Star Ocean 4 and the Cutscenes of Fatal Death

Ooh, I've never played this before. I will watch all the cutscenes in it

SQUARE-ENIX x tri-Ace present

Square, eh? I bet there will be some cutscenes in this game

Ooh shiny spaceship planes. WAIT ONE OF THEM EXPLODED

OH NO ITS A WAR FIGHT AND THERE IS A LATIN CHORUS because war is serious and so is a group of men with very deep voices chanting in some gay language that refuses to stay dead

A submarine? But there are no submarines in space what's the deal
I guess this is on Earth
What a rip-off I thought there would be spaceships

Whee nuclear bombs
lol they look like a bunch of penises flying in slow motion

EVERYONE DIES FROM THE PENISES
A general takes off his sunglasses in disgust. OH THE HUMANITY

Oh but then the President shook hands with Unidentified Foreign Leader Guy.
HOORAY EVERYONE'S HAPPY NOW

Hey quit putting ruined cities on the screen
Haven't you heard that peace was declared

And now feathers rain from the sky! Hooray
Wait WHAT
An angelic chorus begins so these must be ANGEL FEATHERS

The President stares out the window at the feathers. You could just go outside you know the view is a lot better
A guy tries to touch the President on the shoulder but he isn't gonna put up with that shit and he dodges away. Yeah that's right bitch

Wheee feathers flying through space
Wait WHAT

Then a rocket is launched into space and some hobo children watch it to take their minds off of the cancer they're now dying of thanks to the nuclear penises.
I guess the rocket is going out to collect feathers. They are shiny and pretty

But then there was a space station. Uh okay
Wait an exploding ship what
...why are we watching other people watching a PowerPoint presentation

Is this a...wait what's going on
OH they just invented warp travel. They must be using the Chaos Emerald to warp

The booming dramatic music is telling me that I should be impressed by the crappy space station on the screen.
Haha nice try

And then my old nemesis the moon appears to pose next to the earth. ILL GET YOU SOMEDAY YOU BASTID

And here is the super dramatic revelation of the movie's game's title:
STAR WARS OCEAN
A NEW THE LAST HOPE

And now the actual game will start. It will no doubt be a very compelling and epic story


YES I KNOW WHAT THE EARTH LOOKS LIKE ALREADY
That's the earth right

The camera pans over what I assume is a big spaceship.
This takes about a half hour. HURRY UP AND EXPLODE OR SOMETHING

Up in the bridge some dudes in super spacey suits are presumably steering the ship until a fat ugly dude who looks not unlike Yokuba starts yelling.

Fat Ugly Dude wrote:You imbeciles! Are you trying to make me look bad?

Actually I don't think you need any help with that

However he is yelling at Mr. Bitch and his Bitch Brigade and they bow a lot and apologise like a bunch of (polite) BITCHES

Then a door whooshes open revealing a guy who is so important that everyone stops steering the ship in order to stand up and look at him. Uh I hope you all know what you're doing there

He salutes and introduces himself as MOONBASE COMMANDER STEPHEN D. KENNY.
He is reporting from Earth. Well why the hell aren't you reporting from the moonbase isn't that your job
Unless this IS the moonbase...

Wait
Moonbase?
...
BAD MEMORIES
REPRESS REPRESS
...
Okay

Fat Dude just says "HA" at Mr. Commander. Okay that's kind of hardcore
He complains that Commander Kenny took too long to show up.
Uh, Fatman? I don't think you're in any position to complain about someone moving slowly

Fatman calls him THE GREAT EARTH HERO LIGHTSPEED KENNY and for some reason I suspect that he might be dying soon. We'll see
Also there's a blond fag behind Mr. Commander Hero. I just didn't feel like mentioning him yet okay

Man this fat guy is a dick
His voice is so sarcastic that the sarcasm concentrates itself into a solid mass which takes the shape of a person who starts poking everyone in the back of the head

Lightspeed Kenny says something sarcastic back at Fatman. This is important and the camera does a closeup on everyone's faces, including the Bitchman who is just standing there waiting for his next line

Fatman wrote:Very well. I leave the rest to you.

There's no way he's done being a dick.

