times, which sends him flying through the air. HOW DO YOU TEACH YOURSELF TO DO THAT
But I'm liking the battle theme too much to be able to get mad. Man, I could listen to it all day. And I probably will...

Time for a skit ("Test For the Chosen")!
Genis wonders aloud why there are so many monsters in the temple. I don't know, you tell me, Mr. Spawnkiller.
Kratos, who's required to be angry, explains "ITS THE CHOSENS TEST GODDAMN ARE YOU A PUSSY OR WHAT"
Lloyd insists that he knew all along about the monsters being part of the Chosen's trials. It's not like he had to be reminded of that twice already. Nope.
Colette apologises for everything. She's going to be doing a lot more of that over the course of the next few hours.
And finally:
Genis wrote:Dwarven Vow #1! Right?
Lloyd wrote:I told you to stop bringing those up.

Hey, it's a treasure room! SCORE
The party finds 250 Gald...
"Gald", huh?
Sure, whatever.
...and a Life Bottle, and an Apple Gel. But apparently the person playing has the maximum amount already, another clue that the current player is either cheating, or on a really advanced playthrough.
Hey, whatever makes it easier to analyze the story is fine with me.
Although, maybe Genis was only pretending to not have enough room for an Apple Gel because he hates Gels.
The world may never know...

I mean it, Kratos. You shouldn't talk like that all the time. It'll mess up your voice.
Kratos also uses Hurricane Thrust, a thrust which somehow hits everyone in a circle. I guess he was thinking, "Thrust attacks move in straight lines? TO HELL WITH THAT I'M KRATOS I DON'T TAKE SHIT FROM NOBODY".

They reach the force field at the entrance and Lloyd dispels it with a sparkle from the Sorcerer's Ring.
Of course, he's dissapointed that it didn't make the door explode. Understandable.
Behind it is a magical teleporter that magics everybody to the top floor, which doesn't surprise anyone for some reason.
"yeah a teleporter w/e"

So they reach the top. Cue the obligitory "I GUESS THIS IS THE TOP FLOOR" from a smart person. This time it's Kratos.
Lloyd wrote:Then that shining thing there must be the Cruxis Crystal.
...Is this the first time Lloyd actually knew something? I'm surprised enough that he can pronounce "Cruxis".
Colette wrote:That’s right. They say I was born with that in my hand.
I'm afraid if this is true, then the angels have been doing things I DO NOT want to think about. ALL THE MORE REASON TO KILL THEM ALL

Then light shines down from the ceiling. I guess we're supposed to assume it isn't just sunlight.
A ball of light drifts down, and after several seconds of shining and temporary blindness for everyone in the room, it turns into a prettyful angel, accompanied by angelic choir of course.
Lloyd wrote:Wh…what is that?
Kratos wrote:An angel, I would assume.
Yeah, Kratos sounded pretty sarcastic when he said that. Lloyd, you're a dumbass.

Genis wonders if the angel is Colette's real father, which comes out of nowhere because I don't think "Colette might have been raised by angels" was mentioned before.
Maybe Genis assumes that's who put the Cruxis Crystal into Collete's mom's vagina. And now I'm going to forget about everything I've just said in order to preserve my sanity.

The gynecologist angel introduces himself as Remiel.
Remiel wrote:I am here to guide Colette, daughter of the mana lineage,
What the heck does that mean?
Is Colette descended from a magic tree?
Remiel wrote:...on her journey to heaven as the seventh Chosen.
That sneaky bastard. He's actually saying "WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU", but in a way no one notices.
Remiel wrote:The time has come to awaken the Goddess Martel, who sleeps at the center of the world.
The center of the world is, of course, in the sky.

Genis remarks that awakening THE GODDESS is "just like the legend Raine told us about."
I think that was Kratos, actually. See, he's in this shot and everything. He knows.

The disgusting crystal floats around while Lloyd and Colette stare at the shiny. By the looks on their faces, you can tell they're both thinking the same thing: nothing.
It hits Colette in the neck and shines a lot. Lloyd quickly teleports to the other side of the room in case she blows up.
Instead, it turns into a necklace or something. Kind of anticlimactic, really.
Remiel wrote:From this moment, Colette becomes the Chosen of Regeneration.
Even though everyone's been calling her "The Chosen" her entire life, NOW it's really official! For srs y'know

Remiel says that Cruxis is giving the world of Sylvarant a gift for The Day Of Prophecy Day: the Tower of Salvation. The camera is so exited, it flies right over to get a good look at it.
Of course, the tower didn't fall from the sky or burst up from the ground. It was just there suddenly.
Angel magic is the best magic!
Oh and also the tower is infinite stories tall. But that goes without saying.

Oh, I forgot to mention- there might be spoilers in this, so WATCH OUT

Last edited by Kratos Aurion on Fri Jun 04, 2010 4:39 pm; edited 2 times in total

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Fri Jun 04, 2010 4:52 am

The party ooohs and aaahs over the Tower of Salvation, which is almost too far away for them to see.
Genis wrote:Now the world will be saved!
Yeah...about that...
Let me put it this way: You'll get to see new places!
Remiel wrote:Colette, the Chosen of Regeneration.
You know, in case she forgot her name again.
Remiel wrote:Unlock the seals that guard the Tower of Salvation and continue now on your quest to RECOVER ALL EIGHT SHARDS THAT WILL RESTORE THE ENTRANCE TO THE DESECRATED TEMPLE
Because really, what's the difference?

Colette accepts the holy mission quest, because it's not like she could say "no". This is kind of the point her whole life has been leading up to. Free will is for suckers who don't want to get murdered by gay people in a death tower, anyway.
Remiel wrote:VERY GOOD.
Kratos will you STOP-
Wait, no, Remiel said that.
...That's not cool, man

Angel Dude says that Colette will get more angel powers as she unlocks seals.
She can't get all of them at once, and she also can't get the best ones first, because trials.
Cruxis is, collectively, a dick.
Remiel wrote:Once you are reborn as an angel, this eroded world shall be regenerated.
Of course, the explanation would take too long and reveal too many evil schemes, so Remiel is saving that for later, because he's a thoughtful guy.
Colette wrote:I swear on my life I will regenerate the world.

Angel Head ends his overblown speech by telling Colette to unlock (?) the Pyre Fire Seal, which he keeps saying is in "a distant land".
That's not good for group morale, you know. "First, go to the Fire Seal, which is, like, so far away, you guys have no idea."

But before he can escape into the heavens, Colette asks him to wait, so he stops on the way up and just kind of hangs there and is all like "WHAT!?"
She tries to ask him whether he's her "real father". I guess that beats him being connected to her in...some other, Cruxis Crystal-related way.
Colette wrote:Are you really my fa-
Okay, so he actually said "First head to the Seal of Fire. Understood?" but you know that's basically what he was thinking.
Although he does add:
Remiel wrote:My beloved daughter, Colette.
Probably so she won't bother him about it at every seal.
I forget if we're ever straight up told whether he's actually her father.
...Probably not.

So Colette is all :D and this gives Remiel time to escape into the heavens...or to put it more accurately, into the upside-down pool of water in the ceiling, leaving behind a trail of ANGEL FEATHERS.
Everyone's too stunned to move or say anything, except for Lloyd, who runs around and talks to everybody.
Kratos is still being Captain Obvious. "That was the oracle." "Colette must travel to a faraway land." "We can go now."

That last one helps the group realize that they can actually leave.
But they still don't move fast enough for Kratos, who randomly says "WE'RE GOING ON AHEAD" and drags Colette away.
Colette can't do anything unless Lloyd's there! YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL KRATOS
Before she leaves, she tells them to drop by her house later, presumably for cake. Oh boy I love cake
Genis wrote:The rumor was true.
The dumb rumor about Colette being birthed by angels that we never knew about until now, of course!!
Lloyd wrote:What rumor?
...oh lol.
Here Lloyd acts rationally for a change, saying that family's still family even if you're not related.
Genis shuts up instantly and apologises because Lloyd, making sense? What the fuck

Then we get to hear "Lloyd's Thoughts on Angels". I want to know what he thought angels looked like before seeing Remiel.
Turns out he was surprised they have wings, even though they're described as having wings in the holy scripture. *Sigh*
The skit ends up being pretty good though, because Lloyd's thinking about angels in the same way I do, examining them from a practical standpoint, and wondering how they can get their wings to fit in their clothes, ending with the amazing line:
Lloyd wrote:Being an angel is pretty inconvenient, huh?
Genis can't reach this level of thought. Obviously it takes a special mind to be able to think this way.

Lloyd and Genis teleport back to the main lobby and run straight into THE MOST HORRIBLE MONSTER OF ALL!!!
It's Raine, who's been God knows where for the last several minutes. Only it looks like she doesn't have pupils anymore.
Lloyd is confused enough to try and get her attention. Somehow, this feels like the dumbest thing he's done all game, but even Genis is confused and seems to have forgotten that they're still supposed to be in class.

So Raine flips out and both Lloyd and Genis imagine a giant drop of water. Maybe they're thirsty?
Raine runs up to Genis and gives him a spanking.
Lloyd agrees with me, and closes his eyes in horror.
Raine wrote:…You’re next, Lloyd. Are you ready?
Fortunately, she just kicks him across the room. Well, that's a relief.

Once her theme has returned to normal, Raine tells them she's there to study the temple...which is true, but she studies it in about the same way one would study pornography.
She tells them that she needed special permission to enter, but I think she could have gotten permission anytime she wanted, as long as she asked crazily enough. In fact, maybe that's what she did.

So Lloyd and Genis got the hell out of there and returned to The Field, where there was a skit called "The Journey".
Genis wrote:What's Colette going to do now?
I thought you were supposed to be the smart one. Even Lloyd figures that she's just maybe going to THE FIRE SEAL REMIEL MENTIONED ABOUT 1,000 TIMES.
So Colette's going to leave the village...
And that's the whole skit.

They have to fight some extremely violent woodland creatures on the way back to Iselia.
I love how the enemy's special moves are listed at the top of the screen, even if it's just a rabbit using a devestating TWIN KICK.
Also, in the same fight, Lloyd used Demon Fang, but forgot to shout "Demon Fang" for a couple of seconds.
So he killed a wolf with it and then shouted "DEMON FANG". See, this is the whole problem with self-taught swordsmanship!
Lloyd wrote:Just as I expected.
Yeah, I'm sure all that flailing around was the key element in your perfect strategy.

Lloyd wrote:This is gonna be a piece of cake!
Obviously Lloyd can't wait to have that cake at Colette's house.
Hurry and kill these small animals so you can get to it faster!
So Lloyd goes into OVER LIMIT.
Lloyd wrote:Okay.
What kind of Over Limit quote is that!?
Whatever. They win, and stuff.
Genis wrote:And don't come back!
Is he yelling at the enemies as they run/fly away, or their mangled, bloody corpses?
Maybe he's yelling at their spirits, trying to keep them from respawning.

Lloyd and Genis finally reach Iselia and Lloyd runs at top speed to Colette's house. CAKE TIME YEEEAAAHHH
Mayor wrote:Then, we shall entrust the protection of the Chosen to Kratos and Raine.
Kratos wrote:I have no objections.
What the hell!? THIS ISN'T CAKE AT ALL
Colette, who's there with everybody, suddenly shoots lines out of her head, indicating that she's remembered something!
Colette wrote:Thank you so much for your help earlier!
Wow. Colette finally remembered to thank Kratos for saving her life about ten times in one day. Better late than never, I guess.
Wait...never mind, she was talking to Lloyd. That explains it.
Phaidra also wants to thank Lloyd for his help, so she gives him 300 Gald.

Nah, just kidding! That would make too much sense!
She gives him the Collector's Book. In other words, she rewarded Lloyd with the task OF COLLECTING EVERY ITEM IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. That'll teach you to skip school!

Lloyd figures, as long as he's there, he may as well offer his expert opinion on the discussion.
Lloyd wrote:Say, were you talking about the world regeneration journey just now?
Of course not! Colette just needs two bodyguards to help her cross the street.
Obviously they are talking about the world regeneration journey, and Lloyd announces that he wants to go too so he can see Colette regenerate the world, while everyone else in the room rolls their eyes.
Genis wrote:If Raine is going, I want to go, too.
And also because Colette and Lloyd would be going, right? ...Right?

Kratos tells him to piss off as usual, saying he'd just get in the way. Lloyd, of course, can't imagine how he could possibly get in the way of anything, so he gets really mad.
Kratos' response is to be as insulting as he possibly can. Yeah, that'll get him to listen to you, all right...
Kratos the Baby-Kicker wrote:Children need to stay home.
Kratos' emphasis on specific words leaves Lloyd speechless as the Mayor tells him "Yeah the scary guy has a point and you should probably go home and stuff".
They leave the house without a word. KRATOS WINS AGAIN

Colette runs walks after them, but she runs walks too fast and falls over, which makes her think about diagonal lines.
Colette wrote:I'm sorry.
Lloyd wrote:It’s not like it’s your fault.
Colette wrote:Oh yeah…I’m sorry.
By the end of the game, Colette will have apologised for every problem in the entire world.

Genis wishes her a happy birthday and gives her some of his specialty: Genis' Outrageously Powerful Cookies (TM). This makes Lloyd realize that he can be sorry about something, too!
Genis wrote:So what about you, Lloyd? You promised to make her a necklace, right?
Lloyd wrote:…Uhhh…heh…
Genis wrote:…Don’t tell me you forgot.
Wow Genis you are a dick
Lloyd explains that the necklace is almost done, really!
Colette appears to fall for it, and sounds overjoyed at the idea of maybe getting a necklace.

She tells him that she'll hit up his house before she leaves on her voyage of death.
Lloyd wrote:Isn't it going to be dangerous?
Lloyd's not a dick, he's just stupid.
wrote:I’m the Chosen, remember? I’ll be fine.
Uh, actually, I think that makes it less likely for you to be fine...

