Joker bitches at The Answer

Here's my rendition of a Let's Play, sorry for no pictures or anything but doing that would just take forever, and 3 pages of text to start off would be a pain the in the ass. Maybe next post I'll do some pictures sense it's more combat sensitive.
Chapter 1: To those we don’t care for

This game takes place after the events of The Journey and we insist that you wait till after you finish the Journey to play this game. However if you are like me, I start this off anyways because I am in don’t give a shit mode. Combat difficulty is blah blah blah let me play this fucking game already.

Opens to a cutscene with Aegis and Akihito fighting each other, kinda seems unfair as Aegis has a gun, which she uses. Maybe instead of bullets it fires candy or something you know MAKE THE MATCH FUCKING FAIR. She talks about a future, and how they don’t know basic principles, which questions me sense isn’t she a robot. A key, what the fuck does a key have to do with all of this, maybe it’s a key to not give a shit. Cutscene ends and game tells us that we start off somewhere before hand, which I hate flashback *throws computer at wall*

It is currently March 31st 2010, I always hated games that use dates that are in the future, because I expect them to happen, doesn’t really help me that games like Splinter Cell which depects war between countries do this.

Game opens up to Fukka talking to bitchy I mean Yukari about going to the dorm today, apparently she has cram school, but once again, WHO GIVES A SHIT, then again what is she really doing, maybe she’s selling drugs or something, might make it more interesting. Scene pans out to show Mitsuru, Ken, the dog, and Junpei sitting around with the envokers on the table, looks like Akihito and Yukari won’t be going (ken still sounds like a kid too old for his age). Junpei looks more like he would fit in a western movie about some troubled youth who develops a love of baseball and wins the highschool championship or just not care. Mitsuru doesn’t seem affected by their choices not to come seeing it as they’re way to go out on their own path.

Apparently Aegis had the envoker of the dead main characters, which brings up the question, what did she do to it during the past month? Doctors didn’t find anything wrong with him when he died, maybe he died of a broken heart like that bitch did in Episode III of Star Wars.

You know sometimes I wish that Aegis was more of a stronger character in terms of voice, her actor did do a lot of strong voice overs in shows but it seems like a more depressed monotone voice doesn’t work. And the old adage of the phrase “the fastest way to a mans heart is through their stomach” holds true when it comes to sushi.

The Newscaster in this game confuses me, why in the hell would they report about people complaining about stress in life. People should suck it up and bitchin about it or they will all turn into Yukari clones, which would suck, HARD. They are sitting and talking about how they only saved the world and didn’t do anything to help the people, SERIOUSLY, if you didn’t save the world there would be no one left to protect. My bloody god you guys are all a bunch of winners, you get the A+ in bitch and moanin.

At the tone the time will be a large bang coming through the wall or something. Seriously that was the most shocking shit all day. Newscaster starts talking about how it’s March 31st, WAIT WHAT, did the game actually put us into the twilight zone here, and no not the twilight where everyone is a vampire, the Twilight zone that old sci-fi show about fucked up people, the sad part is everyone here would be great additions into that show, hell maybe even William Shatner could be the narrator.

Aegis’s room scares the shit out of me, why does she have that much machine gun rounds and that many school dresses seriously it’s like Monty Pythons house of guns and clothes, the ultimate JRPG character resource center, where today they are having a 50% discount of school uniforms for the nearby school.

Aegis talks about having a dream where she can never catch up the main character even if she ran. Here’s a smart idea, use those fucking finger guns of yours and shoot him in the leg or something. A blue butterfly flies into the room, which if you are a familiar Persona player means that something is about to happen, get out your Persona pool cards and play along with us.

If you guessed a large crash followed by someone asking Aegis to come down stairs your off to a good start pat yourself on the back. If you then followed that up by saying a large door to the nonexistent basement in the lounge of the dorm would open up your two for two. If you guessed that there would be an android similar to Aegis already having beaten everyone to a pulp downstairs then you obviously are cheating. If you thought that the android would be there to protect Aegis and then procede to try and beat the shit out of her, then obviously you are high.

FINALLY A FIGHT, THANK YOU FUCKING GOD, sadly it was too damn easy, and yet you get like a godly amount of EXP, and you get like 2 for beating a slime 20 levels ago wtf. The android’s Orgia mode turns her bright pink and let’s loose butterflies for no reason like it’s a really bad idea.

Athena evolved into Orpehus, WAIT WHAT, NO WHY THE FUCK DO YOU GIVE ME THIS PILE OF SHIT. Please give me Thantaros as well, at least Orpheus developed a new move, called Sonic Boombox. Even the game is proud that you lost a good persona for that piece of shit.

Ah Igor and the velvet room, now I always through that Igor was a convicted pedophile in a previous life, but I guess not. Also I love not knowing his name sense; Man with Long Nose is way cooler than Igor. Apparently Aegis is bound to the Wild Card, so do I get a bonus, can I exchange Orpheus for a box of food or maybe more guns and ammo for my gun store. Igor still speaks in riddles, but I guess as long as I can fuse Persona’s and don’t need like 5000 tarot cards for a bloody shitty persona I can live.