Oh he's leaving. Man I thought he was going to-

Fatman wrote:I'M EXHAUSTED, COMMANDER. WHINE WHINE WHINE

Oh okay never mind

Fatman wrote:It made for a fine dawn to the age of space exploration.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Fatman's Evil Henchmen wrote:LOLOLOLOLOL

Wait what
Was that an insult or something?
Uh
That was because Kenny missed his ceremony right? Or something
...It really wasn't that funny, guys

So the Fatsquad leaves and Blondie starts saying something about ceremony something something
Hurry up and explode already

LITESPEED KENNY wrote:...It doesn't matter.

NOW WHAT HAPPENS
I WILL NEVER
GIVE UP
THE
FIGHT

I'm very sorry I'll stop

Galactic Hero Lightspeed Kenny says that the ceremony is just a formality, and that him and Blondfag can watch their departure from the bridge.
Wait what do you mean by "their"

Super Kenny wrote:Yes..."their" departure...

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT GODDAMN

PRESENTING OUR HERO EDGE MAVERICK
He has one of his arms covered in bright orange armor stuff because that's stylish

He's typing on a computer and AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
Some retarded girl is attacking him from inside the computer!!! She said "boo"

Pink Retard wrote:GOTCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA [Spoken in a squeaky, high-pitched voice while stupid music plays in the background]

...It's going to be a long night

Pinktard (she has pink hair, see) starts squeaking a lot while Edge stares at her pop-up window with an expression that clearly reads "Uh"
He needs better virus protection if you ask me

She conveys GREETINGS FROM USTA HEADQUARTERS!!!!!!!!!
Her name is Welch which is the sound I make after hearing her voice

Welch wrote:As you can see, I'm a bashful little girl

CONTROL ALT DELETE
HURRY

Welch wrote:I'll be the one supporting you from Earth, okay?

Game over

Then she starts doing the V sign with both hands really hard.
Here Edge says his first line of dialogue in the entire game:

Edge wrote:Uhhhh

Not a good sign

Welch squeaks some more and Edge responds with more "Uh"

Welch wrote:Hey, you need a good poke in the eyes? Is that it? C'mere! Poke! Poke!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
She'd better not actually be able to poke him from the computer. I will be mad

Fortunately she can't, but Edge forgets this and jumps back in his seat to avoid her poke. Sigh

Welch wrote:I got your back, man

...what

Welch wrote:STRAIGHT TO THE FIERY DEPTHS OF HELL

...WHAT

While Edge quickly explains that he is not interested in going to hell, Welch helpfully informs us that he has a mission on Planet Ass Aeos.
Edge valiantly tries to stay professional in the face of this vile creature but fails

Welch wrote:We're gonna be together for a while, kid

How could anyone lose at the game this quickly? THIS IS ONLY THE FIRST FEW MINUTES

Edge sighs, realizing there is no escape

Welch wrote:Enough lovers' patter for now. Talk to you laterrrrrrrrr

die

The pop-up abruptly changes channels to a violent-looking armored redhead, probably female.

Manly Voice wrote:YO EDGE

*HRK*

Edge gets scared and finally closes the pop-up, then pretends to go back to doing actual work.
BUT MANWOMAN WILL NOT BE STOPPED

Manly Voice wrote:EDGE HEY DONT CUT THE TRANSMISSION LIKE THAT

How could he have endured all of Welch but not this

Edge begins saying stuff like "you are breaking the rules and I am a super-square" and then calls him by his full name to ensure that the viewers at home don't miss it.
He is Captain Crowe F. Almedio

But Crowe calls Edge on his "responsible" act and tells him that Reimi was upset because he skipped the super ceremony. You know the one from earlier that Fatman was talking about
But I do not know who Reimi is
By the way it is pronounced "Amy" but with an R

Crowe wrote:Don't be too hard on her, okay?

He only beats her because he loves her

And it turns out Crowe is apparently Edge's brother even though they have different last names. He tells them not to fight and pretends to cry sarcastically

Edge wrote:We're not actually fighting.

Yeah, I've heard that one before. Let me guess, you were just playing

Edge seems to be mad at his brother for becoming a captain. What a bitch

Edge wrote:Actually, no,

LIAR
You did a weird exasperated sound effect and everything

Edge wrote:It's just...you're getting so far ahead of me.

SEE

Crowe calls Edge a kid and he makes another exasperated sound. This disturbs Crowe deeply and he rushes to console his despairing brother

Crowe wrote:I'm not as far ahead as you might think.