Colette goes back inside to plan for her funeral journey.
Genis wrote:...Liar.
Fortunately, Lloyd is a skillful procrastinator!
Lloyd wrote:If I start on it now, I’ll finish it in time.
Genis wrote:Oh, really? Well, whatever.
Wow Genis you really are a dick

But Lloyd's been hogging all the stupidity for a while now, and Genis thinks it's his turn.
He asks if he can walk home with Lloyd so he can see "a friend", leading to this hostile-sounding exchange:
Lloyd wrote:I didn’t know you had friends outside the village besides me. (LOL NERD)
Genis wrote:Does it matter? (SHUT UP FAGGOT)

And then, to add insult to insult, a skit entitled "Sole Redeeming Feature". This is going to be good.
Lloyd wrote:Man, that Kratos really pisses me off!
Oh really? I hadn't noticed.
Genis cheerfully repeats Kratos' hilarious insults, like the ever-popular "you'd just get in the way", and ends, of course, with "LOL HE PUT DOWN YOUR ONLY REDEEMING QUALITY LOLOLOLOL".
Which is totally unfair, by the way! Lloyd has lots of good qualities!
Like...he can make necklaces! And recite useless Dwarven Vows! And...uh...sleep while standing up!
And some other things, I guess.

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Post by The Universe on Fri Jun 04, 2010 4:41 pm


Tales of Tales of Symphonia 28ldymo
Matthew O'Connell says: (3:13:42 AM)
~°∆°[[Bizz] says: (9:24:45 PM)
You guys, I am stalking a girl from Spain.
Wist says: (9:25:06 PM)
Me too.
Lyle wrote:The song was one big saxophone solo and it has a girl dressed up like Santa Claus.

I'm so on board with this, it's not even funny.
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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Fri Jun 04, 2010 5:45 pm

Lloyd wrote:There, we've come to your house.
What makes you think Genis can't recognize his own house?
Genis invites him in, and the player has trouble manuvering to the door (HA).
Turns out he had to pick up his sandwich-making equipment. Lloyd is confused.
Genis wrote:You shouldn’t make fun of cooking, Lloyd.
Or he will cook you! In a sandwich, I guess.
Is making a sandwich really considered "cooking"?

Sandwiches are important because they heal you for some reason.
Maybe if you rub one of Genis' sandwiches on an open wound, it magically heals. He is a pretty good cook sandwich maker, after all.
Lloyd wrote:Yeah, I guess you’re right. Apple Gels aren’t cheap, after all.
...Or maybe cooking's so important because Genis still hates gels.
Hear an explanation about cooking?
The cooking in this game can get weird, fast. Sandwiches are a great example, because when you run out of ingredients, the party gets to enjoy some delicious bread sandwiches.

After making fun of Genis some more for being a huge nerd ("You read books?"), the two of them are off again, and soon arrive at the village's main gate.
The guards there are scared of a non-threatening doglike creature. Best guards ever
The creature's name is Noishe (uh what), and is apparently Lloyd's dog.
So he tells it not to-

It's green...and has wings instead of ears! And it's as big as a horse! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE

So, uh, he tells it not to try and enter the village anymore. Which makes sense. Hellspawn isn't usually welcomed into society.
Lloyd's possible affiliation with the devil reminds one of the guards that the Mayor had a question for Lloyd.
He wanted to ask whether Lloyd had been "playing" (?) near the human ranch in the northwest forest. No, but now that you've given him such colorful directions, he's about to.
But Genis' reply is "Y…yeah. Of course not", meaning he obviously has, and it's a good thing for him that the guards are stupid and can't understand foreshadowing.

The guards are still freaking out over Noishe, and warn Lloyd not to let him go near the ranch, either.
I guess they arrest wild animals. That's intense.
Guard wrote:Be careful, you two.
Lloyd wrote:We will.
And then he burned down the village.
Wait, that happens later. Never mind.
After wondering why Noishe was trying to go into the village for some mysterious, Kratos-related reason, Lloyd and Genis roll out, soon arriving at the northwestern Iselia Forest.

As soon as they get into the forest, Noishe starts whining. He's been whining ever since he first appeared! WHINER
He's whining because "he'll never go near places like this that have lots of monsters," as Lloyd puts it.
This is to show why you can't ride Noishe in non-field places...even though you haven't been told how to ride him AT ALL yet.
I can think of another place that has lots of monsters in it. I think it's called THE FIELD!

Lloyd calls Noishe a monster, and he runs away because his feelings are hurt. Hey buddy, you looked in a mirror lately?
Genis wrote:I keep thinking, if he’s going to run away, he should at least take us with him.
Then you wouldn't be able to go through the forest! Did you think of that, genius!?

And the monsters attack, now disguised as a raccoon. At least they try to match the area's theme...most of the time.
The monsters sneak up on the party from behind, but that's okay, because you can only be ambushed if there are 5 or more people in your group. Makes sense.
Genis uses Force Field to defend himself. HEY WAIT A MINUTE

As they walk, Lloyd asks about "Genis' Friend".
Lloyd's used his super detective skills to notice that Genis had been sneaking food out of school, and deduces that his friend is the person he'd been saving it for.
He also deduces that the friend is a dog, because if Lloyd says something smart, he has to say something really stupid afterwards to make up for it. Better luck next time.

Finally, they arrive at a fork in the road.
Genis wrote:Here's my stop.
What, the Memory Circle?
No, he's going to the human ranch. "WAIT A MINUTE" thinks Lloyd. "I remember someone talking about that ranch just yesterday"

Last edited by Kratos Aurion on Sat Jun 05, 2010 7:17 am; edited 5 times in total

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Post by Creeping Shadow on Fri Jun 04, 2010 7:29 pm

Fuckin' awesome. Keep it up.

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Sat Jun 05, 2010 7:17 am

Thanks a lot for the support. For what it's worth, I've sworn to stay with this project until the bitter end.

Genis explains that going to the forbidden human ranch is okay because "the Desians already attacked the temple".
May as well throw rocks at the Desians, then! It's okay because THEY STARTED IT!
Also, since he's already friends with someone here, that means he was sneaking around since before the Desians attacked.
He's probably just trying to confuse Lloyd, who doesn't realize that. So uh good job I guess
Lloyd decides to go too because he's worried about Genis being there on his own. Well, now that you're here, Lloyd, there's no way anything could possibly go wrong!

So the idiots sneak up to the ranch. The front gate is so evil, it has drills on top of it.
To make sure that we in the audience know the Desians are evil, we see the inside of the ranch, where humans are being forced to push heavy blocks around an inch at a time.
Come on, guys, it can't be that hard. Colette was pushing those around like they were nothing just a few minutes ago!
Also, there's no construction or anything similar going on, making it look like the humans are being forced to push blocks around for no reason at all. This turns out to be true!!

Lloyd runs right past the front gate. Good thing he's so sure there aren't any guards or security cameras watching it!
An old woman inside the ranch is hiding behind a building, looking back at her fellow slaves and thinking "Haha suckers".
She heads towards the wire fence bordering the ranch just in time to meet Genis, who's on the other side. I guess they have a schedule worked out.
Yeah, Genis has been coming here way too often.

The woman's name is Marble, the lastest addition to the ever-growing list of weird character names. Sadly, "Marble" is one of the less silly ones.
Marble wrote:Genis! Is that your friend?
Lloyd wrote:Yeah, I’m Lloyd.
Unless he was talking about some other friend, like Colette.
Maybe Marble thinks Lloyd's the Chosen now.
She says she saw the Tower of Salvation...even though it was behind a fence, past the forest, and A MILLION MILES AWAY.
Marble wrote:Now, the Chosen’s journey of regeneration can finally begin.
Marble wrote:I hope it is successful this time…
Oh snap. I guess I wasn't kidding after all.
Lloyd wrote:The last Chosen failed, right?
Marble wrote:Yes. I heard the Chosen was killed by Desians during the journey.
And he/she was never heard from again
Genis wrote:I wonder if Colette will be all right?…
She'll be fine. She has her own theme song and everything!...
Marble wrote:Let us pray to Martel. May she guide the Chosen on a safe journey.
Uh, you'd better hope she isn't guiding the Chosen. She's asleep at the wheel.

Just then, Lloyd notices something!
Yeah, it's something shiny. Why do you ask?
Lloyd wrote:…Hey, grams—
Genis gets mad. You have to respect your elders, Lloyd! You should address her as "kilograms" at the very least.

Lloyd's noticed an Exsphere on Marble's hand. The Desians put it on her.
For some reason, they decided it'd be a good idea to put their strength-enhancing crystal on an old woman.
Maybe everyone gets them. If so, they must be pretty sucky Exspheres if their hosts still can't push those blocks more than an inch at a time.

But Marble's Exsphere doesn't have a Key Crest on it! OH NO
Lloyd quickly explains that Exspheres without Key Crests "supposedly" make you sick.
And here's the proof! This one turned Marble into an ugly old person! OH THE HUMANITY

Lloyd starts running his mouth about special ores and everyone else gets bored.
Marble calls him "very knowledgeable", which is code for "a huge nerd". Damn annoying blacksmith fanboys...
Genis wrote:But it looks like Marble’s Exsphere doesn’t have a mount at all.
You mean, the Desians attched an Exsphere to Marble WITHOUT TAKING THE PROPER SAFETY MEASURES!?

Lloyd offers to make the Key Crest himself, even though it'd obviously be confiscated as soon as a Desian saw it.
But first, he needs the special magic anti-sickness ore.
So he's going to go up to his dad and say, "So I was hanging around at the forbidden ranch and talked to a slave there, putting my entire village in danger. Also, can I have your rare metals?"
Genis wrote:All right! That’s why I like you, Lloyd.
Because of the comic relief?

Suddenly, a Desian sees Marble and yells at her. Somehow, he can't see Lloyd or Genis, even though they're clearly visable through the fence, and one of them is wearing bright red.
Marble tells them to run! But Lloyd hesitates! Because he's a dumbass!
Lloyd wrote:But who knows what they may do to her.
You know, that's probably not going to make Marble feel any better about the situation.
Genis explains why they need to get the hell out of there, speaking very slowly to make sure Lloyd understands, while the Desian who yelled at Marble stares in their direction and checks his watch.

Finally, Lloyd wises up, and flees with Genis.
Lloyd wrote:I’m sorry, grams!
You just had to get that last bit of disrespect off, didn't you?
The Desians finally show up to berate Marble. There are three of them now, because the first guy called for backup. Old women are known for being extremely violent.

The Desians get mad because Marble's looking at them funny. I bet they're really self-conscious and hate being stared at, like Boos.
Shy Desian wrote:Looks like someone’s got an attitude problem!
Marble the Hardcore Rebel wrote:No, of course not, I…

The Desians are going to "give her a little lesson on respect". Uh oh, I think they might actually be talking about hitting her.
Desians wrote:YEAH!
Wow, you sure are enthusiastic about beating an old woman. You know, I'm starting to think the Desians might not be very nice after all.

So they drag her away.
Wait, no, they all just walk away. Maybe Marble's hoping to get off easy for good behavior.
Turns out Lloyd and Genis didn't run away, after all. They were hiding behind a small bush.
...How can you both be this stupid!?
But there's no time for logic or anything, because the Desians are going to hit Marble! OH NO
Even though the Desians treat everyone badly, Marble is much more important than regular slaves because Lloyd talked to her for a minute. SO SHE MUST BE RESCUED!!!
Even if Especially if doing so puts all of Iselia in danger! (cheerfully) Let's go!
Lloyd wrote:Let’s find higher ground where we can see what’s going on in there.
Good call, Lloyd. The Desians can't win when you have the high ground.
So he runs past the gate again and comes to a rocky slope.
Lloyd wrote:It looks like we can go up from here.
It what?
That's a giant rock! How are you supposed to be able to "go up" it!?

So Lloyd leaps great distances into the air until he's on top of the rocky ledge. Oh wow.
Hey, someone left a treasure chest up there! SCORE
There was an Orange Gel inside. Now, I don't know about you, but these Gel things sound like they taste pretty damn good. I want one.

Once Lloyd (and Genis, who could also jump that high!) reaches the coveted high ground, he sees Marble getting whipped by the Desians in a fairly tame torture scene. It's almost kind of silly.
Fortunately, there's a public hanging later on that'll more than make up for the lack of brutality here. ITS MAGNIUS FROM THE EASTERN RANCH

Anyway, the two decide that the situation is so horrific, they have to intervene RIGHT NOW!
Lloyd wrote:You attack the Desians from here with magic.
Sounds like a great plan so far!
...Also, the Desians are really far away. I'm just saying. I hope you're feeling lucky today, Genis.
Genis wrote:What?! Aren’t we gonna get in trouble?!
Lloyd wrote:We don’t have a choice!
You could probably just leave. This kind of thing happens all the time in evil slave compounds. It's not like this is any worse than the countless other beatings that have...
You know what? I've stopped caring. That whipping noise is starting to get on my nerves, anyway.
Go for it, Lloyd! Iselia is counting on you to destroy it!
Lloyd wrote:I'll act as a decoy.
Genis wrote:But that’ll put you in danger!
Don't question it, Genis. Just get out of there while you still can.
Don't let Lloyd's semi-heroic leadership drag you to your doom! Even if collapsing force fields are involved!

Genis finally agrees to Lloyd's crazy plan. He's also nice enough to give Lloyd some of his leftover Genis' Outrageously Powerful Cookies (TM), which restore all of Lloyd's HP and TP.
What the hell did he put in those, cocaine!?
I don't care how good Regal is at cooking with his feet, this makes Genis the best cook in the game automatically.

The cookies are so incredible, their mere presence lets Genis cast a triple homing fireball that hits all the Desians at once from long range.
The Desians immediately look around to see what manner of god is calling down hellfire on their unclean souls, and see Lloyd jumping around on the wall. Show-off.
I guess they're so angry, they completely forget about punishing Marble. Of course.