God I hate parts of game that are storyline intensive, that means I got to make up more jokes on the spot. Well at least the bitchy Yukari is finally here, great, now I can have my wind spells hit me again, whoopdie. Maybe she’s so bitchy because March 31st is her time of the month and she has to repeat it over and over again. Apparently while fixing Aegis, they found some “strange things under the floor” to me strange could be anything, Junpei’s magazine’s anything.

Akihiko looks like a pimp, which makes me wonder even more what the hell he is up too while not at school or the dorm. Apparently Junpei also developed the ability to put robot’s and me to sleep while the month in between games passed. Metis (the black Android) only purpose is to save Aegis, her sister, and thus starts the counter for how many times she says sister in cut scenes.

The Desert of Doors looks more like something out of the likes of Doctor Who or some game I’m thinking of that I can’t remember, but anyways there’s too many damn doors. They compare The Abyss of Time to Tartarus, which isn’t surprising because if it isn’t Tartar sauce it’s a cheap rip off like stores make. Aegis talks about trust and friendship like it was some retarded seshimie street episode with death and destruction, *thinks* hell that would be a fun show to watch, elmo’s discarded corpse on the ground.

God metis’s voice bugs the shit out of me, it makes me want to rip out my ears and then eat them, and just to be a karmatic bitch, god will probably have her voice in my head for the rest of my life driving me insane.

End of Part 1:
Total Times Metis said sister: 4

I readed it.
Pretty good, even for someone like me who has trouble remembering who all the P3 characters are.

Joker wrote:Aegis talks about having a dream where she can never catch up the main character even if she ran. Here’s a smart idea, use those fucking finger guns of yours and shoot him in the leg or something.

Fuck lol

Alright the second part going right past the first boss of the game. I decided to put a couple pictures into this one for the comic effect.

Chapter 2: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOT TARTAR SAUCE 2.0

Now with the dormitory as your hub, the door to the velvet room is dead in the middle of the building, seriously I wonder if people ever go by the door while the person you control is watching, that would just be bizarre.

So now we get to chose the first group you bring in, here’s a brief refresher for those who have forgotten or just don’t give a shit.

Akihiko: Lightning and direct attacks
Yukari: Bitching, wind, and multi heal spells
Metis: Direct and Wind
Ken: WE DON’T GIVE A SHIT

So naturally I chose the first three to join me into the first dungeon, which upon arrival you see a mysterious figure and if you can’t figure out who it is, you are retarded and deserve to go back to playing Mario teaches you how to count or even fucking ET. The first dungeon Malebolge sounds like something you shit out your ass after a bad burrito.

Apparently there are shadows, because what else would be there, not fluffy bears and unicorns, that would be to disturbing for this game. The first fight has Metis explain Orgia mode, once again if you do not know what it is, see above piss off answer. However as a nice bonus this mode doesn’t cost HP or SP to use skills so naturally if you think the battle is quick or you just don’t care use it often. Though if the battle takes too long

Metis will overheat like the piece of shit machine she is and take double the damage.
The AI albeit is good has a tendency to be bad timed as it will attack with a skill that an enemy can absorb and then the game tells you afterwards. Making you feel like a retard and wanting to yell at Metis or whoever it was.

Orpheus is rather more shitty in this game because of the fact about everything in the open game reflects, or absorbs fire making Orpheus even more useless, I’d rather have fucking a persona with nothing but hama skills.
Fuuka continues her award winning obvious observations, stating that this dungeon feels excately like Tartarus. Well I can kinda figure that out on my own, similar looks, similar game play, similar shitty persona to start with. Also watching everyone use their envokers to inflect an apparent self induced suicide never get’s old, some character (Yukari for example) I wish misplaced their envoker and actually used a gun. Also Aegis missing after she says “I won’t miss” never get’s old.

Battle #9 has Metis disappear, leaving me with emo and bitcy, but the main question is what the fuck does metis have more time to do than help. Seriously is she missing a March 31st appointment to get her ass kicked by a random maya. After the battle Metis magically reappeared after her ass kicking appointment.

Sadly the only thing Orpheus is good against is one of the three most powerful enemies in the beginning dungeon. Fortuna is one of my favorite beginning persona not for any in combat reason but because during casting she spins a wheel, maybe I’ll win a million bucks playing Wheel of Fortuna.

As per standard with this game anytime you get close to a boss floor, Fuuka will alert you with the oblivious factor of a retard. There is one thing that bugs the hell out of me, the all out attack lines each character says does get old rather quickly and everytime I hear the line it feels like a thousand needles in my head being stabbed at my heart.

During the game I commander obvious fuuka told me that now she can tell me if an enemies abilities have been altered, despite the fact that I could already know that about five minutes ago. Proving that useless is as useless does.

Metis’s battle line “keep your hands off my sister,” not only get’s old but it get’s on my nerves, I want to go to the dungeon itself find the bitch, and rip out her voice software, just so she could shut the fuck up and leave me the hell alone.

On the seventh floor you find the “not so mysterious shadow” that you have been following for the better part of this game so far. If you are still left in the dark about who this is, please shoot yourself now. That means you Fuuka.

