Skit Archive

Writer Index:
Whiner:Masu
The Criminal:Masu (TLS wrote the last line with him seperately so i just added it)
Seperated-Masu-:Masu
Seperated-Branded-:Branded/Syn
Seperated-Bizz-:Bizz
Alone:Fireman/ The Knight
Alone 2:Fireman/The Knight
Tales of Tales:Fireman/The Knight
Hotsprings:Fireman/The Knight
Tales of A Horrible Chef:Bizz
Unlikely Chef:Branded/Syn
Dirty Secret:Masu


Whiner

Masu: *groan* God dammit. I HATE THE SUN.

Branded:Suck it up. We need to deliver these goods to the town on the other side of the desert. Do you want them all to die out because we didnt follow through on our mission?

Masu:WHY are we doing this stupid delivery mission in the first place!?

Branded:Because you BITCHED about the missions where we needed to rout enemies, you BITCHED about the cooking requests, you BITCHED about EVERYTHING ON THE FUCKING LIST.

Masu:Well.....this is the worst one!

Branded:WHY?

Masu:BECAUSE ITS IN THE FRICKIN DESERT!

Branded: *facepalms* I knew I would have been better off doing this alone.......


-The Criminal-

Branded:*sigh*

Masu:Yeah..........the guild isnt gonna be happy with us failing the mission

Song: dry.gif its YOUR fault bro.

Masu:WHA? HOW IN GOD'S NAME WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THE NAME OF THE THING WE HAD TO PROTECT WAS THE TOWN AND NOT JUST A PERSON!?

Branded:Its not even that, even if it was a person, blowing up their entire town in a instant makes you a FUCKING CRIMINAL

Song:Come to think of it, why aren't there angry villagers chasing us yet? *glares at Masu*

Masu:.......well.....y'see........this stray meteor came from the sky and-

Branded:SO YOU'RE A FUCKING MURDERER TOO!?

Masu:WAIT IM BEING SERIOUS! I DIDNT USE METEOR STORM! SOMEONE ELSE OFF IN THE DISTANCE DID! I FELT THEIR MANA I SWEAR-

Branded: *draws his sword* DONT GIMME THAT BULLSHIT!

Song:*points a lance at Masu* Looks like justice needs to be served!

Masu: IM NOT LYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

*off in the distance*

TLS:Bwahahha. There's one village off my checklist.

-Separated:Masu-

-Separated-

Masu: idiots. I told them all to wait. But NOOOOOO. Masu's an idiot! We can listen to him now can we?! Now I have to walk around the fucking enemy base ALONE and deactivate that damn magic field they're trapped in. I swear to god if I get ambushed and die imma haunt those bastards for the rest of their lives! But then again im sure they'd die soon after me huh.............so..........their lives rest in my hands? Ugh. Pressure. I hate it. then agaiiiiiiiin.......*smirks* THEY OWE ME THEIR LIVES IF I GET THEM OUT OF IT!

Soldier:HEY! DID YOU HEAR THAT! SOME GUY IS YELLING DOWN THIS CORRIDOR! SOUND THE ALARM!

WARNING. WARNING. INTRUDER DETECTED ON LEVEL D. DISPATCH ALL SPECIAL FORCES AND PREVENT THE INTRUDER FROM REACHING THE HEART OF THE FACILITY!

Masu:.......................well im fucked.



Branded:..............I knew better than to expect anything from him.

-Separated:Branded-

Branded: Honestly the thing people'll make up. Haunted houses, ghost ships, it's all the same. Just floorboards. And idiots like these people'll believe anything they hear. I'd better find the others before they do something stupid, but it'd serve them right to get spooked a bit before I do. It's all their fault if they believe this load of crap. Wait...what was that? Who's there? Masu I swear to God if it's you...

-Separated:Bizz-

Bizz: I am looost, but I have no feaar! They'll all find me, trapped right here! Bizz has hope, Bizz is brave! She must fight this enemy rave! I'm sure they'll find me before I die, so just don't think about it before you... cry... sniff...

-Tales of a Horrible Cook-

Branded: ... All right, just looking at this makes it obvious who made it.
Lyle: Seriously.
Masu: Ditto.
Bizz: ... What?
Branded: Apples and rice?
Bizz: ... It's healthy for you! Why are you complaining? I'm not complaining! <3
Lyle: Kinda bland, though...
Masu: Didn't we have, like, a million other ingredients stored up somewhere?
Bizz: ... I don't know how to make anything else... I thought it'd be special... -sulk-
TLS: H-hey, it's not so bad!

-Tales of Tales-
Fireman: Once upon a time, there existed a giant tree that was the source of all mana. A war, however caused this tree to wither away, and a hero's life was sacrificed in order to take its place. Grieving over the loss, the goddess disappeared unto the heavens. The goddess left the angels with this edict: "You must wake me, for if I should sleep, the world shall be destroyed." The angels bore the Chosen One, who headed towards the tower that reached up unto the heavens. And that marked the beginning of the regeneration of the world.
Masu: That was the worst story I've ever heard.

