P4 RP OVA: The most unfortunate

Summary: While traveling in the TV the team runs into a cafe. Its a simple building, yet for some reason its well maintained and being kept running by humans! Bored and with nothing else to do, they decide to sit down and discuss who has the most unfortunate fate out of the group, without even BOTHERING to ask why theres a cafe run safely by random people in the TV, because what else is there to do when you have free time!? Study? Read a book? Work? FUCK THAT. COMPLAINING IS THE THING TO DO! They also engage in bringing up past events and arguing/commentating them.

Warning/Disclaimer: This OVA has no direct relation to the story whatsoever besides the Characters. They're allowed to lash out on each other as fiercely as they want. The only rule is no getting offended, because this is merely a gag OVA.



Tv Land: Cafe Mayonaka

"Oh! customers! Thats not something we normally get!" A young woman in a black suit said seeing a group of teenagers scurry into the shop.

"HIDE US!" one of the boys said.

"Eh? From what?" she asked

"A GIANT CAT DEMON!" he shouted.

"Tch. Its your fault for calling it a "Purple furry faggot." an irritated black haired girl with glasses complained.

"Well........sure......but paying customers only........" the young woman said.

"Take it up with that guy. He's fucking loaded." the boy said as he took his seat.

"I-I see! May I have your names so I can make an official reservation?" the young woman asked.

"Masuyo."

"Last name?" she asked writing on a pad

"Threw it away."

"I-I see.......and you?" she said stepping back.

"Asakura. Yomiko Asakura."

"I see! Thank you!" she said regaining her composure.

"And we're his Mistress and Incestual Imouto!" an energetic ponytailed girl shouted.

"Sh-shut up! Im not from the Hono family!" a smaller girl shouted. "Tsubasa!" she shouted as she shoved the other girl out of the way.

"Then you can call me.........Miss Mune Mune." the energetic girl said as she skipped by.

But they're rather small......ah wait im not supposed to-

"Such thoughts are unbecoming of a young lady of your stature." a sharp man in a dark blue tuxedo said.

"B-boss! Forgive me!" she shouted bowing.

"Hahah! It was merely a joke. Anyways please get the rest of our customers seated. Theres still quite a few left." he said pointing out the remaining children

"Nagase," a dark haired boy introduced himself before sitting, "First name Shinta."

"Or Kazuki," the red headed girl next to him said, "or Saito, or Raiha, or Yoichi, or Aki-"

"We get it."

"Just making sure," the redhead laughed and took her seat, "Karin Okazaki."

Masuyo looked at the menu. "Why the fuck is this blank!?" he shouted.

"Because Masu-sama-" the man started.

"Dono." he said.

"Very well. Masu-dono, the menu reflects what you want, therefore theres no need to actually order."

"And we don't have to really work!" the young woman shouted.

"Hah! That sounds cool." Masuyo said looking at the menu. it began to glow extremely bright

"Marquis de Carabas." Kentaro says as he takes his seat, "Magic menus? I can dig it. I'll have a cute blonde, a chocolate milkshake, and a repulser ray gauntlet."

A plate appeared infront of Masuyo on the table. A hot cup of green tea was next to it.........but the plate had a pair of warm black panties.

"Urk!" Masuyo grunted. "Hey WHAT THE FUCK I STOLE RISE'S BRA NOT HER UNDIES! KENTARO TAKE YOUR SHIT BACK!" he shouted

"You........want............to eat her panties..................holy shit you're a sickfuck. Why am i paired with you?" Yomiko said while her eye twitched.

"The writer decided I needed someone to force me to stop acting like the buttmonkey of the series since the original leader was incompitent and went AWOL." Masuyo said taking a sip of tea. "Waaaaagaaaaaahai! Waaaaaagaaaaaahai!" he shouted pulling on an imaginary mustache

"Not what I ordered Masu-bro." he says pocketing the panties anyway. A few moments later a chocolate milkshake and a robot glove appear in front of him. "Awesome!" he puts on the glove and accidentally sends a table flying across the cafe. He shrugs and begins to levitate the milkshake up to his mouth to drink. "Delicious! But wheres my hot blonde?"

"Yup...wonder what that guy's doin' now," Shinta mused as a bowl of ramen materialized, "Come to think of it, there used to be a lot more of us didn't there?"

"Oh yeah, like Rei and that Kishin guy," Karin said taking a bite from he curry, "what happened to them."