They open the main gate and chase after Lloyd, but the game decides that a non-Lloyd character has been getting too lucky lately.
So Genis tries to sneak away, but trips and falls. MITHOS IS SAKURAI
The Desians might have terrible eyesight, but they make up for it with their hearing.
As soon as Genis hits the ground, they immediately go WHAT WAS THAT and look in his direction.
Quick, Genis, use the camoflauge menu! Pretend to be dirt!

Lloyd doubles back to save Genis. He manages to distract the Desians by murdering them.
I guess that's one way to do it, yeah.
Ooh! That means it's time for the game's very first DESIAN DIALOGUE!
(See, those guys at the start weren't really Desians. But you knew that already...and if you didn't, then I've probably spoiled the entire game for you by now. My bad.)
every Desian ever wrote:NO USE!
Lloyd wrote:Just as I expected!
Whatever you say...

Unfortunately for the all-knowing Lloyd, the fallen Desians' death cries alerted the rest of the ranch, as well as every other living thing within twenty miles.
So Lloyd thinks fast and jumps off a cliff. He's pretty good at that, isn't he...
A couple minutes later, he lands and meets up with Genis near the outskirts of the forest.
Genis apologises for screwing up Lloyd's brilliant plan, but our hero insists that ITS NOTHING.
Lloyd wrote:I took out the ones that saw my face,
In other words, you killed two soldiers with your wooden swords and are talking about it like it's no big deal.
That's some pretty extreme modesty right there, with just a hint of ruthlessness.
Don't get consumed by violence, Lloyd! That's the pathway to darkness! Remiel never told you what happened to your father.
Lloyd wrote:...and the rest of them are still back up on the cliff.
How're you supposed to know that? You're kind of not on the cliff any more.
Maybe they're about to jump out at you RIGHT NOW!
...Or maybe not.
Lloyd wrote:Just do my homework for me, okay?
If she finds out about this scheme of yours, Raine's going to kick you so hard, you'll be ported to the PS2.

As Lloyd and Genis part ways and head for their respective homes, a scene change shows us that, yes, the Desians had indeed been standing around on that cliff the whole time.
They've been joined by a dude with freaky aqua-colored hair and a bitchin' arm cannon.
The game script I'm reading off of refers to him as "Man with a Board-Shaped Arm". Yeah how about no
Dude wrote:Analyze the data from the gate surveillance system!
...You could just ask him to play back the recording. No need to be all creative. Really!
He wonders aloud how a "mere human" could have survived a jump off the cliff. You and me both...

A helpful on-screen message informs us that Genis gave Lloyd all of his stuff before leaving.
I'm sure he has a very good reason for doing something like that. I just...can't think of what it could be right now.
On the way back to his house, Lloyd beats up a bunch of defenseless critters. You know, for training!

He also opens a bunch of treasure chests, some of which are lying in the middle of the road.
Even though he goes down that road every day to go to school, he never really saw it until today. That, or he's just a dumbass.
He found a bunch of Apple and Orange Gels (*slurp*), 500 Gald, and a Leather Glove.
Yeah, only one glove. I guess that's okay to wear, but it must look horribly asymmetrical.

Noishe whines some more in a skit. Dammit Noishe, get over yourself already.

Lloyd finally arrives at "Dirk's House", which doubles as Lloyd's house.
He looks at a tombstone next to the house for a moment.
Lloyd wrote:I’m home, Mom…

Last edited by Catbread on Fri Jun 18, 2010 6:51 am; edited 1 time in total

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Post by RESSURECTED LYLE DAYEK on Sat Jun 05, 2010 9:22 am

I've only had time this morning to read up to part 5. But this is hilarious. We should figure out a way to make this in a comic style thing. I was thinking we should do some voice overs and have Catbread saying the dialogue not said by specific characters.

Catbread, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to talk on MSN and maybe do some proofreading with you on the first chapter, so it could fit into a movie-comic style format. Then we could discuss what dialogue we would need and who could do voice acting and such.

Also, more off topicness: I'm really quite proud of you Catbread. I don't mean to sound condescending, but in the past month you've really started busting your ass and working really hard for the site. And I think it shows with the activity of the site. It's increased a lot over the past few weeks, and this week in particular. I'll show up after getting lunch and have 10 topics with new posts in them. And I think you have a lot to do with that in one way or another.

This may have not been the right topic to say that in, but I figured I ought to let you know.

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Sat Jun 05, 2010 5:12 pm

Wow, thanks.

Yeah, I can help set up some kind of movie-comic thing.
...I'm gonna be out for a few hours today, but I can start as soon as I get back.

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Sun Jun 06, 2010 2:44 am

Lloyd seems to pause at the entrance to his house, most likely rehearsing his story.
Then he goes inside, and his dad (Dirk the Dwarf) welcomes him home.
Lloyd wrote:Hi, Dad. Say, is there any chance you could make me a Key Crest?
Wow. Not only does he just come out and ask about the Key Crest, he tries to get his dad to make it for him! Clever bastard.
Dirk wrote:Why do you need a Key Crest all of a sudden?
Unfortunately for him, Dirk is cleverer.

Lloyd tries to avoid the forbidden ranch issue by saying he met "someone" with an unsafe Exsphere. But OH NO he realizes. WHAT IF IT'S TOO LATE!?
Dirk wrote:Nah, not at all. But even removing an Exsphere that lacks a Key Crest is dangerous.
Seriously, I want to know what these mystery Exsphere sicknesses are.
Although I have some idea already, I'd like a less stupid answer. Please?

So Lloyd is all "GREAT! GIMME IT" but his dad isn't going to fall for this so easily.
He asks who's about to die a painful, Exsphere-related death.
Lloyd wrote:Huh? Ah…uhh…a traveler. A traveling mercenary.
He's still thinking about Kratos. At this point, I think he might have a man-crush.
Dirk wrote:Baloney. Exspheres are basically only used by Desians.
And also, Lloyd sucks at lying.
Dirk wrote:If he took one from a Desian, it should already have a Key Crest on it.
If only Lloyd had killed some Desians recently! Then he could have taken one of their Key Crests.

Dirk uses Dwarven Vows to get Lloyd to confess. Curse you, Dwarven Vows!
Dirk wrote:Dwarven Vow #11: Lying is the first step to the path of thievery!
This isn't a very impressive vow. I think the dwarves should spice these up, like Aesop's fables or the Grimm Brothers' fairy tales.
"Dwarven Vow #11: If you lie, witches will eat your bones."
See? Much better!

So Lloyd admits that he kinda sorta violated the non-agression treaty, and Dirk flips out.
Well, almost. The camera shows the outside of the house, as though Dirk's yelling loud enough to be heard clearly outside, but his voice is still at medium volume, so the effect is ruined. SORRY, TRY AGAIN!
Lloyd wrote:I…I’m sorry. A bunch of stuff happened...
Complete plot summary, right there.

Dirk's just glad the Desians didn't see Lloyd's Exsphere. He'd better watch out, or it might get a close-up. Then everyone would see it.
...I didn't even realize he was trying to hide it.
Lloyd wrote:But why is it so important to hide this thing?
Why haven't you asked about this before?

"Hey Lloyd, you'd better hide your Exsphere."
*years pass*
"Hey wait a minute why do I have to do that"

Actually, that doesn't sound too far-fetched...
Lloyd wrote:The mercenary that came to the village today wore his right out in the open.
Dirk wrote:…Your Exsphere is special.
Lloyd wrote:Special? Is it different from the ones the Desians have equipped?
Yep, Lloyd doesn't know what "special" means. Now that's ironic.
Dirk wrote:…That Exsphere is your mother’s keepsake.
The ellipses mean Dirk is starting to get DRAMATIC. The music stops and everything.
I think I see what Dirk's getting at. If a Desian sees Lloyd's Exsphere, he'll get jealous and try to kill Lloyd because it belonged to Lloyd's mom, and Desians are inhuman creatures that don't have moms.
Wait never mind he's still going
Dirk wrote:The Desians killed your mother in order to take it from her.
So that's why Dirk didn't tell him.
Lloyd, please don't go on a crazy revenge spree. The Desians kill loads of people, and-
Oh, great, now the music's all angsty...
Dirk wrote:Because you're a dumbass!
Well, that's what he MEANT.
Dirk wrote:The Tower of Salvation appeared today. Just leave the rest to Colette.
Now if that isn't the least reassuring thing he could say...
Oh yeah, the whole world's depending on Colette.
...That's just great.
Dirk wrote:Don’t get involved with the Desians. Your mother protected you and that Exsphere with her life. Don’t go throwing either away.
Lloyd wrote:…So will you make me the Key Crest?
Oh lol.

Lloyd tells his dad that he thinks throwing his life away sounds like a pretty good idea.
So Dirk loses it and tries to punch him. I used to think Dirk was overreacting when he did that, but after going over their whole conversation, I can see that he absolutely was not.
It's actually Lloyd who overreacts, because Dirk threw what looked like the weakest punch imaginable, but Lloyd leaps away from it with incredible speed and yells really loud.
Lloyd wrote:UGH! YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIT ME!!!
At this point, you're lucky he isn't trying to lock you in a closet!

Lloyd escapes his house, furious that his dad thinks his insane suicidal revenge plan is a bad idea, to discover that his best friend, his girlfriend, his teacher, and his mancrush were all listening to him be a stupid bitch.
I would say this is Lloyd's worst day ever, but he's got a long game ahead of him.
Genis wrote:I’m sorry, because of me, you…
Lloyd wrote:It’s okay, it’s not your fault.
True enough. He can make terrible decisions on his own.
Raine wrote:…Lloyd, you should go speak to Colette.
She's right there, you know.
Lloyd wrote:…Okay.
...Why is everyone doing that!?

So Lloyd goes five steps and talks to Colette.
Colette wrote:Lloyd, let’s go up to the terrace. <3
It sounds like she's trying to seduce him. Whattt
But Lloyd isn't ready for that just yet, so he decides to talk to everyone else first, because why not.
Genis, who is definitely not a half-elf, has a question to ask him.
Genis wrote:The Desians are half-elves, right?
This is actually the first I've heard of that, so...yes they are?
Genis wrote:So does that mean that you're going to go crazy and attack me half-elves are responsible for your mother's death?
If you're friends with someone who's prone to violent revenge, it pays to ask about this kind of thing.
But Genis doesn't have to worry. Lloyd only kills people who are very obviously evil.
Unfortunately this includes half the world and everything in heaven. Good luck, guys!

Lloyd talks to the Professor, too, saying he'll miss her when she's gone.
Raine wrote:Hehe, thank you. By the way, did you finish Colette's present?
Lloyd wrote:It's...it's almost done.
Raine wrote:Oh? Well, I'm sure it'll be fine. You're at least good at craftwork.
So half-elves are evil, after all.

Of course he talks to Kratos, who's visiting his wife's Lloyd's mom's grave.
He plays the "absentee parent" game for a while.
Kratos wrote:Is your father alive? (HAHA I'M TRICKING YOU)
Picking on mentally handicapped children...you should be ashamed of yourself!

After exhausting all other options, Lloyd goes and talks to Colette on the balcony, because the balcony is the most romantic architectural structure.
Lloyd wrote:I’m sorry for not finishing your birthday present in time.
That explains why he was putting off talking to her.
He might have escaped, too, but Raine was blocking the only way out. DAMN HALF-ELVES
But Colette says it doesn't really matter, even though Lloyd gets head lice in an attempt to show how sorry he is. So he just wishes her an extremely shaky "happy birthday".
Colette wrote:I’m glad I was able to live to this day.
Lloyd wrote:What are you talking about? You’re going to keep on living and regenerate the world.
Colette wrote:…Yeah. THIS IS A LIE
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the worst lier who ever lived.
Lloyd falls for it because he's trusting and probably can't even imagine Colette lying to him.
Considering she's such a poor lier, I don't really blame him.

Lloyd wants to go with Colette on her journey, but she says it'll be too dangerous, with lots of evil Desians they'll have to kill.
If she doesn't want him to come, she probably shouldn't be persuading him to come. That's just common sense.
Lloyd wrote:DESIANS...
Nice going Colette, you've gone and set him off.
Better go get Dirk to punch him some more, or he'll never stop.
Lloyd wrote:Up till now, I always thought my mom died in an accident.
"She fell onto her own sword. Repeatedly."
Lloyd wrote:Now that I know the truth, there’s no way that I could keep living in a village that has a treaty with them.
It's starting to bug me how the "human ranch" part wasn't enough to set him off, and the "priest massacre/attempted murder of girlfriend" part also wasn't enough to set him off, but this revelation that they killed his mom years ago is what does.
Come on, Lloyd...other people matter, too! I think.
Colette wrote:…I understand.
Specifically, she understands that Lloyd can't be reasoned with.
Colette wrote:We’re leaving tomorrow at noon. So would you come to the village around then?
Wow, Colette, I thought you were a terrible liar! I guess she learns fast.
Lloyd wrote:Now I’ll be able to see you become an angel with my own eyes.
Colette wrote:…Hehe, yeah. (spoken without enthusiasm while looking in a different direction)
Never mind...

She quickly changes the subject.
Colette wrote:So Lord Remiel really is my father. I’m the child of an angel.
Lloyd wrote:Does it matter? Regardless of who your real father is, you’re still you. Nothing’s changed.
Jesus, Lloyd! She was just trying to feel good about herself, and you have to shut her down! I BET YOU'RE A HALF-ELF, TOO
Lloyd wrote:World regeneration, huh. It’s kind of exciting.
You have no idea...
Colette wrote:Yeah...releasing the seals, becoming an angel, then...

Lloyd wrote:Finally...?
Colette wrote:Um, nothing.
Please let this scene be over soon. I don't know how many terrible lies I can take.
Genis and Raine agree with me, and they leave the house they were spying from to ask whether the lovebirds are quite done yet.

And so Colette finally leaves.
Lloyd wrote:Yeah, see you tomorrow.
Colette wrote:Yeah…goodbye…
Lloyd waves goodbye to the group, who've teleported out of the house and onto the path. Elven magic is the best magic!