YOU ARE A CAPTAIN

Edge wrote:Goodbye.

He says this in the exact same tone as the AOL voice
Edge maybe you should turn off that computer and go outside to get some fresh air

Crowe implores him to wait and delivers a rousing speech about duty and responsibility, accompanied by trumpets.

Crowe wrote:Look, we're all in the same boat here.

YOU ARE A CAPTAIN

Eventually the trumpets get through to him though. He stops making those noises and his brother ends the transmission with a "bon voyage".

Edge wrote:..."Bon voyage"? We're going to the same place.

OR IS IT?

Edge wrote:I suppose I can't stay mad forever.

You can try.
Welch will help you with that

He slaps himself in the face to uh...wake himself up, then gets ready to do...something while dramatic music plays.
A girl giggles at him. She is drawn to the pure manliness of Edge slapping himself

Then some queer shows up and tells them to initiate launch procedures or something.
Then we're back on the bridge I think.

Blondfag wrote:So...this is it.

It is?
What is it

that lightspeed guy...OH YEAH his name's Kenny wrote:Indeed it is.

*exasperated noise*

that Lightspeed Kenny guy wrote:We've charged these children with the future of our species...

Wait WHAT
Oh there's no way what happens next is going to turn out to be a good idea

Cut back to the "Seeds of Hope" which is what Edge's group (?) is called now

The fag from before who told them to initiate. I suspect he is French wrote:Keep a steady hand, and perform as you always have.

...What exactly is he telling them to do

Meanwhile Lightspeed Kenny is giving a super dramatic speech on the bridge but I have totally stopped caring

DRAMATIC MUSIC AND A SPACESHIP
A thing launches.

Meanwhile Edge's crew is keyboarding and the girl (I'm guessing this is Reimi) is shouting stuff.
Then Fugit announces that it is time to ENGAGE
ENGAGE is apparently Edge's job and he INITIATES ENGAGE by pushing the lever and releasing the parking brake.

WHOOSH THEIR SHIP IS ENGAGED OFF INTO SPACE
There are a bunch of other ships too. They pose for the camera a lot

Cut to Lightspeed Jeffery's face looking dramatic while flutes play. Okay sure

Edge's ship shoots off into a swirling blue vortex of death. Uh...okay sure
Then the camera goes wild and spins around for some reason. Whoa man I'm seeing stars

Here is a shot of the ship from the side as it travels through the vortex thingy.
I half expected to see the word "loading" appear at the bottom of the screen
...wait I think that WAS the loading screen

Once the loading is complete the crew PREPARES FOR WARP OUT
Edge cannot wait to be the first person to set foot on Aeos. I can just picture him knocking the captain out of the way and leaping out the door.
He'd probably land in quicksand

Reimi (?) makes fun of him and calls him a kid.

Edge the Kid wrote:Hey, it's a big deal for a guy

Does this qualify as innuendo? Seriously, I can't tell

Reimi (?) wrote:Edge, be careful to keep the ship stable when we warp out.

How about this
Also I should hope Edge knows how to do his job by now
Especially when the alternative is EXPLODING

Edge is pissed about getting blown off by his girlfriend and he goes back to work whilst complaining. Wait a minute I'm sure there was some innuendo in that last part

So they start to WARP OUT.
BUT WHAT'S THIS!?!??!?!?

Bald Black Guy wrote:IM GETTING A GRAVITY READING

Yes it turns out that gravity exists

Bald Black Guy wrote:THERE'S A METEOR-LIKE OBJECT CROSSING OUR PLANNED TRAJECTORY

It might be a meteor
...Why do I get the feeling that they won't figure out how to turn the ship soon enough to avoid hitting it

Frenchy wrote:...Meteor...?

YES A METEOR
GODDAMN
WHAT ARE YOU BLIND IT HAS GRAVITY AND EVERYTHING

The meteor misses the ship completely. I actually didn't see that coming
How are they going to crash land on a planet if the ship doesn't get damaged by something?
Maybe they forgot to put fuel in it

Bald Black Guy wrote:THE UNIDENTIFIED OBJECT HAS PASSED US

IT WAS A METEOR

Reimi (?) wrote:A meteor affecting our gravitational field? Isn't that strange?