-Hot Spring-
Fireman: Hot spring, eh? Well, see ya. Just make sure you guys don't go peeping on the female members in our party.
Masu: What makes you think we would do that?
Fireman: Then I suppose those binoculars are for staring at Lyle's chiseled abs?
Masu: ...Crap.

-Alone-
Fireman: ...That blast must've seperated us...I suppose I should look for everybody. Then again...they haven't paid me to, yet. So I guess I'll just wait here until they do. Hm...but if I don't find Masu, I won't get paid...

-Alone 2-
Fireman: Man. It sure is weird how quiet it is now that I'm working alone again.
...
...
Fireman: Fonons!
Fireman: Sexcopter!
Fireman: ...It's just not the same.

-Dirty Secret-

Masu:WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?

Branded: Why are you causing such a ruckus at this time of night.

Masu:This keeps happening every night! When I get back from taking a bath, the tent smells like flowers and has crumpled failed love letters. I thought when I got rid of Lyle-

Branded:Wait so thats why you forced him into the girls' tent?

Masu:Well yeah. Besides im sure he was more than happy about it. But it keeps happening! WHO. WHO!?

Branded: you know it isnt me.

TLS:Not me either.

Masu:But that only leaves Firema-

Fireman:*holds a dagger to Masu's throat* I suggest you think twice about suggesting that a assassin such as myself would ever harbor feelings of love for anything besides money.

Masu:......yes.......sorry......*sweats*

Fireman:Now i all suggest we get some sleep. I'll keep watch. Good night all.

Masu/TLS/Branded:Night.

*outside the tent*

Fireman:...............sounds like everyone is sleep. *pulls out a paper and pen*

Skit Title: The Fireman.
Written by: TLS
Characters: Rozen, Masu, TLS, Lyle

Rozen: So what's up with that Fireman guy?

Masu: What do you mean?

Rozen: Well the money for one thing.

Masu: What do you mean?

Rozen: Well 10,000 Gald per-kill seems a little...extreme. Neither of you find it odd?

Masu: Nah, he's just Fireman.

TLS: Yeah, he's been like this ever since we met him.

Lyle: I think Fireman has a deep love for someone, and that one day he intends to win her love with the ludicrous amounts money he charges everyone.

Masu, Rozen & TLS: ...

Lyle: What?

Skit Title: -Seperated: TLS and Rozen-
Written by: TLS
Characters: TLS, Rozen

TLS: SUCK IT (Enemy Nation) YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR THE PURE SEX THAT IS TLS

Rozen: If you keep that shouting up more guards will come, we're supposed to be trying to get back to the group not start a war by ourselves.

TLS: C'mon Rozen have a little fun, can't you enjoy the pure own we're inflicting on these faygs?

Rozen: You've been spending to much time with Masu...

TLS: Fine I'll try and keep it down.

Rozen: Thanks.

TLS: Say Rozen, when we get out of this hole wanna go cruisin' for wenches?

Rozen: Uhm...sure...

TLS: Epic! *exits screen*

Rozen: (Of all the people for that blast to send me flying with it had to be the loud, sex obsessed, nut job.)

TLS: (Of all the people for that blast to have sent me flying with it had to be the quiet, asexual, normal guy.)

Both: Fuck my life!

Skit Title: The Fireman Pt2
Written By: TLS
Characters: TLS, Bizz, Princess, Rozen, Fireman

Rozen: You know how Fireman gave me that Gel in battle today?

TLS: I was kind of preoccupied with not getting stabbed.

Bizz: I saw it, why do you ask Rozen?

Rozen: Well...he came to my tent just now and asked me for 3000 gald.

Princess: What'd you do?

Rozen: I paid up, he did save my life and everything.

TLS: Of course you did, he's Fireman.

Rozen: It just seems weird that he only thought of payment after he saved me.

Princess: Are you insinuating Fireman did something for free?

Bizz: Without thought of payment?

TLS: Just to save your life?

Rozen: Well...

TLS: You're mad, their is no way a heartless bastard like him would ever do anything without thought of pay.

Fireman: *appears on screen* What heartless bastard?

TLS: uhhh....uhm...Lyle...yeah Lyle.

Bizz: Right...

Cheated
*Unlocked by using Nightmare's Mystic Arte*
Branded: Pretty nice moves back there.
Nightmare: You think so?
Branded: Yeah. It makes me feel a little cheated though.
Nightmare: Why?
Branded: Well looking at you now it feels like you held back in our last fight.
Nightmare: ...Maybe. *leaves*
Branded: Wait, "maybe?" So you were holding back?

Local Scenery
Masu: And what about that brunette one?
Lyle: Let's see...not bad at all. She definitely knows what she's got.
Masu: You think so?
Lyle: Oh yeah. Just a little more and she'd be my ideal size. Hey check out the little blonde girl by the shop.
Masu: Hm? Well hello there.
Lyle: Looks like you got an ideal size too.
Masu: You could say that. Here's a nice one. Redhead over by the-
Princess: What are you two looking at?
Masu&Lyle: GAH!!!
Princess: Hm? What's wrong?
Lyle: N-nothing.
Masu: We were just enjoying the local scenery.
Lyle: Yeah, exactly.
Princess: Scenery? Well this is a lovely place.
Masu: Isn't it?
Lyle: I almost feel kinda bad.
Songbird: "Scenery" huh?
Masu: *sweatdrops* Hehe...