Lloyd starts working on the necklace, even though it's already late at night.
Finally, he announces "It's finished!"
And it's morning. He must have been working all night.
Fortunately, characters in this game don't get tired, so that's okay!

He runs outside to apologise to Dirk for "last night". He's either talking about the Desian craziness, or how he kept Dirk up all night by hammering metal out on an anvil.
But Dirk gives him a Key Crest! I guess Lloyd's skillful persuasion techniques paid off.
Dirk wrote:Dwarven Vow #2: Never abandon someone in need. I’m just going along with the teachings.
Let me just stop you right there before you hurt yourself.

"I want to do something dangerous and stupid, but I don't have enough guns :( "

Hey, look at that human ranch over there.

Enjoy your teachings, ya stupid fagits.
Lloyd wrote:Dad, I’m going on a journey.
He wants to be the very best, like no one ever was.
Lloyd wrote:I’m going to help Colette regenerate the world so that I can avenge my mom.
...And also to save the people that are suffering right now, right?
No? How about protecting Colette? You could make that your sub-goal, or something...
Maybe you shouldn't stand on your mom's grave when planning things like this. For all you know, her ghost could be floating around, whispering "That's right. Kill all those sons of bitches!" in your ear.
Although...considering his Exsphere...hmm.

Dirk gives his adopted son some things for his trip, like two Apple Gels!
Uh, Dirk? I don't know if that'll be enough if he wants to fight all the Desians. You should probably make it three.
Lloyd says goodbye, accompanied by the ever-present "FAMILY IS FAMILY" message played at maximum volume. No wonder Lloyd was so quick to say that back at Martel Temple.
Dirk wrote:Come back here any time you're tired.
That won't really be helpful when he's across the continent, but thanks anyway.
Dirk wrote:Lloyd! Don’t ever forget Dwarven Vow #7!
After a few fights alongside Genis and Colette, he certainly won't.
Lloyd wrote:“Goodness and love will always win”…right?
Or, uh, so I've heard.

In any case, Lloyd's finally ready to head out!
Lloyd wrote:Let’s go, Noishe! It’s time to regenerate the world!
Genis runs up. Hey, you're not Noishe!
Lloyd wrote:…Huh? What are you doing here?
Genis wrote:Lloyd! You’re still here?!
Lloyd wrote:(as if seeing Genis for the first time) Genis! Good timing.
Oh no, someone's mixed up the script again...
Genis wrote:Are you stupid or something?!
If you have to ask, then you are too, y'know.

Genis' outburst is because Colette left Iselia hours ago. BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE SHE COULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING
So he teleports and is at the village in two seconds. It must be true love.
Guard wrote:Lloyd, Phaidra was looking for you.
Lloyd wrote:Phaidra? Okay.

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Mon Jun 07, 2010 1:21 am

But first, a skit.
Genis wrote:Say, Lloyd, there's something I've been wondering about for a while...
For the entire time you've known him, apparently.
Genis wrote:How do you and Dirk sustain your livelihood?
Lloyd wrote:Livelihood?
Genis wrote:You know, how he makes money and stuff.
Ha. Although, I think I wouldn't have known what the word meant, either.
Turns out Dirk's a semi-famous craftsman of unspecified things. I bet that's what Lloyd wants to be when he grows up.

Lloyd and Genis rush to Colette's house to talk to Phaidra. Lloyd has trouble maneuvering around bystanders because he's in a hurry, dammit!
But first, a skit. Lloyd just can't understand why/how Colette lied to him, and he's shouting about it, but keeping his expression neutral. Stay frosty, Lloyd.
Genis tells him that she was acting "overly cheerful" as she was leaving, so he scrunches up his face as though he's thinking really hard.
Lloyd wrote:I bet...she's hiding something.
Lloyd's on the case! Nothing escapes him.
Watson Genis agrees that, yeah, Colette's probably hiding something.
Lloyd wrote:I bet Phaidra probably knows something.
Wait a minute...they're going to see Phaidra right now! What a coincidence!

They finally reach Colette's house. Obviously, it's the one that's covered in flowers.
Phaidra's waiting inside.
Lloyd wrote:Phaidra! Is it true that Colette already left?
This was all a huge prank on Genis' part! YOU GOT PUNK'D
Colette left a letter for Lloyd. I half expected it to be

Dear Lloyd,
I'm sorry.

But no. There were a couple of extra words in the actual version.
So Lloyd reads the letter, narrated by Collete's ghost, even though no one else is voiced for this scene.
Lloyd wrote:…What is this? This almost sounds like a will.
Frank wrote:Yes…you could call it that.
Is Colette's secret about to be revealed at last? If you ask me, by now the secret's so obvious that it's pretty much been revealed already.
Lloyd's here to talk to Phaidra, not you! Is your name Phaidra?

But he keeps talking like the jerk he is. Jerk.
Frank wrote:Lloyd, Genis. There is something we hid from you and everyone in the village. Colette…no, the Chosen…is already—
And Colette's dark secret was never heard from again.

So there are earthquake noises and the awesome crisis theme starts up.
Frank and Phaidra seem to be okay with this, because they don't leave their chairs.
Frank wrote:Are you all right? Here, let me heal you.
NOTHING'S EVEN HAPPENED YET-oh, free healing. Thanks, bro.

Lloyd and Genis rush outside and see Desians staring at a burning building. I guess they're the fire brigade.
Using his third eye, Lloyd sees Lord Plank-for-an-Arm enter the village through the main gate.
As he runs over, he's stopped by Desians, who are hanging out and discussing their mutual love of fire.
Lloyd wrote:I won't let you get away with this!!
Genis wrote:You're gonna regret this...
I think Genis' line is scarier, actually, for the same reason that Carl's scary. "I'm a 12-year-old, and you will die a painful death."

Elsewhere in town, two Desians are closing in on one of the guards. He's trying to retreat, even though he's got a pitchfork while the Desians are armed with whips. Whips really aren't very deadly weapons...
But the guard is an INFERIOR BEING so his reaction makes sense.
Then again, wooden swords aren't too deadly either, but Lloyd apparently kills the Desians with his. I guess if you don't have an Exsphere, it's NO USE!

Ooh, skit time.
Lloyd wrote:Damn Desian bastards!
I think that should be the game's title.
Lloyd continues with "Let's beat them up", and Genis replies, "Okay". This is the dumbest skit ever.

Genis' house is on fire! They're gonna regret this...
Instead of using ice magic to try and put out the fire, Genis does a sad monologue.
Genis wrote:And this village looked like it might finally be a place we could have called home…
Lloyd wrote:Huh? What did you say?
Genis wrote:N…nothing!

Lloyd and Genis reach the front gate, where they find some asshole in a dumb hat yelling like a douche.
Some fag wrote:Lloyd Irving! Come forth!
Just go and get him! Your shouting's too quiet to be heard anywhere else, anyway!
Lloyd runs up to the guy. Never mind, I guess it worked.
He shouts that he's HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!! Yeah, you better not get that mildly dangerous kid angry...OR ELSE!
The Desians get confused when Lloyd accuses them of attacking the village "again".
By now, there might actually be enough evidence for Detective Lloyd to realize that those ninja Desians from before were a completely different group. But that's not important right now because he's about to get owned.

The Mega Man wannabe with the hair finally introduces himself.
Forcystus wrote:Listen up, inferior beings!
"Heh. That means you, Lloyd." "Shut up, Genis!"
Forcystus wrote:I am Forcystus, one of the Five Desian Grand Cardinals. I am a superior half-elf who rules over the farm where we cultivate you pathetic humans.
Sounds like somebody needs to learn some communication skills! If you want humans to take you seriously, you can't just call them pathetic. Try "please" and "thank you" and "It's nothing".

Genis comes to a horrifying realization: THE DESIANS ARE HALF-ELVES!
I'm afraid Genis may be a dumbass, too.
Forcystus wrote:Lloyd! You, a human,
You know, in case he forgot what species he was.
So Lloyd's guilty of being stupid, the Desians are here to do fiery death at him, judgement payback UP3 etc etc. You know the drill.
Genis wrote:You violated the treaty, too! You tried to murder the Chosen!
The Desians all shrug at each other. Don't worry, guys, our heroes will figure it out eventually, I'm sure...

The douche in the hat thinks this is so funny, he starts vibrating.
Hatfag wrote:Us, kill the Chosen?
Hey, he's contradicting something important about the story!
If the Desians don't want to kill the Chosen, why are they known for being Chosen-killers? I guess I forgot...
Hatfag wrote:Hahaha! I see now. They must be after the Chosen.
They mostly come out at night.
Lloyd wrote:"They"? Are you saying you aren’t the ones that attacked Colette?
I kind of expected Lloyd to take half the game to figure that one out.

Fortunately, Forcystus and his magic arm are here to help us get back on track. How nice of him!
Forcystus and his Magic Arm wrote:The only thing that matters is that you, Lloyd Irving, have been in contact with host body F192 and attacked our guards.
Man, I bet they're letting Genis off the hook just because he's a half-elf he looks like a half-elf. You know, I think the Desians might be racist.
The mayor wants to join in the fun, so he runs in front of Lloyd and yells at him. Geez, he's about to be executed and everything! You really don't have to rub it in.

But the Desians have cooked up something more fun than public execution. Paying attention, Magnius?
A big green monster stomps into the village and goes straight for Lloyd.
Why's it ignoring all the potential targets around it? Maybe it just hates the color red.
It backhands Lloyd, who blocks with his arm. The attack wasn't strong enough to actually hurt him, but it did tear off the small piece of cloth on his hand. This reveals his Exsphere, which, predictably enough, lets out a blinding glimmer, making sure everyone notices it.
For some reason, the mayor hadn't moved from his yelling spot, and he gets scared and falls down. Ha.

Looks like it's time for a big fight!
Genis wrote:Lloyd, I'll help, too!
...I thought that was obvious.
You're not harboring traitorous thoughts, are you!? FOUL HALF-ELF PURE-BLOODED ELF

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Mon Jun 07, 2010 6:04 am

It's the first boss, Exbelua! AWESOME
Lloyd wrote:This is gonna be a piece of cake!
Wow. Now that's confidence.
Genis wrote:Come get some!
No! You want the boss to stay over there- oh, too late. Ouch.

Exbelua wails on the two of them for a while, and Lloyd has to use a bunch of Apple Gels.
Aww yeah! I mean, uh, that's unlucky.
Eventually it starts using non-backhand attacks, like INSANE CELL, which makes a bunch of darkness flow out of the ground. Great, now the ground has cancer.
The fight lasts for so long, Lloyd's TP gets Xs on it! Two of them!

Finally, Genis defeats the creature with a well-placed Aqua Edge.
Genis wrote:Keep working on it, okay?
Yeah, I'm sure Exbelua plans to hit the gym as soon as it's done here.
Unfortunately, Genis' victory pose is marred by Lloyd, who's half-dead and about to fall over. Move, Lloyd! You're messing up Genis' photo op!

Exbelua collapses. Now the Desians can start freaking out over Lloyd's Exsphere.
Forcystus wrote:…It must be the one from the Angelus Project that we’ve been searching for! Give it to me!
Holy shit. Forcystus sounds like he's starting to foam at the mouth.
But there's no way in hell Lloyd's going to give up his shiny.
Lloyd wrote:No! This is a memento of my mom’s, who you Desians murdered!
And he's going to make sure that every Desian in the world is held responsible! That's called JUSTICE!
Forcystus wrote:What are you talking about? Your mother was…
Exbelua randomly jumps Forcystus before he can reveal a major plot point. Dammit, that's the second time this has happened within ten mintues!
Marble's screwed-up voice wrote:Run…away…Genis, Lloyd…
Creepy voice. That should have been an attack.

Genis and Lloyd are horrified to discover that Marble got scurvy and turned into a cool monster.
Of course, she's still got Forcystus in a stranglehold, and the rest of the Desians are captivated by the dramatic story and have forgotten to try and free him.
I think there are going to be quite a few job openings at the human ranch pretty soon.
Marble wrote:Uh…ugh…guh…
Oh god I think she's gonna throw up
Marble wrote:Get away…hurry!…
Neither of them move, because they can't hear the speech if they run away! Duh.
Marble wrote:Genis…you were like a grandson to me. Thank you. Goodbye…
; ;

And then she used feelings. There was so much feelings, she exploded in an overly shiny fashion and became a magic ruby made of pure kindness. And also ruptured Forcystus' lungs.
Some Desian wrote:No! Protect Lord Forcystus!
Well, it's about damn time...
Forcystus is so bitter, he threatens Lloyd even though he's half-dead.
Forcystus wrote:…Lloyd. We will always come after you as long as you possess that Expshere. ALWAYS!
So Genis falls in a hole while Forcystus is carried away by his incompetent underlings, depressed because no one was paying attention to his cool threat.

Now that the Desians are out of the way, it's the mayor's time to shine!
Mayor wrote:What have you done?! Look! Look what happened to our village! It’s all your fault!
You personally burned down all of those buildings! You, Lloyd Irving, a human!
The camera cuts to some burning buildings to emphasize how horrible Lloyd is. So Lloyd apologised profusely!
Mayor wrote:You think you can fix this by apologizing?!
You think you can fix this by yelling at Lloyd?
Seriously! Look behind you! THE BUILDINGS ARE ON FIRE!! Can't somebody try to do something!?
No, it's much more productive for everyone to stare at Lloyd. That'll teach him a lesson for burning down all those buildings you're letting burn!

So the mayor heavily implies that Lloyd should make like a tree and get out of there, but Genis has a few issues with that.
Genis wrote:That’s not fair!
True. You were the first person to hang out at the ranch, after all.
Genis wrote:Lloyd didn’t do anything wrong! He just saved Marble…
...He did?
But the mayor refuses to abandon his "ranch = forbidden" position.
Genis wrote:So it’s okay to let people die at the human ranch as long as the village is safe?!