Ah the first non scripted trip to the velevet room, one of the few things that I like about The Answer so far.
The music always is calming and relaxing and getting rid of Orpheus is like a dream come true. I still want my box of food though as a prize, hell maybe even a kibble.

God do I hate Akihiko sometimes, especially when he forces me into a battle with three lions. While I’m trying to run through the seven floors to the first boss trying to conserve SP.


Now we begin the olypmic event known as dungeon running, it’s great for your thighs and saves many battles, side effects may include: Loss of life, death, and surprise attacks by uber enemies.

I really hate it when I find uber enemies and Fuuka says “There are four enemies attack” I run and yell out, how about not and make sure that I don’t have to reload a file.

Finally the first boss fight, before hand we see once again the not so mysterious shadow which just runs like a little pussy. It makes sense because his voice actor was Yuri Lowenthall so it works.

The Gigas in the fight is weak to wind and can easily be charmed, so having High Pixie works great. The Maya’s are weak to fire, just concentrate on the Maya and keep the Gigas charmed since it’s attacks will reflect on itself. Be warned that both types of enemies have their respective dodge skills on their weaknesses.


After the battle the incredibly blonde Fuuka will wonder who the shadow is, also she will show off her obvious side by telling us that there’s a door ahead of us. Surprisingly it brings you back to the Desert of Doors now allowing you to continue the dungeon crawl on that room at the halfway point instead of the first floor.

So in the end we learned that Fuuka is blonde and points out the obvious, Yukari is a bitch, Akihiko is indifferent, Ken sucks balls still, Metis is Yukari lite.

Death Total in this part: 1 (boss fight issue mistake gone bad)
Total Number of times Yukari said Sister: 5

I'd like it better if there was a bit more grammatical corectness, but that's just me.
Otherwise, this is really good.

Joker wrote:everytime I hear the line it feels like a thousand needles in my head being stabbed at my heart.

Also these are some of the best analogies ever

Catbread wrote:I'd like it better if there was a bit more grammatical corectness, but that's just me.
Otherwise, this is really good.

Joker wrote:everytime I hear the line it feels like a thousand needles in my head being stabbed at my heart.

Also these are some of the best analogies ever

Yeah I'll make sure to check that better next time, just wanted to make sure that it got posted right when i had it done since I didn't know how long the connection would have held.

Part 3: Color Swaps are your friend

Starting back where I had left off I noticed one thing, Atlus is lazy. All they did is swap the red dye for one of blue. And the only thing Fuuka can recognize is that the atmosphere on the floor is different. HEY DUMB BITCH can’t ya notice the fact that the color is different or are you just fucking blind. During combat I remembered how awesome Aegis regular attack animation is, I mean seriously she fires bullets out of her hands, it would only be more awesome if they blew up on contact.

The only thing that I hate about the first dungeon is that Orpheus get’s a good amount of use just because he’s one of the few personas at that point of game that can use Agi skills, meaning that I’m forced to use the shit sandwich persona. The backgrounds during combat kinda freak me out they look like something out of those paintings but that guy who did all those weird paintings with upside downstairs and such, makes me think that I’m about to go have a vertigo effect.

Great Fuuka is useless go figure, she can’t tell what’s downstairs in the dungeon. Which is great since I need to have her helping me figure out where I am and where the bloody hell is a monster in the game.

I swear this game absolutely loves Orpheus, since now he has a card during the card shuffle. Fucking Christ at least it’s not a blind shuffle where you don’t know what you get, since if I get an Orpheus card I get a 10% increase on my home owners insurance.

Getting to the 15th floor I see that there is a giant gold door in front of me. There’s nothing around, not even Fuuka yelling oblivious comments. Oh wait here she is, telling me that it’s a dead end despite the fact that there’s a fucking door within feet of me. Hell she still wonders who that black shadow is.

How the hell did everyone who wasn’t in your party magically appear there, did they have some sort of teleportation that we did not know of and why couldn’t you let me use it you fucking douchebags. Apparently the doors at the end of dungeons are goals, much like how tartar sauce has barracades after a few floors, except that once you get to the doors here you can ACTUALLY OPEN THEM. Yukari still bitches about how she doesn’t want to do this.

After Metis opens the door we find out that it opens to the Mall, and magically there is a door that only they can see, gotta love plot elements. Apparently it was June when they entered, June of the previous year once again gotta love the twilight zone style of plot ideas. Apparently we can only go through places that are important to our past, once again gotta love plot elements. Metis developed Fuuka’s obvious gene my mentioning the plain as day fact that we can get supplies here.

During a black cut scene we learn once again another obvious fact that we can go back into the past thanks to the abyss of time. After buying items and such we re-open the door to find out that from now on like it was some sort of magical reward, we can return to the mall and buy more items as long as our hearts and wallets are content. Whoopdie fucking doo who gives a shit, also Junpei and Koromaru can now take places in your party. I swapped Akihiko for Junpei since I liked his Spring of life skill.

Number of Overall Deaths: 1
Times Metis said sister: 7