Friendly Fire
Masu: Ha...ha...
TLS: Nice shot Masu.
Masu: Thanks, I didn't think I'd pull it off for a second.
Songbird: But you did and it was great. Congrats.
Branded: *eyes closed, but obviously irritated*...
Masu: What's up?
Branded: It's true...you have changed from the kid who always blew himself up with his own spells.
Masu: Yup. Years of practice have finally paid off! *Branded hits Masu* Ow! What was that for?
Branded: Now your spells blow everything else up...including ME! *chases Masu* Come here!
Masu: *runs away* Whoa! Stay away!
Branded: Take it like a man!
Songbird: *sweatdrops*

Friends, right?
Masu: Are we there yet?
Branded: No.
Masu: Are we there yet?
Branded: ...No.
Masu: Are we there yet?
Branded: ...
Masu: We're lost again aren't we?
Branded: ...
Masu: We are aren't we?
Branded: ...
Masu: I can't believe how easily you get lost sometimes. It's amazing that you can even find the bathroom.
Branded: Shut up! I was trying to get directions earlier but you had to come and scare them away.
Masu: You were taking way too long. Not my fault if you can't cut to the chase. Besides you know half the time you talk people can barely hear you.
Branded: Ah right, sorry I wasn't born with your unique talent for being able to be heard in the next country over. *mutters* It probably compensates for people not seeing you unless they look down to their feet.
Masu: You say something?
Branded: *stares off* Not a word.
Lyle: They are friends right?
TLS: That's what I thought.
Songbird: It's fine. Trust me.
Princess: Are you sure?

Written By TLS:

Branded's Mystic Arte?:

TLS: Wow Branded that arte was really badass!

Masu: How the hell did you even do something like that?

Fireman: I must admit I am quite impressed.

Branded: I-it was nothing really.

TLS: You're to modest, that was incredible.

Branded: I guess...

Masu: I gotta go practice, I can't have you getting to much stronger then me.

TLS: You gotta show me how you did that later!

Fireman: ...

*TLS, Masu and Fireman all leave*

Branded: *sigh*

Nightmare: So....how did you pull that arte off anyway...

Branded: It was a total fluke...couldn't pull it off again if I tried.

Nightmare: Are you gonna tell them?

Branded: Hell no!

Nightmare: Thought so.

The Fireman Pt3:

Fireman: ...The disemboweled mercenary crumpled from his saddle and sank to the clouded sward, sprinkling the parched dust with crimson droplets of escaping life fluid...

Princess: uhm...what are you doing?

Fireman: Gah!

Princess: What are you writing there?

Fireman: Nothing, shut up.

Princess: I-i....is that poetry?

Fireman: No never how dare you even-

Princess: hahahahahahahaha

Fireman: Don't laugh, it's art!

Masu: What's going on over here.

Princess: Fireman's been writing poetry.

Fireman: ....

Masu: Who's the lucky lady Fireman?

Fireman: ...

Princess: Yeah, what's her name?

Fireman: !!!

Masu: She Hot.

Fireman: ...Three Thousand.

Masu and Princess: For what?

Fireman: That's how much you have to pay if either of you want to walk away with your shins intact.

Masu and Princess: Paying right up sir!

Fireman: ...

-Upgrade-

Masu:Man, things have been fucking great since we got that new overlimit from vesperia.
Lyle:I dunno, I think i'd prefer to have useless overlimit and an affection system.
Masu:Are you fucking serious? Kilvas is the only fucking woman here anyways! Unless you're GAY. Fuck affection system, better battle system is WAYYYYYYYY more important.
Shin:I dunno. I think i'd finally like to have a villian with a GOOD motive. I mean, who was the last GOOD villian?
Masu: *pulls out book* Lets see..........Mithos was lame,Van was lame, Duke was kind of just a tree hugger, well there's Mikitran.
Lyle:Who the fuck is that?
Shin:Destiny.
Lyle:No wonder I dont know.
Masu:What!? Destiny has a PS1 version in the US.
Lyle:Oh. Well I started with symphonia, how would I know?
Rozen: Well-
Lyle:SHUT UP ROZ. Anyways, Affection system.
Masu:Battle.
Shin:Story
Rozen: Uh-
Lyle/Masu:SHUT UP!
Kilvas: Uh guys.......how much longer are you gonna argue in the middle of a desert?
Shin:And when are we going to stop brutally mutilating the fourth wall? Also as for villians, Richard. Hands down.
Masu:Ohhhh! Get this! NamcoBandai is going bankrupt and they're gonna start laying people off!
Lyle:Sucks for you. Guess you wont be in the next game.
Shin:Actually, you're less likely Lyle. You have a love interest, this will end and you'll be happily ever after with sugar and rainbows. As for Myself and Masu, well we dont really have anything, they could make a sequel or spin-off or something.
Masu:HAH!
Lyle:Smartass........

Lol sounds so much like a discusion in L4D