But the answer is basically "yes".
I can't really blame them, because they don't have the military force required to do anything about the ranch, but...
Stupid Fat Bitch wrote:The people at the ranch are just going to rot there, anyway.
...do you have to be dicks about it?
Genis wrote:You humans are all the same…
"Except for Lloyd. Oh, and Colette. And Marble. And..."

But Lloyd's noble or something, so he's willing to take the fall.
Lloyd wrote:…I’ll leave.
You know, when you're being exiled, you don't have a choice.
An evil human wrote:Mayor, surely you don’t have to be so strict on a child…
Another evil human wrote:What are you saying? Do you realize how many people died here because of him?!
...No, actually. We're never told.

Genis is also noble or something. It's like they're competing to see who can nobly sacrifice themself the hardest.
Genis wrote:It’s not Lloyd’s fault! I’m the one that took him to the ranch. So it’s my fault!
Wow, he actually came to the same conclusion that I did. Obviously this means I am a genius
But the mayor's determined to stay the course. He helpfully reminds Genis that the real problem is that it's not cool to have Desians storming the village all the time to try and kill one of its residents.
This is a good point, but the mayor has to be a dick so the audience will be allowed to hate him. So he gives us this:
Mayor wrote:And besides, Lloyd isn’t from this village to begin with. He’s an outsider, raised by a dwarf.
Bonus points for being slightly racist.

Genis is so mad, he's shaking, and he's holding his fist up threateningly at the mayor.
He should have just punched out the mayor, spat on him, and walked away. This would have been Game of the Year.
Instead, he says he wants to be exiled too, please.
The mayor's fine with that, of course. He's just handing out exiles like they're candy.
Mayor wrote:By the rights vested in me as mayor, I hereby announce the banishment of Lloyd and Genis from the village of Iselia. Get out!
All the villagers surrounding Lloyd make agressive clenched fists at him...including the lady who asked "surely you don’t have to be so strict on a child" from before!
"I changed my mind. Let's beat 'em to death if they don't move!"
...But then all the villagers leave, leaving Lloyd and Genis standing there. That's the crappiest law enforcement ever.

Phaidra, who had chosen not to stand up for Lloyd during the impromptu trial because she's old and has a bad back, suggests that Lloyd catch up to Colette and help her save the world.
Once he's a world famous hero, she says, they'll be begging to have him live there again.
...Even though he wasn't living there before.
Wait, how did Lloyd get exiled from a place he didn't live at?
Frank wrote:For I’m sure Colette would want that as well.
You're still here?

So Lloyd's going to go protect Colette and help her save the world and all that.
Lloyd wrote:…Yes. I will atone for what I’ve done. I swear to protect Colette for the sake of those who have died because of me.
I don't know...you may have forgotten, but the last time you tried to help someone, you ended up getting the whole village burned down.
Genis wrote:…I’ll follow you, Lloyd. It’s my fault that you were banished. So I promise to stick by you, always.
No! You should be in the back, not next to Lloyd! Do you like taking lots of damage? Is that it?

Lloyd suddenly remembers the Exsphere that Marble dropped, which Genis is holding onto.
Lloyd wrote:Why don’t you use that Exsphere? That’s Marble’s memento.
He says this in a spoooky voice.
Lloyd wrote:I'll explain to you on how to use the Key Crest...
Wait a minute, are they going to do a tutorial, in the burning ruins of Iselia, with the depression theme playing, narrated by sadface Lloyd!?
Lloyd wrote:...later.
Never mind. I'm a little dissapointed.
Lloyd wrote:After all, it looks like it’s going to be a long journey.
Then the camera pans up above the burning village, and the game's title appears.

Okay, not really.
Phaidra wrote:Don’t throw your lives away.
"Man, people are always telling me that! But I'll show them. I'll throw my life away whenever I feel like it!"
Frank wrote:May the Goddess Martel protect you.
May the Goddess Martel protect anybody!

And so Lloyd obtained the title of "Drifting Swordsman", which is impressive, yet almost never mentioned in-game.
Maybe that's what Lloyd thinks of himself. "I guess this makes me a badass drifting swordsman! Hell yeah! I feel so good, I'm going to accelerate the growth of my HP, strength, and defense!"

Genis and Lloyd the Drifting Swordsman set off on their journey, and immediately get lost and are attacked by wolves.
Then Lloyd finds out his bag has been left open, and things have been falling out of it without him noticing. Maybe if you ask nicely, the mayor will un-exile you.

One of the things that fell out of Lloyd's bag was a secret letter!
Lloyd wrote:It’s…a letter from Dad.
Genis wrote:From Dirk?
Who else do you think Lloyd would be talking about, Kratos?
Lloyd wrote:I wonder what’s written in it.
I bet it's got something secret written in it, because it was a secret letter. What could it be?
Dear Lloyd,

Did you read the Traveler’s Guide?
It has the seven most well-known Dwarven Vows
What makes you think Lloyd hasn't already memorized the most well-known ones?
as well as knowledge necessary for your journey written in it.
Are you implying that the Dwarven Vows aren't necessary knowledge!? PREPOSTEROUS
The rest of the letter is Dirk reminiscing about raising stupid baby Lloyd. Poor guy.

Wait! A postscript! Maybe there is something secret...
P.S. It’s not written in the Traveler’s Guide, so I’ll write here about how to use EX Gems.
...or it could be a tutorial.
Read about how to set EX Skills?
Read an explanation of EX Skill characteristics?
Read about Compound EX Skills?

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Tue Jun 08, 2010 12:05 am

Lloyd and Genis eventually stumble into a House of Salvation, which is like the 7-11 of Sylvarant.
Genis wrote:I don't think we're going to find Colette just by walking around.
But that's how most games work!
How hard can it be, anyway? They're only a few hours ahead of you...
Genis wrote:Let's try asking that person there.
You're standing right next to him!

So we get to hear Genis' completely pointless conversation with a random traveler. The traveler doesn't know anything, but that doesn't stop him from wasting like five text boxes telling us that.
But he does do something useful. He takes their map and uses it to unlock the ability to ride Noishe! Wait WHAT
Weirdo wrote:In each region of the world, there's something called a Guidepost Monument.
These are also known as, to use the technical term, rocks.
Weirdo wrote:When you find one, you'll be able to do what I did just now.
What exactly did you do!?
Weirdo wrote:If you want to have a pleasant journey, it'd probably be a good idea to seek them out.
I doubt Lloyd's journey could ever be called "pleasant", but thanks anyway.
Weirdo wrote:Would you like me to give you a lecture about traveling?

So they get the hell out of there, and soon find themselves in the desert.
They get jumped by venom-hocking snakes right away.
Lloyd wrote:I'm counting on you guys.
All one of them.
Although it almost sounds like it was changed to sound more like "guy". That doesn't really help much, to be honest.

It's been a while since the last skit, and the game is only too happy to provide.
Lloyd wrote:Urgh! Why is it so hot?!
Alternate answer:
WeatherQuestions.com wrote:Deserts are hot primarily because of the lack of water. When the sun shines on the ground, all of the absorbed sunlight goes into raising the ground's temperature. If there was moisture in the soil, much of this heat would go into evaporation of some of the water, pumping water vapor in the air, and keeping the soil cooler that it would otherwise be.
It's great to learn/'Cause knowledge is power!
Genis wrote:According to legend, somewhere in the area is a gate that leads to Efreet. The heat in this area is due to Efreet's influence.
Were you even listening?
Lloyd wrote:...Man, you know a lot of stuff!
Yeah, he knows a lot of PSEUDOSCIENCE AND SUPERSTITION! Jade would be ashamed of you.
Of course, this particular superstition turns out to be true, so I guess I shouldn't harp on it anymore...
And the moral of the story somehow becomes "Lloyd sleeps in class and is a dumbass". Kids, do well in school, or your hometown will be attacked by Desians!

The two of them arrive in the desert town of Triet, but stop suddenly as they're entering the main square.
Apparently, they've seen something bad, and they run for it. And then, for some reason, they turn back around and do this weird thing where they inch forward a step at a time. I don't get it.

The bad thing they saw was, of course, a pack of Desians. Sadly, the crisis theme doesn't start playing.
Random Desian #265 wrote:A human named Lloyd is on the run with an Exsphere.
Why'd he call Genis an Exsphere?
...Wait, no, never mind. I got it now.
Random Desian #265 wrote:His identification code is unknown.
His what?
How would knowing his "code" help them anyway? Are they going to shoot him in the face with a barcode scanner?
Random Desian #265 wrote:Form a cordon in all areas immediately.
Seriously, though, what the hell is a cordon?
Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary wrote:an ornamental cord or ribbon
Huh. I wouldn't have guessed the Desians were into arts & crafts. Maybe they're going to use it to seal the perimeter, or something.
Random Desian #582 wrote:What does this Lloyd look like?
"He's a human! They all look alike! That's why we use the ID codes."
Random Desian #265 wrote:His likeness and description are on the wanted posters.
The description is there in case the picture doesn't load.
Random Desian #265 wrote:We’re counting on you.
"Yes, you personally, Random Desian #582! SO GET MOVING!"

The Desians run off as though Genis set them on fire, except for the leader, who strolls over to a message board and puts up a wanted poster, which depicts a Lloyd-like object.
Lloyd wrote:Man…wanted posters and search parties.
There's only one wanted poster so far...
Lloyd wrote:They're really serious.
What, was "WE WILL ALWAYS COME AFTER YOU ALWAYS" not enough of a tip-off?
Oh, right, no one was paying attention to that part. My mistake.
Genis wrote:We need to hurry and find Colette.
Lloyd wrote:Hey, I thought we were looking for Colette to protect her… This is more like we’re looking for her to get help.
Good thing Colette's specialties are combat and being stealthy.
Well, Kratos is with her, so there's combat covered. But I doubt someone as dramatic as he is could stand being stealthy for more than a minute (see: Black☆Star).
Genis wrote:Does it really matter why we’re looking for her? You think too much when you don’t have to!
Lloyd's biggest problem is that he thinks too much.

As if to prove Genis' point, we're treated to a skit called "Why Do Desians Exist?" because Lloyd is now a philosopher.
Lloyd wrote:If it weren't for them, everybody would be able to live happy lives.
Naw, they'd come up with some excuse to kill each other within the week. Evil humans, remember?
Also, I really doubt Desians are the source of disease and all that...although that would explain the smell.
Genis wrote:I wonder...would everyone really be able to live happily?
Lloyd wrote:?
Genis wrote:Ah, sorry. That's right, Desians are the cause of everything that's wrong.
Lloyd wrote:Well, duh! Of course!
Oh wow. Genis just used sarcasm.
Genis gains 350 respect points

Lloyd and Genis explore the town, apparently not caring that there are Desians around.
...Why hasn't he examined the wanted poster yet!?
A kid wrote:I'm the guardian of the oasis.
Looks more like you're the mascot of the oasis to me.

They pay a visit to the HOUSE OF FORTUNE. I guess Lloyd gave up on asking people whether they've seen the Chosen, and plans to use fotune-telling to find her instead. Why's he the leader, again?
Magical Lady wrote:That will be 100 Gald.
Lloyd wrote:That’s expensive!
Magical Lady wrote:…Did you say something?
Lloyd wrote:Ah, n…no, I…
Lloyd's getting swindled. Maybe if you spent less time thinking and more time not being a dumbass, you wouldn't have these kinds of problems!
But since there totally aren't any other ways to find out where Colette went, Lloyd pays up. Why's he in charge of the money, again?

So the fortune-teller's all like "Yeah so my mystic powers are reminding me that one of the Chosen's group told me where they were going" and both Lloyd and Genis think about ellipses. Maybe they're wondering what Kratos would do in their situation.
You'd think the fortune-teller was a fraud, but she actually does have powers. She can read your party members' emotions and see what they think of you, which is a strange power, but it does have its uses.
I don't know why the party lets Lloyd get away with this, though. I don't think most people like it when their innermost secrets are revealed without their consent.

Now that Lloyd knows where Colette's group went (some destroyed oasis or something whatever), he's all set to leave.
Genis wrote:Hey, let's take a look at the wanted poster.
So they go look at it.
Genis wrote:Is this the wanted poster?
But...you just told Lloyd to go look...
...Never mind...
The poster's supposed to be such a bad depiction of Lloyd, no one will ever suspect it's him...but I think it's good enough, actually. When you're on the run, it doesn't help to be wearing a unique hairstyle and flashy outfit.
It looks like Lloyd's sneering in his mugshot. I wouldn't be surprised if Forcystus drew that himself.
Forcystus wrote:Stupid pathetic human...disrespecting me in front of everybody...ignoring my awesome threat...
"Ooh, look at me! I'm an inferior being who doesn't care about other people's feelings!"
Yeah, well, you look like a big stupid head! So there!
Now that his destiny has been fulfilled, Lloyd's finally allowed to leave town.
Random Desian #137 wrote:Wait!
Oh, what is it now-
And the crisis theme starts playing! Yay
The Desians, who've been mysteriously absent from town, suddenly reappear and recognize Lloyd from the wanted poster. It was the outfit. I told you.
Genis wrote:Good for you, Lloyd. They say you’re good looking.
Insulting Lloyd even with a gun pointed at his head. Genis is really on a roll today.

But enough of that. Now Lloyd has to actually do something. What'll it be?
Random Desian #137 wrote:You must be Lloyd!
Lloyd wrote:...Yeah, that's right.
You know, it's okay to lie sometimes. Don't let the Dwarven Vows lead you to your doom!
Genis wrote:Hey, what about your usual “Who are you to ask for my name” thing?
Maybe this is just how Genis acts when under pressure.
Random Desian #137 wrote:Heheh… I guess you can’t run away with a poster of your face everywhere!
I don't think that one poster can be "everywhere". Unless it's an omni-poster.

Lloyd's escape plan is to beat up the Desians, which is fine with me. It's worked pretty well in the past.
But these Desians are stronger! They can say "NO USE" in two completely different tones of voice!
Genis, taking a cue from Kratos, uses "Air Thrust", which is a ball of wind that engulfs the enemy. Thrusts can go wherever you want them to go! It's a free country!