Uh...maybe??
What's that, Edge? It is strange? Well okay then good enough for me

Some Guy wrote:COMMENCING WARP OUT

Wait I thought you already commenced warp out
Well I'm not a Seed so what do I know

Some Guy wrote:TEN SECONDS TO WARP OUT

Alright they've been building up this WARP OUT for a while now
This had better be interesting. I'm expecting at least 80% deflector shield integrity failure
9
8
7
6
KABOOM
The ship shakes around because of gravity

Bald Black Guy wrote:There's a fluctuation inside our wormhole, sir!

lol

Lots of sciency-sounding stuff is messing up etc.
THEY MUST INITIATE AN EMERGENCY WARP OUT

Edge wrote:Reimi, I'll handle 3, 5, and 9!

AND I'LL FORM THE HEAD
And finally we have confirmation on the childhood friend/love interest's name

So they do the emergency warp thingy.
Of course the ship shakes a lot and everyone screams like a bitch, even Captain Fagmustache
The music during this part reminds me of some of the songs from Star Ocean 3
Specifically, the ones that sound kind of like a bunch of random instruments being smashed together

So the ship falls out of the wormhole and crash lands on a purple-y lookin' planet.
Almost everyone has fallen out of their chairs. Oh come on how could all of you have forgotten to wear your seatbelts
Edge was miraculously not catapulted through the windshield.

Edge wrote:Did we...crash-land?

Sigh.
All right look I'm only going to explain this once:

Spoiler:

DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION EDGE?
THAT'S RIGHT IT DOES

Edge wrote:Where...are we...?

THE FIERY DEPTHS OF HELL

This is drop dead hilarious Cat keep writing this.

Not only was Edge not catapulted through the windshield, but he is also COMPLETELY UNHARMED
He quickly goes to wake Reimi, who sounds less like she's recovering from a nasty fall and more like she's on crack

Suddenly the whole crew is up. Okay

Cpt. Fgt. wrote:At least no one's critically wounded. Let's be grateful for small mercies.

And then they died of starvation

It turns out they actually crashed on Aeos. I guess it worked out for them, then, even though I still have no idea what they're doing there.

Annoying Guy wrote:ALL RIGHT WE MADE IT AFTER ALL

And then they died of the ebola virus

Four other ships crashed on Aeos too. IT'S A CRASHING PARTY
Although judging from the ship-tracking map, some of them landed in the ocean. That's not good

One of them, the Aquila, went missing. The warp out must have been too hardcore for it to handle

Cpt. Fgt. wrote:We have to concentrate on the task in front of us.

WHICH IS WHAT EXACTLY??

I guess he's speaking in general terms because then he starts ordering everyone around.
Everyone starts working on repairing the subspace communication system because THEY CANT DO ANYTHING WITHOUT COMMS
But the Captain tells Edge to go scout out the area. I kind of get the feeling he's trying to get him out of the way so he won't mess up the repairs

NOW LOADING

Apparently the repair crew has to vacuum the outside of the ship before they can fix it. Uh...okay
Oh wait I think that was a different ship. Edge's (called the Calnus) is just over that hill there

WHOA EDGE HAS A MASSIVE RIFLE THAT'S AWESOME
Also Reimi just kind of followed him out. Figures
She asks whether he thinks Manvoice Crowe is okay.
Edge says he does because...?

Edge wrote:He's not the type to let something like this do him in.

Is he the invulnerable type?
I don't think there are many types of person that come with the ability to survive exploding and drowning

But Reimi agrees with Edge's unshakable logic. Although since Crowe's an important character he probably is right so uh

Edge wrote:Anyway, how are things looking out here?

YOU ARE THE SCOUT

Wait the other ship is...their ship's exploration craft? Am I understanding this correctly

Reimi's job might be "person who says things that appear on computer monitors". She explains how the air isn't made of acid. Okay good to know
Then she starts talking about plants or something

Reimi wrote:There's lots of primitive gymnospermae

Not going to comment not going to comment
Oh too late

The point is, according to her/her handheld thingy, the planet's in something like the Jurassic period. Oh boy dinosaurs

Edge wrote:Think we'll run into any dinosaurs?