"Meh, this 'n that and the staff had to cut 'em. There were others too. Remember Hisoka and Kurou?"

"Ah those must be the guys from before my time." kentaro slurps his milkshake "Now that I think about it, the only reason I got cast was to fill in their empty slots. Normally I'd be passed over due to lack of credentials.,,, Wheres that blonde?!" he calls out impatiently.

"Psh. Those two? One was so bad the staff cut him after his first scene. Aparently Hiskoa died in a riot at a baseball game in Kyoto." Masuyo said drinking his tea. "Also the hot blonde is mine." Masuyo said as a green eyed blonde appeared with a plate of onigiri. "See?"

"You know, i've been seriously thinking of dropping Masuyo for a while now." Yomiko said looking at her menu. Suddenly a grey haired 3rd year student appeared infront of her. "For someone like THIS!" she shouted clinging to him.

"Oh seriously? The fucking guy has grey hair! Hes probably fuckin EIGHTY!" Masuyo shouted across the table.

"Least he'll be more mature than you!" Yomiko shouted.

Why am i here......... the man thought

"So when's the make up sex scheduled for this time?" Mune Mune said drinking bubble tea.

"1am tonight." they both said angrily. "Why do I bother with you." they both complained.

"Fuck that. YOU TWO!" Masuyo shouted pointing at Shinta and Karin. "WHEN!? WHEN ARE YOU TWO FINALLY GONNA STOP DICKING AROUND THE FANS AND GET TOGETHER!?"

"The fuck are you talkin' about?" asked Shinta with a raised eyebrow.

Karin slapped her forehead and sighed, "Here we go again. Hey can we order booze here?"

"Of course Milady." the man said, "Like we said, the menu will give you what you want."

"Placing bets!" Masuyo shouted. "Either a gun or aniki will come out of the menu!"

"My money is on a nude aniki!" Mune Mune shouted.

"Tch! You'll probably win that bet!" Masuyo shouted.

"Im thinking a Shinta voodoo doll she can use to torture him anytime she wants." Tsubasa said.

"But they live together! She can do that anytime!" Yomiko said. "I think a ball gag and whip."

"The HELL are you into?" Mune Mune shouted.

"Seeing Shinta star in a Sadist Karin BDSM porno aparently." Masuyo said calmly.

"Damn Masu-bro, you keep that up and people will start to complain you're hogging all the women." The Marquis complains. "Garcon! I'll have le tasty french baguette with ze parisan silk. rrrohohohon." he laughs in a fake french accent. A few moments later a sexy woman in a garterbelt and a baret appears on his lap. "Tres Magnifique! Zis is paradise!" the french girl slaps him and walks away. "Ow! Or not...."

"..." Karin said nothing, instead opting to drink her cup of sake quickly before pouring another.

"Aren't you underaged?" asked Shinta.

"This ain't Japan." replied Karin.

"...Fair enough." Shinta made a cup of his own and started drinking, "I get the feeling I'm gonna need this too."

"But to clear up some things," Karin began to explain, "even if I wanted to I couldn't torture this guy. He's already a complete doormat at home. Does whatever I or the old lady ask."

"Least I can do for having a place to stay," Shinta said taking another cup, "you of all people should be able to understand that."

"..." Karin downed another cup of sake.

"Well shoot. Since I guess I'm paying I'll have a drink too. Hmmm. I'll have a pint of bitters please. Always wanted to try the European stuff."

"Just give me the strongest stuff you have." Yomiko whined. She then opted to steal Karin's drink.

"Fuck. Iki isn't even in this, shes from another dimension. Love your onigiri by the way honey." he said smiling at her.

"Shes just one of his dakimakuras given a human form from this magic menu.' Tsubasa said darkly. "Whyyyyyyyyy! You have me onii-channnnnnnn!" she whined clinging to Masuyo.

"Ergh! My god I swear you're out of Onee-chan control or something!" Masuyo shouted pushing Tsubasa off of him. "Fuck this." he said downing sake with the others.

"But honestly," Karin said with a slight hiccup, "Why do you just automatically assume that I'm gonna end up with this guy? Hell where we are right now could you see that happening?"

Shinta took another sip, "Shippers will see anything that supports their argument."

"Why do people keep stealing my orders! THAT'S IT!" he raises the robot glove angrily and yells. "I HEREBY DECLARE THAT ALL WOMEN SHALL SERVE ME WEARING NOTHING BUT APRONS!" everyone including the guys have their outfits changed to naked aprons. "Fuuuuuuuck! Change back! Change back!" the outfits are returned and Kentaro begins to break down. "Sniffle... all I want... is a stout drink and a nice girl to love me... sniffle... is that too much to ask for in this life?"