But the Desians don't seem to like being torn apart by wind for some reason.
They launch a furious counter-offensive!
Genis wrote:Don't bother me!
Don't bother me!
Don't bother me!
Don't bother me!

Genis heeds my call. He's pretty pissed off, too, and uses the strongest attack he can think of:
THUNDER BLADE. A massive sword made of pure electricity descends from on high, preparing to split open the Desian's unworthy head.
And it misses completely. I GUESS IT WAS NO USE LOL

So Genis brained the Desian with his kendama and leveled up, ending the fight.
Lloyd's feelin' good. Nothing like a little murder to get the blood flowing.
Genis wrote:Lloyd, don’t let your guard down, or you’ll regret it.
Lloyd wrote:I’m not letting my guard down. It’s just that they were so pitiful…
I guess Lloyd's going to learn a valuable lesson about overconfidence later on.
"Later on" meaning "in three seconds", as a ball of electricity hits him in the back, causing him to collapse.
But hey, look on the bright side. If Lloyd finds one of those electric ball firing things, he'll be able to do that to his enemies, too.

Some random Desians show up and drag Lloyd off.
Genis wrote:I’m…scared! Please don’t hurt me…I’ll be good.
This, after all his confidence from before? I bet he's faking it. Heck, based on his previous behavior, he might even be using sarcasm again.
But the Desians take him, too, and they leave Triet, heading to their secret desert hideout.
They take Lloyd inside but apparently don't need Genis, even though he was killing Desians just a few minutes ago. Maybe the Desians, instead of dying, are just "whiting out", or something...
Also, if you didn't need him, why'd you take him with you, anyway?

So he gets left outside with two Desians who have their arms held out like they're traffic cops or something.
Genis wrote:…What’s going to happen to me? Lloyd forced me to come here. I didn’t want to. (Sniff) (Sob) …Waaaaaaah!
Genis is starting to get dangerously pro.
Random Desian #I don't care any more wrote:All right, all right! As a fellow kinsman, we’ll let you go. Now get out of here!
Yeah, this is another "lol half-elf" moment.
But the part I like most is how Genis gets away from his captors...by bothering them.
Desian wrote:Are you sure that’s all right?
Other Desian wrote:What can a kid do?
Heh. Nothing, I'm sure.

So Genis escapes.
Genis wrote:Thank you for freeing me! I’ll never forget this. Goodbye, mister.
"Goodbye, mister"? He's toying with them now.
Once he's away from the fortress, he meets up with Noishe.
Genis wrote:Noishe! You followed us! Okay, let’s save Lloyd together!
It's going to be just like Die Hard.
Also, I like how Noishe wasn't even a part of Genis' plan. He was going to storm the fortress by himself.

While Genis schemes outside ("We need guns. Lots of guns."), Lloyd's waking up in a cell to the soothing melody of the kickass Desian HQ theme.
Lloyd wrote:...Uh...ow!
Want to bet he's at full health anyway?
He hears some guards talking outside his cell...talking about HIM! *dramatic sound effect*
Overly Talkative Desian Guard wrote:He can’t possibly escape execution.
Lloyd wrote:…Execution?! What the hell?!
Poor Lloyd. He doesn't even know what "execution" means.
One of the guards gets called away by Lord Botta, who's probably off drowning somewhere and needs to be rescued, leaving only one guard in the room.

Lloyd the detective/philosopher quickly comes up with a cunning escape plan!
Lloyd wrote:They took my equipment, and I can’t open the door with the guard there.
...Isn't the door, uh, locked?
Lloyd wrote:The only thing I have on me is the Sorcerer’s Ring… If I can hit the guard with this…
...then he'll be stunned for a couple seconds. So?
Also, you'd better hope he isn't listening to you talk to yourself.

So Lloyd shoots the Desian with the Sorcerer's Ring!
Wait, no. He missed. He's got it now.
He missed again. I guess third time's the charm.
Another miss.
At this point, the Desian must be thinking, "There are strange lights flashing across my field of vision. I must need glasses."

Finally, Lloyd hits the Desian!
Except not. He misses again.
It takes Lloyd ELEVEN TRIES to hit the Desian. I'll bet the player was wishing that part of the recording would be accidentally deleted, but assured himself that no one would be crazy enough to watch him play through all of Tales of Symphonia.

...Oh yeah, the game.
Lloyd shoots the Desian with the Sorcerer's Ring.
Instead of turning blue like everything else is the game does, he yells "Owww!"
Then, intead of beating the crap out of the defenseless Lloyd, he runs away, leaving Lloyd to open the unlocked (!!!) cell door and escape!
Wow, Lloyd, your plan worked just as you expected! Also, it turns out you can twist reality because you're the main character! Good to know!

Lloyd opens the cells adjacent to his, too, freeing the prisoners inside: a Beast Hide, and a Memory Circle.
Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe the Memory Circle was arrested for glimmering too loudly and disturbing the peace. The Beast Hide is probably guilty of vehicular manslaughter.

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Tales of Tales of Symphonia Empty Re: Tales of Tales of Symphonia

Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Wed Jun 09, 2010 4:10 pm

Lloyd quickly retrieves his equipment from the Desians.
Of course his weapons, armor, accessories, items, books, etc. all fit inside a small box. But that box is still bigger than his pockets, which is where he usually keeps everything, so uh...

Upon leaving the cell block, he runs into a couple of Desian guards.
Desian wrote:Who the hell are you?
Uh, the prisoner you guys just captured? The one on the wanted posters? Ringing any bells?
Didn't you get the memo?

Lloyd takes them out pretty easily, but somehow sets off the alarm. Maybe the second one fell over onto a button when he died.
So he flees into a room occupied by a big complex machine. Call me an optimist, but I think there's a decent chance he won't mess with the controls and blow up the whole base.

He hears some guys running towards the room he's in, so he quickly hides amongst the delicate machinery. He might actually break the thing in under a minute!
Desians burst into the room, shouting:
Desian wrote:Where is he?! That kid in red disappeared!
They must have been watching him on a security camera or something.
Quite frankly, I'm surprised there are any security mechanisms in the base that don't suffer from some fatal flaw.
If it's as stupid as the locks on the cell doors, maybe the security camera is just a Desian looking through a hole in the wall.

The Desians search the room thoroughly by walking around it a little bit.
Desian wrote:That’s strange. How could we miss him when there’s only one passage?
He must have been moving so fast, he was incapable of being seen by the human Desian eye. It's the only possible explanation.
Meanwhile, Lloyd's walking around in his hiding spot, plainly visible.
After all, keeping still would be a bad idea. He might get a cramp!

After several intense seconds, the Desians give up on searching for Lloyd and turn to leave...but they've locked themselves out. Why am I not surprised?
Desian wrote:Oh, yeah. This room has a special mechanism.
I have no idea how they could have forgotten about this "special mechanism", because it's hard to forget about things that are this stupid.
The door opens when a sentry robot is placed over each of two blue panels on the ground, then shot with electricity. The Desians, of course, cheated by making the sentries hold still on the panels and spontaneously electrify themselves.
Lloyd, who's still "hiding", can't see what the Desians are doing, but one of them is nice enough to loudly describe everything he just did. Thanks, mister!
Desian wrote:Lord Botta sure likes to do things the hard way…
Awesome! Now I know exactly who to punish for setting up this whole godawful security system!

So the Desians leave through the unopenable door to go look for "that kid in red", who must have been able to open it while no one was looking.
Lloyd wrote:Red, red, red. Does my outfit stand out that much?

Lloyd prepares to bust the Desian's security system wide open! Go for it, Lloyd! You got this!
Lloyd wrote:Now, let’s see… I should take a closer look at that thing.
He goes to check out a nearby pedestal.
Although it's true that this is required to open the door, Lloyd doesn't know that, and is just looking at a random thing instead of the panels or sentries he actually needs to use. Hey, whatever works...

When Lloyd looks at the pedestal, it shoots beams of light into the Sorcerer's Ring on his hand.
This doesn't surprise him or anything, which is hardcore because if any normal person saw lasers flying at them, they'd probably yell really loud and fall over. Lloyd is retarded fearless!

Wait a minute...he stole that ring from Martel Temple!
Naw, I can't really blame him for that. That's just how video games are. Link's stolen so many powerful items from temples, he could build another temple out of them.
No, I'm more angry about the fact that there's a machine in the base here that's designed to work with an ancient relic found in a temple that's miles away. Now that's some serious backward compatibility.

The pedestal imbued the Sorcerer's Ring with ELECTRICITY. Oh god I almost started singing the electricity song I should call 911
Lloyd wrote:The fire changed into a ball of electricity.
I'm kind of surprised that he knows what electricity is.
No, not because it's Lloyd, but because I don't think they have it in Sylvarant.
A world without video games or the internet or phones or nothin'. No wonder Genis hung out around the human ranch.
Lloyd wrote:Maybe I can stop those weird machines with this.
As long as your aim is good enough! LOL
Lloyd wrote:I guess I should check out any weird devices like this.
Wait...which "this"? The Sorcerer's Ring?
Oh god I almost started singing the pronoun song. Fortunately that one sucks and I don't remember the lyrics to it. Haha I win

To unlock the door, you have to let the sentry robots pass over the floor panels, hopefully without them chasing you around, and then shoot them with electricity. If you hit, they'll be frozen in place for like, a minute, which is pretty lame if they're not on a floor panel when you shoot them.
Also I think it's a timed mission, because both of them need to be on the panels at the same time, and they unfreeze in like, a couple of seconds. In summary: gay

But our valiant uploader of gameplay footage, known only by the codename "JMIX0606", makes up for the aiming debacle from Part 11 by getting the door open in six seconds! ONE SHOT, ONE KILL ELECTRIFICATION
The unlocking of the door is heralded by multiple flashes of light and a victory chime. Because if you were like me and took ten minutes to get the door open, it really was an amazing victory.

So Lloyd heads out the now-unlocked door...the same route the guards took.
You might have to use more stealth, Lloyd, so try not to be so red.
...But first, a skit! Starring Lloyd Irving, and featuring a special guest appearance by Lloyd Irving!
Lloyd wrote:Just what kind of technology are they using in this building?
Based on what I've seen, I'd say it's the stupid kind.

Past the door was a hallway...and yes, it's packed with guards.
So Lloyd sprints down the hallway, dodging everyone at speeds incapable of being seen by the human eye.
The surprised Desians barely have enough time to raise their weapons threateningly before he's gone. Okay, that was kind of cool.
He flees into a room that looks like it's used to launch the airship. I mean, some sort of vehicle. Maybe one that flies.
There's a Beast Fang in the room. It takes an entire treasure chest to hold it, because it's just that valuable.
They use it in the dock room here to, uh...

Lloyd also sees a vending machine for the first time, and quickly figures out how to operate it. He's practically a citizen of the future already!
He buys something from it, probably Gatorade. Lloyd strikes me as a Gatorade type of person.
Then he leaves the room and gets jumped by the Desians he ran past earlier. Whoops.
But this is gonna be a pizza cake for Lloyd because he's got two swords, and there are two Desians, and Lloyd can't do math, so the answer is 48 experience points.
Also, at one point he knocked them both down with Beast and had to wait for them to get up before he could keep attacking.
Lloyd is a firm believer in fair play! And performance-enhancing drugs souls rocks.

He finds a Memory Gem on the fallen Desians, which lets him use a sealed Memory Circle.
The Desian was carrying it in case he had to save his game, so I guess he's loading his save file now.
And the Memory Circle's locked because the Desians hate that glimmer noise it makes. That's why they had to put one in prison, too.
Maybe one day the Memory Circles will revolt. They'll start saving while the Gamecube's power is being turned off.

But Lloyd doesn't know any of that.
Lloyd wrote:What's this thing? I guess I'll take it with me.
That's the spirit! But why didn't you say that about the Beast Fang you just got?
Oh, right, because it's a tooth. It's obvious what that is. The real question is why he took it in the first place.

And then, another one-man skit: "Feels Different". What, did Lloyd just hit puberty?
Lloyd wrote:Phew...man, it's tough on my own.
One fight, and he's wiped out. He really does have ADD.
Lloyd wrote:But for some reason, these Desians seem kinda different from the ones that attacked Iselia.
Oh, now Detective Lloyd's figuring-
Wait a minute! Those two statements are unrelated!
"It's tough...but these Desians are different!"

Lloyd reaches a giant room. Funny how the halls are packed with Desians and robots, but big, important rooms like this one are completely unprotected.
Lloyd wrote:Doors in this room are locked too.
says Lloyd, having only just entered the room. What, do the doors look locked to you?
Read an explanation of Memory Gems and Sealed Memory Circles?
NO Yeah, sure! Here it is: Use gem to unlock circle.
I wonder how many text boxes the game wasted explaining that.

Lloyd heads over to the control panel, which explains how to operate the Gamecube in the middle of the room.
IMHO, the Desians should have used a PS2 instead. You can't play Kingdom Hearts on the Gamecube, now can you?
To Lloyd's horror, the instructions are impossible to understand! Just look:
Gamecube controls wrote:This floor makes use of the Cycle Lock System.
Aaaaand I'm bored.
Fortunately Lloyd understands enough of it to figure out how to work the needlessly complicated lock.
Y'know, I think someone should teach the Desians about the magic artifacts known as KEYS.
See, this is what happens when you don't play enough Kingdom Hearts!

So, uh, Lloyd does some science.
Lloyd wrote:I guess I just need to hit those pole things over there with something called electrical energy.
What the hell!? I thought you knew what electricity was!
Maybe he thinks electricity and electrical energy are two completely different things. LLOYD YOU DUMBASS

Lloyd shoots one of the "pole things", and the Gamecube starts going berserk, expanding and shrinking and changing shape...
...Did that actually happen in the game? I thought it just rotated a bit!
Is this some special "berserk Gamecube" version?