Edge's tone of voice is light-hearted and suggests that he's not at all worried about getting eaten by giant reptiles

But the reports didn't say anything about any dinosaurs. That just means when they show up everyone will be real surprised. Maybe they are ninja dinosaurs

A GIANT BUG WHAT
Hey you're not a dinosaur get lost

It attacks them and Edge pushes Raimi out of the way just in time.
Then they stare at it for a while and ask "WHAT IS IT"
Then some soldiers run up and shout "WHAT IS IT"
So much for the exploration reports you all don't know shit

The soldiers fire at it and their rifles make tiny popping noises. I understand that in the future, guns don't have to make loud noises, but that's still kind of disappointing

But the spider has some kind of force field which the bullets or energy rounds or whatever bounce off of.
So the spider tromps over to them and kills them horribly offscreen while Edge and Raimi watch. Uh maybe you could call for help or throw a rock or something

Looks like there are a bunch of spiders and they're attacking the soldiers.
One of them off in the background can be heard complaining. "That was a direct hit!" THIS IS BULLSHIT MY BULLETS WENT RIGHT THROUGH YOUR HEAD

A soldier gets killed and explodes, and his sword flies through the air in slow motion. What the fuck did I just type
It lands somewhere around Edge. Now he can get it and fight the-
Wait no first he has to stare at one of the spiders as it runs up to him. Then he falls down
Then he tries shooting the spiders some more! (pop pop pop)

He shouts at Reimi to go get help.
She is reluctant to leave because she would rather watch Edge die and then get killed herself, but he shouts some more and she eventually leaves.
...Damn you run slow

Edge looks up and notices that there's a giant spider. OH MY GOD WHAT IS A GIANT SPIDER DOING HERE his face seems to say.
FINALLY he makes a dash for the sword...in EXTREME slow motion of course with a close up on his hand as he grabs it. Oh come on it's the starter weapon for crying out loud

Then he stares at it while the camera pans across it. Okay it does look pretty cool so this is understandable
...Oh man this music
Is it the same thing that plays during the warp out? Sounds like it

Then the spiders rush Edge because they want his sword

Edge wrote:I'M TAKING AT LEAST ONE-

"of them down with me", right?

Edge wrote:-OF THOSE LEGS HOME WITH ME

...what
Well uh
A spider tries to attack him but it is no match for his power of swinging a sword in extreme slow motion while the camera does a close-up on the back of his hand as a magical symbol appears on it and starts glowing.
I guess he has the Triforce of Slow Motion

I think he shoots a beam out of his sword/hand. It wounds the spider

Edge wrote:Good. So they're not totally invincible.

Yeah just mostly invincible

Edge wrote:And that means...I can do this.

The jury's still out on that one

A battle theme starts and its time for fite

Edge wrote:Bring it on! We're just getting started!

"We"?
You and the sword, right

So he kills them in the first battle of the game.

Edge wrote:ALL RIGHT NICE JOB

he says to himself
Unless he was talking to the sword of course

And now they are back in the ship.
Raimi is mad at Edge for fighting the spiders. I guess she'd have been a lot happier if they'd killed him

Captain Frenchy is busy yelling into a TV at his superior OH NO IT'S FATMAN
HE'S in charge of the mission?
Game over

Fatman is really mad at the crew for getting attacked by spiders. Wow this guy is just amazing
He refuses to let the military (or as he likes to call them: "those blockheads") come help kill spiders because uh...?

The amazing conversation continues for a while:
"WE'RE DYING OUT HERE HELP"
"Get over it"

Edge, who is eavesdropping in the back, gets really mad and tries to run at the TV so he can punch it, but Reimi stops him by shaking her head at him, which I guess gets him to realize that's a terrible idea.

Fatman wrote:Or course, I'd hate to be thought of as a cold-hearted superior who's all talk.

This sarcasm is so intense it could be used to kill the spiders.
But what is he about to do to uh...change his image?

Fatman wrote:I've already contacted "them" for you.

THEM!?!?!?!

Frenchy wrote:"THEM"!?!?!?!? You don't mean the-

Fatman wrote:You'll be receiving their assistance shortly.

...I'm getting a little bit tired of these mysterious pronouns

So Fatman hangs up the computer and goes to eat a stick of butter or something.

Edge wrote:"Them"? Who's "them"?