"Maybe," Shinta answered, "your whole character just screams "Bromantic Foil" y'know?"

"Well." Masuyo said looking at a forum on a laptop he wished for from the menu. "It seems the most popular parings for people to ship on these sites are KentaroXTsubasa, YomikoXStefan and.......MASUYOXSHINTA!? WHAT THE FUCKKFFFFFNGGGGGGHHHHH STUPID BITCH WOMEN!" he shouted as he threw the computer.

"Of course. Give two characters one scene together and everyone thinks its time for them to fuck." Yomiko whined as she downed more sake. "maaannnnn phuck that.

"Funny enough tough," Mune mune started, "the most popular doujins are Masuyo and Tsubasa under the "incest" tag, Yomiko under the "rape" and "netorare" tags, and Masuyo and every girl under the "group" tag. And aparently Shinta is more popular with Stefan in terms of doujins."

"This.............I WILL DESTROY THIS SHIT FILLED WORLD I SHWEAR TO GAWD I WILL!" Yomiko shouted slamming her fist on the table

"...I hate fans.," Shinta sighed "Wait we have fans? People actually read us?"

"What about me? What do they think of me?" asked Karin excitedly.

"Karin.........Karin.........." Mune Mune said searching. "It seems you're popular under "Yandere", "Genderbender" and "Tsundere." Most popular pairing is Stefan and Shinta. Wait. What the hell? Yomiko is beating Shinta by 20 votes."

"Me and a Male Karin?" Yomiko said as she stared at Karin. "Eh. If she looks good enough why not?" she said swaying back and forth.

"Me! Me!" Tsubasa shouted.

"Tsubasa........"Yandere" "Bad end" "femdom" and "incest" most popular pairings were Nene Kentaro and Shinta, but after the family reveal Masuyo shot to the top. The fans really eat this brocon shit up dont the?" Mune Mune said.

"Wait...........femdom?" Masuyo said. "Have fun." he said grinning at Kentaro

"Hahahaha! Yomiko's on top! Hey where is Steve by the way? Bet you he's a funny drunk!" Kentaro has started to lighten up after he finally gets a hold of some of the sake.

"Fuck I don't care. He's probably talking to animals again." Masuyo complained. "Though it would be fun to drink with the guy, he'd probably be hilarious.........or destructive." he said shuddering.

"You know what? Have your ribs even healed Masuyo?" Yomiko asked.

"How do you even know about those?" he asked.

"I LOOKED AT THE FUCKING SCRIPT! At the beginning you got your ribs smashed. Yet you keep running around doing all this crazy shit! Theres no way they've healed!" she shouted slamming her fist on the table.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel look at fucking Shinta! He got FUCKED and yet he one man's Nene's dungeon! I CALL BULLSHIT! I bet he paied the shadow or some shit! his fucking parents are rich bigshots!" Masuyo shouted hitting the table also.

"FACK RISH PARENS YO!" kentaro begins to slur "It ain' all ish cracked up t' be y'no? Livin' a life o' privrigij... privelljiv... fuck... havin money ain' that cool yo! Lemm tell ya. Money. It does nothin' fer a mans shoul. Nuthin' I tell ya... Ain' that the god hones' truth...."

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you!" Masuyo shouted as he stood up and got on the table. "Fuckin rich beetches wanna fuckin whine. There aint no way y'all gawt it hard! oooooooooohhhhh you don't wike yer mommy or daddy. WHO DA FUCK CARES!? YOU WHINY FUCKS HAVE MONEY TO DO SHEIT WITH!!!!! I HAD NOTHING. NO PARENTS OR MONEYS. FUCKIN MONNIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! And THEN THERES FUCKERS WHO JUST LEEVE HOME CAUSE! JUST CAUSE! FUCK EM! FUCK EM ALL!"

"eeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiii there buddy." Yomiko said slurred as she staggered to get on her feet. "My pop popped me a good one in the face. Multiple times. Lewk at how scheckshy I am! Im phucking HAWT! I had to shave mah fais! Im the heroine!"

"HEROIN?" Masuyo shouted.

"DRUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGS" Yomiko shouted giggling.

"Oh onii-chan~" Tsubasa said smiling as bright as ever.