Lloyd, as always, is telling the player what to do by saying things like "I wonder if I'm supposed to MATCH THE COLORS ON THE INSIDE OF THE CIRCLE BY USING THE POLES TO ROTATE THE INSIDE BY SPECIFIED ANGLES."
But I can't focus on anything besides the Gamecube from hell. It never stops moving aaahhhhh

He escapes the room into the next hall, but is shocked to discover what awaits him: A DESIAN!!
Oh, come on, Lloyd...
Desian wrote:Hey, you! What are you doing here?!
You should tell him you're here to fix their Gamecube. He'll believe you, all right.
Instead, Lloyd runs away. He'd have fought back, but that one fight he did was really hard, man! Did you see that bullshit? There were two of 'em!

Lloyd ducks into a side room. His pursuer sees him, but he's not allowed to go into rooms, so he gives up. The kid was out of his aggro radius anyway, he grumbles to himself.
In an attempt to take the enemy by surprise...or something...Lloyd walks into the room backwards so that he can't see who's inside it.
Spoiler: There is a person inside the room.
Additional Spoiler: The person is not Lloyd.
Yuan wrote:And just who the hell are you?
Fun fact: Yuan stole that line from one of the Desian guards, who used it back when Lloyd was escaping from his cell. But Yuan does it better so I guess that's okay!

Lloyd's so surprised, his scarf starts to clip through his arm.
Yuan, who also has ADD, gets bored because Lloyd didn't answer his question within three seconds, and starts charging his hand with that weird "electrical energy" stuff.
Meanwhile, Lloyd stands very still and stares at Yuan's shiny hand, his mouth open. It looks like he might be trying to catch the spell in his mouth, but he's really just thinking of a comeback.

And finally, he has one!
But first he has to shrug. You know, to look extra dramatic.

Tales of Tales of Symphonia 33bzfo0

Lloyd wrote:Give me your name, and I shall give you mine!
I think the "shall" was a little too old-timey. Otherwise, good. (B+)
Yuan wrote:Hahaha! You certainly have guts.
Yuan wrote:But I’m afraid I don’t see the need to introduce myself to a miserable little creature like you.
Uh oh, Lloyd, Yuan for it now!
Of course Yuan's still charging his spell. That sound is getting annoying...
Lloyd wrote:What a coincidence, cause I don’t see a need to introduce myself either to a moron who doesn’t realize how pathetic he is.
I don't know about this taunt. It lacks pizzazz. (C)
Yuan wrote:Why you little!…
It makes Yuan mad, though, so mission accomplished.
But now Yuan's so mad, he's going to hurt you in a way he hasn't even come up with yet! Also, he's still charging his spell.
Lloyd gets ready to block with his arm again, and since that worked pretty well in the last cutscene he tried it in, why not? That, or he's giving Yuan the finger.

But actually, Lloyd was firing an invisible paralysis beam from his Exsphere!
Yuan is frozen in place, spell finally cancelled after charging for a full minute. If he'd used it, he'd have taken out half the base. Lloyd still would have blocked it with his arm, though.
Yuan wrote:An Exsphere! You're...Lloyd?!
"Yeah, but who are Yuan to ask for my name?" hahaha im the best

Yuan starts invading Lloyd's personal space.
Yuan wrote:Hmm, I see the resemblance.
"You look like a dumbass."
Suddenly, Yuan looks up at the ceiling. Then an alarm goes off. Again with the scripts being out of order...
Lloyd decides to draw his sword at the very moment the alarm turns off and Yuan is done being distracted.
Although it's more likely that Lloyd was actually waiting for Yuan to be paying attention to him again. Fair play and all that.

Lloyd's expression changes aggressively and Yuan takes a step three feet backwards.
They're ready for a big fight. Please don't start charging again, Yuan...
But they get interrupted by Botta and his posse. Botta looks at Lloyd and goes "'sup" before delivering his report.
Botta wrote:Sir! We’ve received reports that the Chosen’s group has infiltrated the facility!
Intruders? Are you serious!?
Turns out Lloyd hates being ignored. What a surprise.
Lloyd wrote:You…you’re the Desian that attacked Iselia!
Botta wrote:So you’re Lloyd! Now this is amusing!
...No one knew who Lloyd was this whole time? How?
Yuan wrote:Botta! I’m leaving for now. Our plans will be ruined if he sees me.
Botta wrote:What of the Chosen?
Yuan wrote:I’ll leave that to you.
Botta wrote:Understood.
Lloyd wrote:They're ignoring me again ;_;
I bet Botta's going to invite everybody to a party! Not a pool party, though, that's for sure.
Yuan wrote:Lloyd.
"Huh? Uh, I wasn't really paying attention..."
Yuan wrote:The next time we meet, you’re mine. Just you wait.
I hope Yuan likes getting gangbeat by four people.

Botta closes in on Lloyd, who backs away.
Come on, Lloyd! Yuan's spell of electric death didn't intimidate you, but a man with large hair does!?
And then Colette and her group walk in, accompanied by Genis. I swear, this base is the least secure place I have ever seen.
Genis wrote:Lloyd! Are you okay?
Colette wrote:Are you all right? Are you hurt?
Have you sustained injuries? Is anything wrong? How many fingers am I holding up?
Kratos wrote:He looks fine.
Normally I'd complain about that voice, but this time it was used to make the idiots shut up. Kratos is actually using his powers for good!
Lloyd wrote:You guys all came for me?
Well, Colette did. Maybe Genis.

But before they can answer Lloyd's question and get him to cry, Botta has an announcement to make, and it's not "HEY, I'M STILL IN THE ROOM, GUYS".
Botta wrote:Perfect timing. I’ll take care of everyone at once!
Great! I'd like the steak, please. Medium rare.

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Tales of Tales of Symphonia Empty Re: Tales of Tales of Symphonia

Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Sun Jun 13, 2010 4:51 am

"Vs Botta & Discussion"? How are they supposed to fight a discussion?
I guess we're about to find out.
Botta wrote:Ready for a real fight?
"Well, a real virtual fight."
Lloyd wrote:Okay, let's do the usual!
"Run around and attack a lot!"

Man, Botta is really overconfident. He spins his sword over his head for a while before his regular attacks!
That's a mistake because Genis is using a lot of crazy spells that he seems to have learned during the last five minutes. "Earth Bite"? Excuse me?
I think that might have been part of his plan for rescuing Lloyd. "Step 1: Become best mage ever"

Botta thinks this is retarded, and starts to glow...with darkness!
Just in time for Genis to use Ground Dasher on him. Ha.
"FOOLS! Over Limit means I do not flinch when hit with your pitiful artes! HAVE AT THEE"
His sword clashes harmlessly against Lloyd's.
So he starts using his SPECIAL ATTACK!
"Rock Breaker". Oh COME ON
Anyone can learn that in a second off an HM! Botta, you suck!

Botta gets gangbeat by four people. He tries to block this, with predictable results.
Botta wrote:I...underestimated...your power...
You're up against an angel, an overpowered mage, and a psychotic teenager. And also Colette. What did you expect?

Of course, Kratos always has to land the final blow in a dramatic way, or he'll throw a tantrum.
He slashes at Botta dramatically, flashing with violent light!

Botta glares at him.
Botta wrote:Ugh...I underestimated your abilities.
We heard you the first time.
He throws (drops?) his sword on the ground angrily. Damn, Botta, don't be a sore loser.
Then, while everyone stares at him, he flees the room through an automatic door, somehow making no sound at all. I guess he can move silently because he's a ninja.

Everyone stands still and thinks quietly about what just happened.
Finally, Raine breaks the silence by demonstrating that classic video game behavior: looting.
She picks up Botta's sword.
Raine wrote:Isn't this a...
Look, you may be a healer, but there's no way you don't know what a sword is. Even if Botta's does look extra stupid.
Lloyd wrote:Professor!
"That could be a bomb! WATCH OUT"
Raine wrote:Ah, Lloyd. Genis told me what happened.
"Although I had to use the 'board of education' before he'd talk."
Her head slooowly turns in Genis' direction as though she's half-possessed. Poor Genis.
Raine wrote:I apologize for the trouble he’s caused you.
"Now he won't trouble anyone ever again."

But before everyone can start apologizing to each other:
Kratos wrote:Save the chitchat for later.
Wait, no, he's right. Never mind. Using his powers for good again, I see.
Raine wrote:You’re right. I opened the escape route just now. Let’s go.
She was screwing with some control panel somewhere while the rest of the group was fighting Botta.
The fact that she can work the unknown Desian technology will be dismissed as "Raine uses brain thinkings".

Everyone escapes the fortress without any trouble.
Yuan really needs to invest in a better security system, which shouldn't be too costly- I'm thinking a big sign reading "Do Not Enter" would have been more effective.
Lloyd wrote:Noishe! You came, too?
It's like a big surprise party, only with kidnapping!
Noishe wrote:*Whine*
Oh, get over it.
Raine wrote:I have a question.
Yeah, I don't know why he's in the front, either.
Wait, you meant something else. Never mind.
Raine wrote:This crystalline object attached to this weapon…
The weapon you're not even holding right now?
I guess she's...carrying it?
It's half as big as she is...

She asks Lloyd if the crystal's an Exsphere.
Lloyd wrote:Y-
Kratos wrote:It would appear so.
Lloyd wrote:; ;

Oh yeah, you use an Exsphere, too.
Kratos wrote:...So you noticed.
How could he not have noticed!? Those tend to sparkle really dramatically, you know.
Lloyd wrote:Well, duh!
Raine wrote:What are they, exactly?
Kratos wrote:It will take a while to explain. We can talk about it when we reach Triet.
I smell an impending tutorial...
Lloyd wrote:Yeah. Okay, Noishe! Let’s go back now!
"This is me being the leader!"
Noishe wrote:*Howl*
Is Noishe becoming a werewolf?
Maybe he's just complaining about Lloyd's last comment, too.

The group prepares to head back to Triet...but on the way, Lloyd is ambushed by a horrible monster!
Kratos wrote:LLOYD
Lloyd wrote:What!?
Kratos wrote:You're improving.
Lloyd wrote:Oh.
...Wait, what?
Lloyd wrote:AAAHHHHHH
Lloyd wrote:Yeah...the snakes we fought before used-
Lloyd wrote:OKAY OKAY I GET IT
Kratos wrote:Alright cool.
For some reason, the group wasn't attacked by anything on the way back.

After some walking, they reach Triet. Genis says he's tired, so everyone runs straight to the inn and collapses on the beds without paying for a room or anything.
Kratos explains what an Exsphere is to Raine off-screen. That was close.
Raine wrote:…In other words, these Exspheres are amplifiers that awaken our dormant capabilities.

heart heart heart
I wonder if I could use one, too?! heart
Violence is Raine's favorite thing! Well, second favorite, anyway.
Unfortunately, her "dormant capabilities" are mostly healing artes.
Better luck next time, Raine. You'll learn Photon soon enough.

But Kratos is being a killjoy as always, telling her that if she tried to use it without a Key Crest, she'd "get sick" and "die horribly". C'mon, Kratos, where's your sense of adventure?
Colette wrote:Um…can’t we make a Key Crest?
Meaning, of course, that her manbitch can make one.
Kratos wrote:As I told you before, a Key Crest is made by processing inhibitor ore,
Now look what you've done, Colette! He'll be at this all night!

The gist of it is that even Lloyd can't process the ore needed to make a Key Crest.
Raine looks through her "valuable research materials", which appear to be rocks and an old Burger King crown, to see if there's any super special ore among them.
Genis is understandably pissed that she was carrying that stuff around the whole time. Their bag space isn't unlimited, you know!
Raine wrote:This is a holy vase from the Balacruf Mausoleum.
I don't think anything associated with the word "Balacruf" can be considered holy.

Lloyd complains that it's all junk, even though it includes jewels and gold. I guess that says something about the real value of things, and that money can't buy happiness.
Wait, no. Lloyd's just a dumbass.

Raine shoots steam out of her head, but before she can claim her first victim, Kratos notices an incredibly shiny, obviously important gem among the "junk".
Raine wrote:Ah, I picked that up in front of the human ranch. It was engraved with angelic language, so I took it home.
Lloyd wrote:Professor! This is a Key Crest!
Tales of Tales of Symphonia 1y2vbs If only Lloyd had killed some Desians recently! Then he could have taken one of their Key Crests.
Lloyd didn't even notice that Key Crest falling off the Desian he killed.
But Raine has it now, so it all worked out in the end! Yaaay

The charm's worn off though, so Lloyd has to fix it.
He'll be up all night doing that! That's a bad idea, seeing as how he needs to rest for the upcoming journey-
Wait. No he doesn't. Never mind.
Raine thanks him. Y'know, I think this is a good example of the misuse of Dwarven Vow #2 I mentioned earlier.
The one about not having enough guns.

Lloyd finishes the crest during a scene transition, and announces "I'LL GO GIVE IT TO THE PROFESSOR" to himself.
Kratos looks on, probably thinking something along the lines of "I didn't think Anna drank too much during the pregnancy..."
First, Lloyd visits Colette's room, which he identifies for us by saying "THIS IS COLETTE'S ROOM" to himself. Offscreen, Kratos sighs.

Colette sleeps fully dressed and on top of her bedsheets like a pro. You can tell she's asleep because of the speech bubble over her head with a bunch of Zs in it.
Lloyd wrote:Are you asleep?
Offscreen, Kratos facepalms.
Lloyd starts to leave the room. What, you're not going to wait for her answer? Jerk.
But he's stopped by Colette calling his name. Hopefully this is just her waking up and noticing him, as opposed to a wet dream.

Whew! It was the first one. Colette wants to apologize OH NOT AGAIN
This time she's apologizing for Lloyd getting exiled from his not-actually-but-kinda-hometown.
Of course, it isn't really Colette's fault, and Lloyd tells her this, adding that he did get the village burned down.
This annoys Colette, and to make herself feel better she jumps out of bed and gives a dramatic speech about how she's going to regenerate the world real good. FOR MARBLE!
Lloyd wrote:Yeah…I’m sorry I woke you.
No, you weren't invited. Sorry

They stare at each other awkwardly for a few seconds before Lloyd leaves.
Once she's by herself, Colette says that she's going to do her best for Lloyd, too. Although, since he lives in the world, that was kind of a given.