WHY THAT IS A FINE QUESTION MR. EDGE MAVERICK
WOULD ANYONE CARE TO ANSWER HIM?

Frenchy wrote:I'll explain everything in due time.

Well I say it's due time RIGHT NOW
Oh never mind I can wait

Frenchy praises Edge for being the only fighter to avoid getting injured by "that creature". Uh actually I think there were a bunch of them

In any case Edge asks about the status of the other ships on the ship-tracking map device.
ONE OF THEM VANISHED which gives Raimi a chance to yell "VANISHED" dramatically

So Edge's new mission is to find the Eremia what got vanished.

Edge wrote:Me...sir?

IS YOUR NAME EDGE MAVERICK?
IS THE CAPTAIN LOOKING DIRECTLY AT YOU?
THEN YES

So Edge goes to get ready but when he comes out of his room (?) Raimi is waiting in the hall to ambush him. She is ripping off Saria's technique

Raimi wrote:Why did you accept such a dangerous assignment so quickly?

I know, right?
He should disobey a direct order and shout FUCK YOU MAN I FOLLOW MY OWN ROAD and then lurk in the back of the ship for the rest of the game

Edge wrote:I can't just leave our people alone out there.

It's called being a selfish bastard, Edge. You should try it sometime

Reimi is of course going to follow Edge all the way to the fiery depths of hell because she is in love with him.
This means she is allowed to do a lot of outrageously stupid, dangerous, and selfish things and still be considered a good character.
Okay that's kind of unfair but it's up to the game to prove me wrong. I'M WATCHING YOU RAIMI DON'T SCREW UP

Raimi wrote:And that's why I'm coming. To make sure you don't do anything else stupid.

You mean, like attacking a monster?
Don't worry I'm sure he won't have to fight anything else for the rest of the game

Edge wrote:What exactly do you think you're going to do if we have to fight another one of those bug things?

Uh Edge somehow I don't think rational thought is going to work here

She plans on fighting the spiders with her INCREDIBLY ADVANCED FUTURISTIC HIGH-TECH bow and arrows
Yeah I made a pretty scary face just then

They open the door and see a lot of incredibly convenient smoke coming from the direction of where the vanished ship used to be. And so the game begins

Eh?
Why is this cutscene labeled all weird-like? Let's find out

Oh okay she shoots a spider and it dies. This means bow actually does work on spiders
I was half expecting the video's name to be sarcasm

Oh hey! It's time for fun with Youtube comments!

fuexiong wrote:UGH! theses guys used to be a pushover when you were a nub level..but now, own any day. ahah

ahahahahah
what
I don't think I actually need to watch this but I may as well be thorough

zzzzz

Okay maybe not.
But I did like how Edge got ambushed by enemies, yelled DAMMIT really loud, then filled the screen with exploding sword beams which killed all the enemies.

Edge and Reimi reach the site of the crashed/vanished ship.
There is a deadfag on the beach and he has some cool last words for Edge, including

Deadfag wrote:Be...careful...

WHEN YOU PINCH WENDY'S PENNIES And of course he lives long enough to deliver his master's thesis on What Happened To The Ship.

Deadfag wrote:That's when we found...it...

Edge wrote:"It"...?

I have HAD IT with these MOTHERFUCKIN' PRONOUNS in this MOTHERFUCKIN' SCRIPT

"IT" is a meteor fragment.
OH NO
THE METEOR'S COME BACK TO FINISH THE JOB

Deadfag's crew brought it back to the ship to examine it but, as he puts it,

Deadfag wrote:Everything just...went to hell...

There might have been fire and/or depths involved.
When you examine meteor fragments, THEY PINCH BACK

Deadfag wrote:That's why I...destroyed the ship...

Well guess what retard you're not supposed to be standing in it when you destroy it. That's why you're a deadfag now

Yeah so Edge and company is shocked and appalled for a while.
Edge asks where the crew is but Deadfag stares at him for a year and refuses to answer.
So Edge gets mad and shakes the guy. GOOD JOB EDGE

Deadfag coughs a lot and warns them to get the hell off the planet a few more times.
Then he raises his arm in the air slowly which means he's about to die, so when he dies he can let his arm fall indicating that he is dead. And then that happens

The brave deadfag is dead, and Edge sorrowfully gropes him.
Uh I'm sure that's just a bad camera angle or something