Next, Lloyd goes to wake up Genis and Raine-
Wait, that's all of Part 13?

Well, uh...okay.

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Post by Sophie on Mon Jun 14, 2010 9:27 pm

Hehe, can't wait to see what happens at the Triet Ruins.

Has Hell Frozen over yet? Random Halo Player: Dammit Suicide!!
(Kohaku "loves" you, but Haku-men "hates" you)

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:20 pm

Thanks, but it's worth pointing out that there might not be updates here for a little while due to E3.
But I still do not intend to give up

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Fri Jun 18, 2010 2:41 am

Lloyd kicks down the door to Genis and Raine's room.
Raine's awake, looking at some book like a huge nerd.
Raine wrote:I’ve been organizing the data we’ve collected about monsters.
"Monsters" being a category which includes birds, snakes, Desians, and Kratos.

Lloyd tells her he was working on the Key Crest. She thanks him, but reminds him not to overexert himself. He needs his sleep...or something.
Raine wrote:It’s going to be a long journey, after all. I don’t mind if it takes a while to fix.
Lloyd wrote:…So are you saying that it’s okay for Genis and me to come along on this journey?
No, Lloyd, you're going to have to live in Triet from now on. Maybe you can be guardian of the oasis someday!

Raine calls him out because it's obvious he's with the group for good.
But Lloyd remembers something important: The reason he went in the room to begin with. GOOD JOB LLOYD
He gives her the completed Key Crest. So much for not overexerting himself lol
But she's surprised that he'd finished it in one night. I guess she forgot about his other sole redeeming quality.
Raine wrote:So this is an Exsphere!
...You knew that already.

Lloyd really doesn't want to give a tutorial, so he tells her to ask Genis about how to use it.
And then:
Lloyd wrote:Professor, I’m sorry.
Oh, not more apologies...
This is even worse than "It's nothing"! Official catchphase change, coming right up.
Raine wrote:About what?
Actually, he's sorry about getting Genis banished and all that, even though that kinda was Genis' fault to begin with.
He should just go back to believing that everything's the Desians' fault. Problem solved!
Raine wrote:Do you regret what you've done?
Well, he's apologising for it, so I'd say yes.
Otherwise, he'd be apologising for no reason. That can't be right!

Lloyd's real answer is:
Lloyd wrote:I don’t know. I just couldn’t ignore someone suffering right before my eyes…
Besides the unnamed slaves. Or the Desians. But that goes without saying.

Raine gives him a pep talk about how there's no point getting all down about stuff that's in the past. She should be a councelor for RPG characters.
Raine wrote:But you can change what’s going to happen…change yourself as well as the world around you.
Kratos might disagree with you there.
I believe he mentioned something about fate. Specifically, not being able to oppose it.
I might be remembering wrong, though. He only said it A MILLION BILLION TIMES

Lloyd doesn't like this response because he was all set to atone for his horrible sin, so he leaves Raine and goes over to annoy Genis, who's asleep.
Lloyd wrote:That's some impressive snoring.
"Are you asleep!?"
Genis wrote:Lloyd...
Please don't tell me Genis is having a wet dream now.
Lloyd wrote:Hmm? Is he talking in his sleep?
"Are you asleep!?!?"
Genis wrote:Best friends…forever…
Genis' BFF Lloyd is so embarrassed, he thinks about diagonal lines.
Raine wrote:He is really attached to you.
Yes that's what "best friends forever" tends to imply thank you

Having exhausted his dialogue options, Lloyd heads out.
Raine wrote:Heheheheheh! So this is an Exsphere! MARVELOUS!!
Oh god I was only kidding about the bloodshed what is this

On the way back to his room, he sees Kratos leave the inn.
Lloyd wrote:Where’s he going at this hour?
Probably to drown himself after hearing all the things you've been saying.
Lloyd wrote:Let's follow him.
"Let's" refers to Lloyd and the player, of course.

Kratos has gone outside to visit Noishe, apparently.
Lloyd wrote:!
...It isn't really that surprising, is it?
Lloyd walks up behind Kratos, but forgets about the mercenary's magical sensing powers.
So Kratos draws his sword and almost takes Lloyd's head off causes 100 or so damage.
Kratos wrote:Lloyd.
Kratos is still holding his sword to Lloyd's neck, probably in case he tries to apologise about something.

He eventually clips his sword through his scabbard sheathes his sword.
Kratos wrote:I'm sorry to have startled you.
Oh, it was Kratos' turn to apologise. I see.
Lloyd wrote:"Startled" isn’t the word for it!
Now he's going to have to change into another one of his identical outfits.
Kratos wrote:You’d best not stand behind me.
Especially after some Cabbage Rolls.
Wait, no, he meant because of the sword thing. My bad
Lloyd wrote:Do you like animals?
Yeah, Kratos seems like the kind of guy who loves puppies and kitties.
Realizing that his badass mercenary cred is in jeopardy, he responds appropriately with "no".
Lloyd wrote:…Well, Noishe seems to be quite com-for-ta-ble with you.
Please don't try to use big words, Lloyd. That sounded painful.
Lloyd wrote:He usually doesn’t like strangers.
That's because *spoiler*!!
Kratos wrote:I once had a pet, long ago.
I guess his form from 200 years ago was an animal person.

Kratos stares at Lloyd for a while, which makes Lloyd start sweating a lot.
Lloyd wrote:Wh…what? What are you staring at me like that for?
Don't worry, this is just the closest he can come to showing affection.

Another important part of Kratos' attempt to show he cares is criticism.
Kratos wrote:…Your swordsmanship is unrefined. You should focus a little more on eliminating your vulnerabilities.

"Because staring at you just randomly reminded me of how much you suck!"
Kratos goes back inside, leaving Lloyd outside to rage. I think he just got trolled.

The next morning, Lloyd oversleeps because he overexerted himself the night before. Ha.
Everyone (besides Colette of course) is mad at him, even though no one thought to go wake him up. Good work, team!
Kratos wrote:We can finally head out to release the seal.
lol Kratos

Lloyd's pumped about looking at the Seal of Fire, because he doesn't know how stupid it is yet.
Somehow this reminds Raine to give Lloyd all her scientific data. Uh
Lloyd wrote:I…I’m going to do it?
Even Lloyd thinks this is a bad idea!
Raine wrote:Just think of it as homework.
You're saying he should make Genis do it? Good idea!
Raine joined the party.
It can't be much of a party if his teacher's been invited, too.

They shortly arrive at the Triet Ruins.
Lloyd is exhausted after the thirty seconds it took to walk there. Fortunately this doesn't affect his ability to fight, because Kratos senses a pair of balls, which attack.

These are fire elementals, and Raine runs forward and tries to beat them to death with a stick. Oh god
The elementals start charging magic. Genis automatically knows they've locked onto him, and says
Genis wrote:Take me on with magic?
If he can read their attacks that well, using magic on him does indeed sound like a bad idea.
Another clue is that he's using the same taunt as Malygos the Spellweaver, Lord of Magic...who, ironically, is voiced by Kratos. You just can't beat him.

So Kratos, as always, lands the final blow, and turns his back on the screen in a very Akuma-esque way.
Kratos wrote:This is going to be a nuisance.
The noises Raine makes when she attacks, I assume. They were frightening and annoying.
Lloyd wrote:What is?
Kratos wrote:Ah, nothing.
"It's nothing" fights back to regain its position as the official ToS catchphrase! This is getting interesting.
Kratos wrote:Ah, nothing. Anyway, it would be a good idea for you to learn
techniques to protect yourself.
"You mean that 'blocking' thing, right? I pretty much have that down already. It's kinda boring, though."

But Kratos is actually talking about shooting force fields out of yourself, which is slightly more complicated.
Lloyd wrote:Okay! I don’t really get it, but I already feel stronger!
How hard could it be to press down on the control stick!?
Lloyd wrote:I can’t wait to try it out!
You're saying you can't wait to get hit with fireballs?
Maybe he hasn't realized that Kratos just taught him a defensive move. He's going to be pissed.

Raine's wondering what happened to Noishe. Kratos, who is of course the expert on Noishe because *spoiler*, explains that he runs away when he sees someplace that could potentially have monsters in it, except for the worldmap.
Lloyd's annoyed, either because he wanted to explain that, or because he'd forgotten the explanation that he himself gave.

They all walk up to the biggest pile of bricks in the area, assuming it to be important.
Colette wrote:Say, is this the seal? It has my family’s crest on it…

Raine offers her expert opinion on the ruins.
Raine wrote:heartheartheartheartheart
Maybe they should take that Exsphere away from her before someone gets hurt...
Raine wrote:Look at this slab covering the entrance!! It’s clearly of a different composition than the surrounding stone!
Well, uh, even I can see that...but why does it
Raine wrote:Hahahaha! It’s just as I thought!
She kneels down to get closer to the amazing slab. I half expected her to start making out with it.
Raine wrote:Oh, feel the smooth surface!
Let's not.
Kratos wrote:…Is she always like this?
At first I thought it was a bit mean-even for Kratos-to say that when he's only about an inch away from her.
But, of course, she can't hear anything when she's posessed by the spirit of Indiana Jones' evil twin, or whatever the hell is going on.
Lloyd wrote:...Is she?
Genis wrote:…I’ve been trying so hard to hide it, too.
Raine obtained the title of UNSTOPPABLE KILLING MACHINE "Archeological Mania."
Raine uses the powers of darkness to translate two words, revealing that placing Colette's hand on the nearby pedestal will open the door.
Yep, she goes crazy over the door itself, but not the fact that the ancient people had fingerprint scanning technology.

Colette does the thing and the door opens with the standard stone door opening noise followed by crash.
Colette wrote:It opened! Wow! I guess I’m really the Chosen after all!
To think, I used to hate Colette. I was an idiot.
Genis wrote:Yes, I think we all know that already.
I love it when the characters do my job for me.
Text doesn't show it, but Genis' sarcasm level is completely off the scale.
Lloyd wrote:Okay! Now it’s getting exciting!
From his tone of voice, I'm surprised he's not jumping up and down in this scene.

Looks like there's time for just one more thing: A skit ("Journey to Save the World")!
Starring Kratos this time! HOORAY
Kratos says that their group doesn't look like one that's out to save the world.
But I have to disagree. Their outfits and hairstyles suggest otherwise.

...Turns out Kratos was just complaining about Lloyd and Genis' youth, and how children cannot handle the burden of saving the world! Even though that's what happens in almost every RPG ever. Also, Colette counts as a child.
Really, he's just spoiled from flying around with his buddy The Hero Mithos and his prettyful angel squadron. Suck it up Kratos

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Post by Kallen Kozuki on Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:47 am

This is hilarious I love it.

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Post by SHSL Gang Leader on Fri Jun 18, 2010 5:53 pm

Raine, who seems to have taken the lead for this part, runs into the temple and attacks a random bird that's just flying around in the middle of the hall. Yep, she's still crazy.

The bird was actually two phoenixes Fire Birds and an elemental in disguise. That's a clever trick, pretending to be a regular bird but then turning out to be a fire bird!
Although you'd expect most of the enemies in the fire temple to be made of fire anyway, so it isn't that much of a surprise. Better luck next time, bird.

The monsters attack the party!
Raine wrote:FUTILE
Oh god
The fight is soon over, but there are even more monsters just around the corner!
Raine wrote:Let's begin the research!
...But I doubt they're going to last very long.
Looks like Raine's pretty good at crushing balls.

Shortly afterwards, Raine finds a treasure chest buried under some rocks.
She uses the Sorcerer's Ring to blast away the debris. That tiny fireball is a lot stronger than it looks.
Although it almost looked like those rocks could have just been pushed away.
However it is important to always do things in the most dramatic way possible! So sayeth Kratos

The party comes across an unlit torch in the wall. Lloyd stares at it for a while.
Lloyd wrote:Hey, there's a torch.
Raine wrote:Hmm, there was once a city here that was destroyed by Efreet's hellfire.
Because torch = civilization. Never mind all these intricately designed hallways, it's torches that are most valuable to archaeologists!
Raine wrote:...Try lighting it with fire.

Raine gets impatient and lights it herself.
Lloyd wrote:Wow! The floor moved!
Because Raine knew that the ancients lit and extinguished torches to raise and lower platforms instead of some other method that might make sense.
Raine wrote:Interesting...This location must be connected with Efreet.
Because Raine knew that a magic platform torch means Efreet is
...I give up

Lloyd says "Okay" until Raine shuts up, and then heads off to set everything on fire.
They do some standard block pushing. I wonder if there are blocks in every temple.
They also have to fight some new monsters that appear to be humanoid fire-robots with swords and shields doubling as guns. Wow.

Raine heals the group with "Nurse", which I'm pretty sure she shouldn't have at this point...
Also, it's just a bunch of magical nurses (??) running around, which somehow heals the entire party.
I'd have guessed it had something to do with the nurses being really hot (even though it doesn't look like it from this distance), but that wouldn't explain how they heal the female characters...unless they're somehow so hot they turn all of them into temporary lesbians?
This line of reasoning is stupid I am abandoning it

Then there are scorpions!
Colette wrote:Don't worry, leave it to me!
And then she ran around in circles for the rest of the fight.

The group spends some time looking around the temple, stealing strange items ("Mumei"?) and fighting strange enemies ("Brown Pot"!?).
Uh...that's a pretty long combo you have there, Kratos.
But, uh...this is just a suggestion...could you maybe not MAKE THAT NOISE FOR A HALF HOUR BECAUSE ARGH

Finally, they're at the top via unremarkable magic teleporter.
Raine starts getting crazy again, but fortunately a bunch of spooky red light particles start drifting up out of the big thing in the center of the room, cutting her off.
Genis wrote:Aah! What the?!...
...Those lights aren't that scary are they? Maybe Genis has a phobia of particle effects.
Oh wait here's an explosion of lava never mind

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